Demitri_C Posted April 9, 2019 Share Posted April 9, 2019 1 hour ago, snowychap said: You got a phobia of hospitals there snowy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blandy Posted April 9, 2019 Moderator Share Posted April 9, 2019 2 hours ago, snowychap said: Ah the shiny new 2019 Rocket Polisher. Beaut isn't she? Aerodynamic, stylish, good ride quality....wait. only one cup holder? and it's only small and it's got what in it? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unused Sub Posted April 9, 2019 Share Posted April 9, 2019 1 hour ago, blandy said: Ah the shiny new 2019 Rocket Polisher. Beaut isn't she? Aerodynamic, stylish, good ride quality....wait. only one cup holder? and it's only small and it's got what in it? Can you imagine @RugeleyVilla having to phone the maintenance guy out: “so how do you get bits of cucumber out of this thing”. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NurembergVillan Posted April 9, 2019 Moderator Share Posted April 9, 2019 5 hours ago, snowychap said: Unless they put them in private cubicles, I can't see they're going to solve the problem... 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddywhack Posted April 12, 2019 Share Posted April 12, 2019 If I know somebody's voice, I think I can recognise them from their cough, sneeze and hiccup , even if I've never heard any of their bodily functions before. I think it's impossible to recognise anybody from their bottom toots, but I'm not sure about burps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VILLAMARV Posted April 12, 2019 Share Posted April 12, 2019 42 minutes ago, Paddywhack said: I think it's impossible to recognise anybody from their bottom toots, Are we talking sounds or smells here? Very often I find I've been able to smell who dealt it unfortunately. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddywhack Posted April 12, 2019 Share Posted April 12, 2019 20 minutes ago, VILLAMARV said: Are we talking sounds or smells here? Very often I find I've been able to smell who dealt it unfortunately. Very true, I should have said sounds only. You're blindfolded and have a peg on your nose; can you pick out your friends and family? It's a great Christmas game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted April 12, 2019 Share Posted April 12, 2019 Farter Christmas says it’s a real gas! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted April 12, 2019 Moderator Share Posted April 12, 2019 On that note. I left some chemical warfare in the elevator this morning. I had to keep it in the 'departure lounge' walking to the office because I didn't want to waste it. Always a good start to the day. It was properly good stock too. And of course you wave it around like an epileptic windmill before the doors open. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC_Hitz Posted April 12, 2019 Share Posted April 12, 2019 Working with kids in a classroom I can crop dust with impunity. It always gets blamed on someone else. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted April 12, 2019 Share Posted April 12, 2019 On 09/04/2019 at 16:13, Unused Sub said: Can you imagine @RugeleyVilla having to phone the maintenance guy out: “so how do you get bits of cucumber out of this thing”. He'd probably try and find the machines rear access panel! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xann Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 Colds are weirder than they used to be. Got one at the moment. It's like there's a tap behind my nose. That said, sinuses are fine and it hasn't blocked my ears. Wouldn't really know that I had a cold, but for the nasal river. It seems like the missing part from my last cold a while back - A cough with no preamble, snot or sneezing, that left as suddenly as it arrived. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villa4europe Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 sounds more like hayfever to me tbh I get different symptoms from different seasons, grass cutting mid summer does my eyes for example, trees now do my nose, whatever it is in September does my throat and kicks my asthma off leaving me coughing all night Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xann Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 4 minutes ago, villa4europe said: sounds more like hayfever to me tbh I know where it came from, we've been comparing notes this morning. He's infected his whole clan, the bins in his house are overflowing with snotty tissues Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Paddywhack Posted April 25, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted April 25, 2019 Some things that have happened to me recently for you to read about: 1. I got back to my car after work today to find that both my reg plates were missing. Worrying about if I needed to phone the police, what I’d have to do to replace them and if I was okay to drive home, I unlocked the car only to realise my car was actually parked right next to the car with no number plates. 2. Brian Little walked past me at the Milwall game. I tried to tell him he was a legend but I’d just taken a big bite of my burger. I’m surprised he understood what I mumbled, but he said thanks and then looked back at me to see me grinning with a stringy onion and a load of ketchup on my chin. 3. My 4 year old niece drew my wife. 5 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 The subject of when you shit do you stand up or sit down came up in the office today. I felt really wierd to say I've had this debate on a football forum afew times already Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 32 minutes ago, Demitri_C said: The subject of when you shit do you stand up or sit down came up in the office today. I felt really wierd to say I've had this debate on a football forum afew times already Who stands up to have a shit? I assume you meant wiping! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharkyvilla Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Xela said: Who stands up to have a shit? I assume you meant wiping! I think they still do in some parts of France. I had a bit of a conundrum earlier, I went for a quick pint after work but needed a shit, with one cubicle having no toilet seat or lock but had bog roll, the other had a lock and seat but no bog roll. By the time I decided to get as much bog roll from the one cubicle as I could and use the other, someone had gone in, so I decided to make my excuses and hold it in til I got home. I'm curious as to what the other guy did. Edited April 25, 2019 by sharkyvilla 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted April 25, 2019 Share Posted April 25, 2019 5 minutes ago, sharkyvilla said: I think they still do in some parts of France. I had a bit of a conundrum earlier, I went for a quick pint after work but needed a shit, with one cubicle having no toilet seat or lock but had bog roll, the other had a lock and seat but no bog roll. By the time I decided to get as much bog roll from the one cubicle as I could and use the other, someone had gone in, so I decided to make my excuses and hold it in til I got home. I'm curious as to what the other guy did. I had a similar dilemma the other year at a nice country gastro pub between Belper and Alfreton. Considering it was quite upmarket, they had obviously run out of money when it came to the bogs. Filthy. Two traps - one has a seat, bog roll and a relatively dry floor. And a space where there used to be a door. The other one had a door but no seat and it looked as though someone had smeared a chocolate fudge cake in the pan. Decision was needed pronto as I had a turtles head scenario developing. I chose the former. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post HanoiVillan Posted April 25, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted April 25, 2019 I wish there were some way of gathering @Xela's shitting stories together into some sort of anthology. 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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