Paddy's "Things that cheer you up"

[Davkaus]

2 hours ago, Amsterdam_Neil_D said:

 It will never happen 

I think you're in for a shock. It was essentially off the table for a generation until Brexit revealed just how fundamentally at odds the Scottish and English are. 

The most disappointing thing about Scottish independence will be that I'm currently on the wrong side of the border.

[sharkyvilla]

1 hour ago, Davkaus said:

I think you're in for a shock. It was essentially off the table for a generation until Brexit revealed just how fundamentally at odds the Scottish and English are. 

The most disappointing thing about Scottish independence will be that I'm currently on the wrong side of the border.

The problem is if they did vote to leave, there would also be loads of issues similar to Brexit.  I suppose creating a plan on the currency is a start, if you can call it a plan.

[Mandy Lifeboats]

On 24/08/2017 at 18:16, Mandy Lifeboats said:

I’ve just got back from work and its been one of the funniest days ever.  A few weeks ago a different department complained that we stole their wall clock and swapped it with our broken one.  We were quite offended by this allegation.  There was absolutely no evidence that we were responsible.  I am assured that we were very careful not to leave any evidence when we stole it. 

They got so upset by the clock theft and it just encouraged us to escalate the matter.  My team contains a “White Hat Hacker” who changed the colour of his hat for a few minutes whilst he reprogrammed their phone extensions.  Every time they called a certain phone number it automatically included the speaking clock as a conference call after 5 minutes.  Again the complaints came in.  Again there was no proof.  

Today I got in at 7:30am.  A complaint hit my in-box at 8:02.  Someone (and I’ve got a bloody good idea who) managed to get into their office overnight and install a cuckoo clock. 

I’ve spent most of the day giving assurances that its nothing to do with us.  I’m not sure how I maintained my composure when their boss phoned me and whilst he was ranting on there was the distinct sound of 11 cuckoos. 

It's been almost 2 years since I posted this story. Since then the offending cuckoo clock was removed. Peace was made and both departments put this behind us.

Today a complaint hit my in-box.

The annoying cuckoo clock has been reinstalled in our rivals office. 

[BOF]

16 hours ago, Mandy Lifeboats said:

It's been almost 2 years since I posted this story. Since then the offending cuckoo clock was removed. Peace was made and both departments put this behind us.

Today a complaint hit my in-box.

The annoying cuckoo clock has been reinstalled in our rivals office. 

[bickster]

16 hours ago, Mandy Lifeboats said:

It's been almost 2 years since I posted this story. Since then the offending cuckoo clock was removed. Peace was made and both departments put this behind us.

Today a complaint hit my in-box.

The annoying cuckoo clock has been reinstalled in our rivals office. 

This reminds me of a story I may have already told

One evening someone called a taxi specifically with the intent of robbing the drivers money.

I was the taxi that turned up, they stole no money and one one them was left crying in the middle of the road. I could have left it there

The absolute amateurs didn't withhold their phone number

At the time we were based in our old office and anyone walking up to the office for a cab was sent to the Kwik Save at the end of the road (pedestrianised street), these customers never had their phone numbers taken as there was no need.

I saved the phone number to the Kwik Save template, we had a very busy office with customers, 24 hours a day, everytime we got a customer at the office, these Muppets phone would ring. 24/7 sometimes at intervals of 30 secs

This lasted 2 weeks, at which point these people were on the phone begging for us to stop

[Xela]

Booked tomorrow off work. 

First day off this year. 

Four day weekend! 

[Mandy Lifeboats]

On 01/05/2019 at 18:17, Mandy Lifeboats said:

It's been almost 2 years since I posted this story. Since then the offending cuckoo clock was removed. Peace was made and both departments put this behind us.

Today a complaint hit my in-box.

The annoying cuckoo clock has been reinstalled in our rivals office. 

 Cuckoo clock = DEFCON1. 

Although my team has absolutely nothing to do with this......some new matters have emerged.

I am due to go abroad for a month on Saturday.  But the date changed at short notice. The cuckoo clock installer was unaware of the date change. I understand that this is just the tip of the iceberg and was planned to occur during my absence. 

I held a meeting and said that I would be disappointed if it went too far.  One of the team reminded me that in 1990 he went on leave and I made a trifle in his desk drawer. He's correct. I did. Sponge, jelly, custard, cream and sprinkles.

I am now wondering what the hell is planned during my abscence. 

Edited May 3, 2019 by Mandy Lifeboats
Speeling mishsteaks

[bickster]

2 hours ago, Xela said:

Booked tomorrow off work. 

First day off this year. 

Four day weekend! 

I've had way too many already, taken 7 days so far, but I've nearly earned two back in OT

[Seat68]

Not a day yet, but finally get a week in June, not being a martyr, just dont get much holiday. Kids read your contract before signing it.

[BOF]

12 hours ago, Mandy Lifeboats said:

 Cuckoo clock = DEFCON1. 

Although my team has absolutely nothing to do with this......some new matters have emerged.

I am due to go abroad for a month on Saturday.  But the date changed at short notice. The cuckoo clock installer was unaware of the date change. I understand that this is just the tip of the iceberg and was planned to occur during my absence. 

I held a meeting and said that I would be disappointed if it went too far.  One of the team reminded me that in 1990 he went on leave and I made a trifle in his desk drawer. He's correct. I did. Sponge, jelly, custard, cream and sprinkles.

I am now wondering what the hell is planned during my abscence. 

[Rodders]

Proposed last night. She said yes. Obviously. Drove up into the Beacons for some star gazing, got down on the knee and then realised it was so dark for a few seconds she didn't realise where I'd gone

Still, she figured it out soon enough. However this morning I noticed for the first time she puts milk in her tea first so I may regret this commitment.

[villa4europe]

malton and Norton local election results - 

1 - spoilt paper 39%

2 - labour 19%

3 - tories 17%

excellent result, it says so much more than just not bothering to go

[VILLAMARV]

43 minutes ago, Rodders said:

Proposed last night. She said yes. Obviously. Drove up into the Beacons for some star gazing, got down on the knee and then realised it was so dark for a few seconds she didn't realise where I'd gone

Still, she figured it out soon enough. However this morning I noticed for the first time she puts milk in her tea first so I may regret this commitment.

congrats

[KenjiOgiwara]

Dogs. Just dogs. Especially boxers. 

[VILLAMARV]

On 24/04/2019 at 19:05, Carlos_the_third said:

Yoga! To be honest I used to think it was complete hippy nonsense,

#metoo.

Quote

but it is incredible how good I feel after stringing a few days of consistent practice together vs when I’ve slacked off for a while. I actively look forward to my morning sessions now, and it’s becoming a real important part of my routine.

this is not me. And I'm not going near a public space full of yoga enthusiasts or paying some clearing to tell me what to do for half an hour. But MrsVM has talked me into joining her a few times recently which mostly involves her putting some yoga pants on and watching some non-shouty rather bendy lady on theyoutubes in the sanctity of our own lounge once a week.

Quite apart from all that though it's definitely loosening up and stretching muscles I feel like I haven't used for years. And I'm just noticing a lot more how tight my shoulders are clenched half the time, especially when I'm driving.

[mjmooney]

2 hours ago, KenjiOgiwara said:

Dogs. Just dogs. Especially boxers. 

One for Things I Don't Get. I mean I sort of get the appeal of dogs, even though I've never owned one, and never will (picking up shit alone is a jobstopper). But if I had to have one it would be have to be one that looked like a normal dog (basically a mongrel of the border collie shape). But boxers? Fugly things. 

[Carlos_the_third]

1 hour ago, VILLAMARV said:

#metoo.

this is not me. And I'm not going near a public space full of yoga enthusiasts or paying some clearing to tell me what to do for half an hour. But MrsVM has talked me into joining her a few times recently which mostly involves her putting some yoga pants on and watching some non-shouty rather bendy lady on theyoutubes in the sanctity of our own lounge once a week.

Quite apart from all that though it's definitely loosening up and stretching muscles I feel like I haven't used for years. And I'm just noticing a lot more how tight my shoulders are clenched half the time, especially when I'm driving.

Yeah I took a trial at the local yoga studio to learn the basics, but once that ran out I have been doing it for free in the garden following YouTube instruction before leaving for work. Every time I do it i think it is stupid, but then feel great for the rest of the day - it really helps me get out of my head!

[Stevo985]

5 minutes ago, mjmooney said:

One for Things I Don't Get. I mean I sort of get the appeal of dogs, even though I've never owned one, and never will (picking up shit alone is a jobstopper). But if I had to have one it would be have to be one that looked like a normal dog (basically a mongrel of the border collie shape). But boxers? Fugly things. 

I **** love dogs. They're the best things in the world. They're better than people.

But I kinda have to agree about Boxers.

And staffies 

 

Sorry VTers who might have either!

[KenjiOgiwara]

5 minutes ago, mjmooney said:

One for Things I Don't Get. I mean I sort of get the appeal of dogs, even though I've never owned one, and never will (picking up shit alone is a jobstopper). But if I had to have one it would be have to be one that looked like a normal dog (basically a mongrel of the border collie shape). But boxers? Fugly things. 

I actually understand what you mean, but boxers are special for me due to their personality.  By far the kindest, funniest, goofiest, caring, protective breed I've ever met. And I prefer short haired dogs. 

[chrisp65]

This might not be overly popular.

There are over 17,000,000 pet cats and dogs in the UK. All that pet food.

I can't help feeling a we could make a significant contribution to helping out the planet by not feeding 17,000,000 cats n dogs.