What is your experience of mental health?

[rjw63]

1 hour ago, mottaloo said:

Chin up mate. I for one always enjoy reading your posts, so i hope you can return to better form soon. 

Thanks, hope so...although a new twist has just occurred. Wife had to go out and collect 32 year old son, also a depressive, after he destroyed his house when his missus threw a cup.of tea at him. Just when you think things can't get worse!!!

[mottaloo]

10 hours ago, rjw63 said:

Thanks, hope so...although a new twist has just occurred. Wife had to go out and collect 32 year old son, also a depressive, after he destroyed his house when his missus threw a cup.of tea at him. Just when you think things can't get worse!!!

Sorry to hear that mate. The consoling thing is it looks like you support each other when it hits the fan. Doesn't help having the year we just did. 

I sincerely wish you all the best dude. As i said, you're a funny guy from the posts you make and always make me smile, so i thank you for that.

[blandy]

10 hours ago, rjw63 said:

he destroyed his house when his missus threw a cup.of tea at him. Just when you think things can't get worse!!!

That’s awful. Tragic waste of tea. Hope the mug didn’t break.

 

[Chindie]

I dunno why, but had a few properly down moments over the last couple of days.

I dunno. It's just kinda hit me over different ways recently. Asides from family and girlfriends family, I got 2 Christmas cards this year, both from neighbours, and had no messages or anything from people I know. I've realised I don't have friends anymore.

Over lockdown I've been on my own. Which isn't that bad - I'm ok on my own, I've been working throughout, there's been fairly regular contact from work etc. But I've gained an insane amount of weight, and my general sense of being is 'I can't be arsed'. I feel unwell.

I also find work difficult. Sort of like imposter syndrome but more like a complete lack of confidence, certainty in what I'm doing. I feel like I'm completely unsure of myself constantly and it's mentally exhausting, and frustrating. Colleagues and managers think I'm doing fine, nothing to worry about, completely confident on my ability etc etc, but still i'm looking at bits of work and not feeling like I can do things because I'm concerned about missing something or agreeing to something that's incorrect etc etc.

I'm just like... What's the point at the moment? Everything is shit.

Even my hobbies I'm sat here and thinking I can't be bothered. I recently painted a Gundam model I'd wanted to finish, and it's at the point where I can decal it, a part I usually kinda enjoy, but I can't be arsed. I've been slowly working on making some custom figures for my collection, but bang my head against the 3d modelling aspect and struggle to get what I want to create and that kills any enthusiasm. But my list of things I want to do grows and that's crippling in itself.

I dunno. Things are shit.

[Follyfoot]

On 27/12/2020 at 10:22, mottaloo said:

Sorry to hear that mate. The consoling thing is it looks like you support each other when it hits the fan. Doesn't help having the year we just did. 

I sincerely wish you all the best dude. As i said, you're a funny guy from the posts you make and always make me smile, so i thank you for that.

Same here, so look forward to all of us wallowing in the constant shenanigans over the road and wish you both a much better year, quality chaps and would love to share a tot or two with you both one day

[A'Villan]

Obstacles as opportunities. Problems as potential. You are blessed, and you belong here. Truly.

And that's not just me patting you on the back, with a wishful sentiment to try and lift your spirit, momentarily. It's truth.

Tell me.. 

When a rose is struggling to blossom, do you change the plant itself? No. You get your hands dirty and raise the quality of life in the plants environment.

Upon changing the environment in which it's roots dig deep, then in time the rose changes, growing,, and on to a blossom by it's own will, with time, and the right circumstance.

Oftentimes, we as people, adhere and subscribe to the stigma and dogma, that when life is not going as it might, that is somehow a poor reflection of us, as individuals.

However this thinking is fundamentally flawed. You see, you, or we, are this experience, like, or know it, or not. And you are intertwined with that which is happening around you.

The deeper you consider this, that we are blessed, and that we belong, the greater the foundations for your heart and mind to realise this truth. 

We are no strangers to the powers of the universe, we may be blind to them, for a time, however, aware or not, greatness is within us. All of us.

I want you to know that I have faith in you, and that I am backing you to envision yourself as blessed, and capture the essence of what that means.

That you will, like the rose blossoming, have moments of great beauty and clarity in your life, once we have learned to afford ourselves the patience and understanding.

Because we need patience and understanding to grow.

Take care, VT, may your new year be blessed and full of great moments and memories for you and yours.

[HanoiVillan]

2 hours ago, A'Villan said:

Take care, VT, may your new year be blessed and full of great moments and memories for you and yours.

Happy New Year to you too, and to all on VT.

The idea that a 'new year' is a 'new start' is obviously largely a fiction, but this year in particular it may be a useful one, so let's embrace it and hope for a better 2021.

[Follyfoot]

Hopefully having a football team to once again be proud of helps many in darker moments and continues to do so

[mottaloo]

My story isn't much different to many others on here. Plus points, to date :

still in full time employment. Not caught covid, nor have any of my family or friends. Not a great pub goer and i haven't been to VP for about 5 years, so no ST woes for me. Only had to cancel one holiday. 

Now the minus points:

I have never worked from home before. I do 2 days, 2 nights then 4 off. All 12 hour shifts for a global logistics company. The novelty of nipping in to the kitchen at 2am for snacks has now become a habit. I have piled on over 2 stone. I know what i need to do but i talk a great game and rarely play one. If i have a good result at work, i reward myself with a takeaway. If i have a crap day i console myself with a takeaway. Sutton park is on my doorstep yet i hardly go. I am in my mid 50s so i know i need to shift the weight but i don't. 

Put plain and simply, i almost hate myself; self loathing is becoming a regular thing. I should be bloody grateful for what i DO have but I still whinge at myself and to others. 

Compared to others on here struggling with their mental health, i feel ashamed....i dont know why I am writing this - perhaps i just need a kick up the arse or a volley in the jaw.

Thanks for reading, lads.

[rjw63]

@mottaloo...you are roughly the same age as me and I can sympathize with the weight problem. I lost two stone before my wedding two years ago but **** me was it boring.

And of course it's all reappeared!

[MCU]

2 hours ago, mottaloo said:

My story isn't much different to many others on here. Plus points, to date :

still in full time employment. Not caught covid, nor have any of my family or friends. Not a great pub goer and i haven't been to VP for about 5 years, so no ST woes for me. Only had to cancel one holiday. 

Now the minus points:

I have never worked from home before. I do 2 days, 2 nights then 4 off. All 12 hour shifts for a global logistics company. The novelty of nipping in to the kitchen at 2am for snacks has now become a habit. I have piled on over 2 stone. I know what i need to do but i talk a great game and rarely play one. If i have a good result at work, i reward myself with a takeaway. If i have a crap day i console myself with a takeaway. Sutton park is on my doorstep yet i hardly go. I am in my mid 50s so i know i need to shift the weight but i don't. 

Put plain and simply, i almost hate myself; self loathing is becoming a regular thing. I should be bloody grateful for what i DO have but I still whinge at myself and to others. 

Compared to others on here struggling with their mental health, i feel ashamed....i dont know why I am writing this - perhaps i just need a kick up the arse or a volley in the jaw.

Thanks for reading, lads.

Hey man, for what it's worth I do sympathise with you. I'm very much in the mindset that if I have a tough day at work I deserve a takeaway. Equally, if I have a good day or I go out and run 10k I also deserve a takeaway.

Best advice I can give is to start slow, whatever your goals in life. As you're a lot of older than me I've no doubt you've heard this before and your life experience is head and shoulders above mine. But seriously, start slow. You've got Sutton Park on your doorstep? Just go for a walk, nobody's saying you have to go out and run every day. Just take a nice brisk walk once a week.

Similarly, don't completely cut out takeaways/junk food from the off. It's unsustainable. Cut it down slowly. Once you start implementing small changes in your life you will snowball them once you start seeing results albeit small. Then you'll start gaining momentum with your weight loss, and in turn your negative thinking.

It sounds almost too easy that it's not worth doing. Just shift your mindset a little and focus on the positive actions in your day.

Meditation is supposed to be a handy practice when it comes to mental health (each to their own of course), so I've tried incorporating a few minutes here and there each day to just quiet my mind. Again, there's this misconception that in order to start meditating I've got to put some gowns out, cross my legs and hummm for an hour every day.

Don't forget... Action CREATES motivation (not the other way around). And discipline / consistency -> motivation. 

I'm not sure if your original post was even getting at any of the points I've offered above but hopefully it helps someone.

Hope you all have a Happy New Year by the way... 

Edited December 31, 2020 by MCU

[MCU]

EDIT: double

Edited December 31, 2020 by MCU

[mottaloo]

@MCU many thanks and you talk a lot of sense. I just needed to hear it from someone else. Slowly but surely is the way. 

I will look in to meditation for sure.

Thanks again and a happy new year to you as well. UTV. 

[Brumstopdogs]

@ChindieI hope things pick up and improve and we're all on here even if it is just to get your thoughts out

 

[villa89]

Last couple of lockdowns were rough. This one is going to be awful tough. Only 1 day in and I'm already on edge. It's going to be a long 2 months.  

[Xela]

Never mind about the weight gain @mottaloo mate, the jogging bottoms will stretch

Seriously though, I know how you feel. I've been WFH since early March and i've put weight on. I'm not eating more, I'm just moving less! I do fewer steps than a sloth with a gammy leg! 

Feeling a bit melancholic tonight. I've been luckier than most in 2020. I can WFH, work has been busy and i'm saving more money. Plenty to be grateful for, but I just feel a bit meh. Like, is this it? Is this what life is like in my 40's? I used to have mental new years eve's in my 20s.... be it bars, pubs, superclubs, or house parties. In my 30's, me and a few friends would always go abroad in December for 2-3 weeks and wind down and have a blast. I used to look forward to those trips all year. Work hard for 11 months, have a relaxing week in Egypt in November and then 3 weeks in Asia in December. Even they have stopped now as people settle down and get older and have families. It feels as though I have nothing to look forward to anymore. Whats the point of working hard all year now?

Ahhh... i'm just being a bit moody while looking through old photos and reminiscing. 

Keep your chins up everyone and praise the lord for VT 

x

[leighavfc]

Well here we are another end of year..

Been my toughest yet I would say, for many reasons. This year has been the one where I've tried to face my demons and issues but ultimately lost numerous times too! I am still trying and determined to kick addiction ASAP. On and off relationship problems, family bereavements and my mental health have all contributed. 

I have also noticed this past year that something has changed upstairs and I don't feel right or as I normally would so to speak. I have become lazy, moody, horrible to be around, spoiling things and just not being much fun at all. I also feel as if I have been a crap dad to my kids this year, which absolutely kills me inside. 

I need help but I haven't had the balls to go to the doctors or seek help from a professional which is stupid, I must do that ASAP to try and understand whats going on. I don't feel as if anything has triggered it specifically but something isn't right.

Haven't been on here much since around April/May but realised over past day or so how good a place this to be.

I hope you all stay safe and have a better time of it next year, thank you all for being like a big family on here. It does help people like me even just get distracted for 5 mins from the daily problems. All the best and UTV

 

[mottaloo]

@Xela all i can say regarding the jogging bottoms is thank god for sports direct !

You're right though. I think its phases in life we go through. In my 20s I'd be bouncing around town on NYE but now i couldn't think of a more shite way to celebrate it. Mates move on into other jobs or parts of the country; settle down like you say and all the time i was trying to recapture the magic of previous times all in vain.

Most of us have much more to be grateful for than to moan about but it doesn't stop us. I'm ok really, thanks for your advice and as you say, we have our VT family to check in with.

Here's to a great (eventually) 2021 and a great season for Villa !

[Nicho]

My girlfriend struggles massively and has a history of depression.

The introduction of lockdown and then tier 3 and tier 4 meaning the cancellation of all plans and into Christmas and now the short term future. She just can’t deal with it and visibly winds herself up with the knowledge she can’t do things.

I know it isn’t what she wants to hear but the impact of not being able to do anything about it is enough for me,. Those kind of comments make her even edgier. I may be wrong but the clarity of this fact needs to come to her for her to move past and not go round and round in her own head.

I suppose it’s not that easy.

[Mandy Lifeboats]

Telling someone with depression to stop worrying about things is like telling someone with a broken leg to just ignore the pain and go out for a run.  Most people with depression (including me) lived-in it for years before seeking help.  

This is a terribly difficult time for a lot of people with mental illnesses.  They really appreciate your support. But if you could solve their problems really easily you would be one of the biggest medical geniuses ever.  

May I suggest instead of telling her to stop worrying, ask her what you can do to help her stop worrying.