Popular Post BOF Posted January 17, 2017 Moderator Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2017 Just now, Demitri_C said: That's what I think problem is mte he keeps adding to it (that's me speculating) My first bit of advice would have been to absolutely not take out a loan on his behalf, but everyone else said that so I didn't have to. But if you had even a 1% inclination in the beginning to help him financially then suspecting him of still adding to his debt should have answered that question for you. As Xela says. Any money you give him you will never get back. He has already 'used' his parents and it sounds like he's working his way down his address book, burning bridges as he goes. He needs professional help and you don't need that shit in your life. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted January 17, 2017 Author VT Supporter Share Posted January 17, 2017 If you had the money to comfortably pay off his debt on his behalf, as in not give him the money but give it directly to whoever it's owed to, then I might, MIGHT condone doing so to get him out of a hole. But as others have said, you will never see that money again. And if you did do it then you'd have to do it on the proviso that he gets help immediately. Under absolutely no circumstances should you put yourself in financial difficulties, ESPECIALLY putting yourself in debt to help him out. That's an absolute no no. In short. Help him, but not financially. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post HanoiVillan Posted January 17, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2017 There are a number of things you could do: Strongly recommend that he addresses the issue with his wife, no matter how painful it may be, because lying about it is only compounding the problem when she inevitably finds out; Sit with him while he locks himself out from his online betting accounts; Go with him while he self-reports to all bookies near his home and work and asks them to kick him out if he goes in; Contact problem gambling advice lines (I know they exist, I don't know the names) to get professional advice But the problem is he probably won't do any of them. Most addicts are only able to face their addiction when they've hit rock bottom (if then). If he's saying on the one hand that he's going to Gamblers Anonymous or whatever, but on the other hand he's secretly adding to the pile of debt or trying to play his way out of trouble, then he's still in denial and will be very difficult to help. Obvs - don't lend any money. You need to get him clean, not enable his habit. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post lapal_fan Posted January 17, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2017 get 6500 pounds and put it on black. you could win it all back and then your friend would be happy again. if you win twice then you have even made profit. how can that possibly fail? stop being selfish. don'tdothisatalliamjokingyoufrickinchicken. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ender4 Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 2 hours ago, BOF said: And another thing. Some perspective. £6,500 is hardly a figure to be suicidal over. Yes it's a debt and yes you'd rather not have it. But jeez, provided he's not still adding to it, it's a managable figure to come back from in the grand scheme of things. His biggest problem is his state of mind and that's where the help comes in. Change his psychology. He just needs convincing that this is a speed bump that he'll get over, rather than something that is going to suffocate him, because I suspect at the moment he's very much thinking the latter. It won't be just £6,500. It'll be a lot more, he'll probably have debts and loans all over the place. If he's admitting to £6,500, i wouldn't be surprised if its £65,000. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted January 17, 2017 Moderator Share Posted January 17, 2017 Just now, ender4 said: It won't be just £6,500. It'll be a lot more, he'll probably have debts and loans all over the place. If he's admitting to £6,500, i wouldn't be surprised if its £65,000. OK but that is speculation. Obviously if it's more then you adjust to that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 16 minutes ago, lapal_fan said: get 6500 pounds and put it on black. Still a better solution than taking a loan out for him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ender4 Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 7 minutes ago, BOF said: OK but that is speculation. Obviously if it's more then you adjust to that. yes, pure speculation, but i'm confident its right based on anecdotal evidence. He's not going to be coming to his mate over £6,500, he'll have put that on a credit card first. Then another one. and so on. Telling someone about these debts is his last option. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 56 minutes ago, ender4 said: yes, pure speculation, but i'm confident its right based on anecdotal evidence. He's not going to be coming to his mate over £6,500, he'll have put that on a credit card first. Then another one. and so on. Telling someone about these debts is his last option. He was telling me the £6500 is on a credit card for football bets. I am guessing the interest on this card must be high hence why he can't keep up with the minimum payments. 2 hours ago, HanoiVillan said: There are a number of things you could do: Strongly recommend that he addresses the issue with his wife, no matter how painful it may be, because lying about it is only compounding the problem when she inevitably finds out; Sit with him while he locks himself out from his online betting accounts; Go with him while he self-reports to all bookies near his home and work and asks them to kick him out if he goes in; Contact problem gambling advice lines (I know they exist, I don't know the names) to get professional advice But the problem is he probably won't do any of them. Most addicts are only able to face their addiction when they've hit rock bottom (if then). If he's saying on the one hand that he's going to Gamblers Anonymous or whatever, but on the other hand he's secretly adding to the pile of debt or trying to play his way out of trouble, then he's still in denial and will be very difficult to help. Obvs - don't lend any money. You need to get him clean, not enable his habit. You raise so many good points @HanoiVillan I have given most of that advice to him. Sadly I don't think he will do any of the anonymous gambling advice places (despite what he tells me) he such a nice guy though I just never would have expected this in million years Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 (edited) 2 hours ago, BOF said: OK but that is speculation. Obviously if it's more then you adjust to that. I have no doubt that he actually owes £65 trillion and his name is actually George Osbourne. In fact, I have proof of it Edited January 17, 2017 by lapal_fan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 (edited) 7 hours ago, Demitri_C said: I have a bit of a family problem guys bit longish and would appreciate some advice. My cousin randomly came to my house the other night just before I was going to go see my gf. He is a second cousin who we are close-ish. So we sitting there talking and he didn't seem himself. I asked if he was OK. He said I am not doing too well, so naturally I ask what's up? And I was taken aback: he tells me he is in big financial trouble as he lost a lot of money gambling on football. He is £6500 in debt. I was blown away aa didnt see that happening from him. He swore me to secrecy and asked me if I could take out a loan on his behalf for that amount and he would transfer me payments each month to cover that cost. (He said his credit rating won't allow him) I wasn't keen on this as he defaults I'm responsible. I said why doesn't he ask his parents to help him out. Apparently he got himself in trouble before and his parents bailed him out last time as this happened a year ago. They said if he did again he is by himself. His wife also found out and said she will leave him with the kids if he did it again. So he said there was no chance of doing that as he said his wife will leave him if she finds out. I offered to loan him some money for few months until he can find himself a way to pay and he declined saying it's his problem and he needs to deal with it. I felt very bad for saying no to the loan as he looked desperate but I can't afford myself to owe that to the bank if he defaults. I am worried he might do something stupid. If he were I would be responsible for not saying anything to his family about his gambling problem. But then if I tell them, his wife will leave him and maybe he might do something stupid anyway. It's a lose lose so I don't know what to do. If your alright for money and you don't mind not seeing the money again then that's very nice of you, but personally I wouldn't take a loan out for him because I'm pretty sure he won't pay it. I maybe wrong but when someone is addicted to something and you throw money at them to try and help them they usually use the money to fund their addiction. Sounds to me he needs to come clean with his family and get help. This loan could backfire big time for both of you. Edited January 17, 2017 by Rugeley Villa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 2 hours ago, Rugeley Villa said: If your alright for money and you don't mind not seeing the money again then that's very nice of you, but personally I wouldn't take a loan out for him because I'm pretty sure he won't pay it. I maybe wrong but when someone is addicted to something and you throw money at them to try and help them they usually use the money to fund their addiction. Sounds to me he needs to come clean with his family and get help. This loan could backfire big time for both of you. Yeah mate the loan is a definite no no for me. Just worried he might do something stupid if he can't get the money Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 9 minutes ago, Demitri_C said: Yeah mate the loan is a definite no no for me. Just worried he might do something stupid if he can't get the money Well with a bit of luck now you know about his problem he might feel like he could talk to you if he's feeling that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xann Posted January 17, 2017 Share Posted January 17, 2017 Quote CAUTION: Problem gambling experts recommend that a gambler’s financial problems not be addressed until the gambler recognizes that he or she has a gambling problem, has abstained from betting for an appropriate period of time (usually, at least 30 days), and has begun to address the underlying psychological disorder! Otherwise, efforts to recover financially will probably not succeed, and may even prove harmful. Problem Gamblers and Their Finances A Guide for Treatment Professionals Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villa4europe Posted January 18, 2017 Share Posted January 18, 2017 cska moscow went to spain for some warm weather training Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xann Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 (edited) The guy I sit next to at work and I are trying to ween ourselves off sugary snacks in the day. We bought a weeks worth of calorie counted food and a shed load of fruit. It was meant to be consumed instead of the unhealthy stuff, but we've ended up eating it as an addition to the unhealthy stuff Edited January 19, 2017 by Xann 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davkaus Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 I've completely abstained from biscuits/cake in the fofice so far this month, but I did get through an entire tub of hummus yesterday. Whoops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddywhack Posted January 19, 2017 Share Posted January 19, 2017 3 minutes ago, Davkaus said: I've completely abstained from biscuits/cake in the fofice so far this month, but I did get through an entire tub of hummus yesterday. Whoops. That made me actually LOL for some reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post mjmooney Posted January 19, 2017 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted January 19, 2017 Seems to have mis-spelled 'orifice'. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 19 hours ago, Xann said: The guy I sit next to at work and I are trying to ween ourselves off sugary snacks in the day. We bought a weeks worth of calorie counted food and a shed load of fruit. It was meant to be consumed instead of the unhealthy stuff, but we've ended up eating it as an addition to the unhealthy stuff Mate if only our fruit was as good as when I went Thailand. I like my sweet stuff but their fruit like mangoes coconuts etc were so good I had that a majority of the holiday. I think I had a total of one ice cream out there because I was so addicted to their fruit. Unfortunately our stuff over here is not as good and we have temptations of shit all around us. Vending machines tuck shops, coffee shops etc 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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