mjmooney Posted June 3, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted June 3, 2018 7 hours ago, Troglodyte said: My wife has kicked me out of the house because of my terrible Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions. But don't worry... I'll return. To be fair, that's a pretty good General Macarthur. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Stevo985 Posted June 3, 2018 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted June 3, 2018 I had my leg X-rayed today. The doctor said: ‘Your patella measures 2.54cm’. I said: ‘Inch high knees?’ He said: ‘您的髌骨是2.54厘米高 7 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 Recession beater. Wife says to husband "If you start riding that new bicycle I bought for you to work, we can get rid of the second car". He replies "If you take it up the arse and let me cum on your face, we can get rid of the childminder" 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 I've organised a charity night in aid of people who can't reach orgasm, but don't worry if you can't come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 2 hours ago, rjw63 said: Recession beater. Wife says to husband "If you start riding that new bicycle I bought for you to work, we can get rid of the second car". He replies "If you take it up the arse and let me cum on your face, we can get rid of the childminder" I'm guessing that if they already have a childminder then they also already have a kid so her taking it up the arse and letting him splooge on her face ain't gunna fix that problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a m ole Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 3 hours ago, Stevo985 said: I had my leg X-rayed today. The doctor said: ‘Your patella measures 2.54cm’. I said: ‘Inch high knees?’ He said: ‘您的髌骨是2.54厘米高 thanks, i kneeded that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 1 hour ago, leemond2008 said: I'm guessing that if they already have a childminder then they also already have a kid so her taking it up the arse and letting him splooge on her face ain't gunna fix that problem. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post imavillan Posted June 4, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted June 4, 2018 Donkey walks into a bar and sees there’s a horse in the bar as well. Donkey starts speaking to the horse, “So what do you do?” “Oh in the summer I do flat racing and in the winter I do the jumps.” says the horse. “Ever won anything?” the donkey asks “Well I’ve won the national and the gold cup jumping and the triple crown on the flat” says the horse. Donkeys thinking, holy shit, this is a proper thoroughbred. “What do you do?” Asks the horse. All embarrassed the donkey says “oh… uh… well in the summer I give rides to kids at the beach” They chat a bit more and arrange to go round the donkey’s house for drinks next week. Donkey’s thinking to himself he’s got to come up with some way to impress the thoroughbred. So he gets a picture of a Zebra, a nice frame and hangs it up. Horse comes round and goes “Oh this is a nice house you’ve got, that’s a nice picture too” Donkey says “Oh aye, that’s from when I played for Juventus” 4 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted June 5, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted June 5, 2018 21 hours ago, imavillan said: Donkey walks into a bar and sees there’s a horse in the bar as well. Donkey starts speaking to the horse, “So what do you do?” “Oh in the summer I do flat racing and in the winter I do the jumps.” says the horse. “Ever won anything?” the donkey asks “Well I’ve won the national and the gold cup jumping and the triple crown on the flat” says the horse. Donkeys thinking, holy shit, this is a proper thoroughbred. “What do you do?” Asks the horse. All embarrassed the donkey says “oh… uh… well in the summer I give rides to kids at the beach” They chat a bit more and arrange to go round the donkey’s house for drinks next week. Donkey’s thinking to himself he’s got to come up with some way to impress the thoroughbred. So he gets a picture of a Zebra, a nice frame and hangs it up. Horse comes round and goes “Oh this is a nice house you’ve got, that’s a nice picture too” Donkey says “Oh aye, that’s from when I played for Juventus” When it comes to playing football, half of me thinks Zebras are dark horses 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imavillan Posted June 5, 2018 Share Posted June 5, 2018 4 minutes ago, Stevo985 said: When it comes to playing football, half of me thinks Zebras are dark horses Nah, you're getting confused....that was Black Beauty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BOF Posted June 6, 2018 Moderator Popular Post Share Posted June 6, 2018 Why was the anti-vaxxer's 4 year old child crying? It was going through a mid-life crisis. 2 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted June 6, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted June 6, 2018 21 minutes ago, BOF said: Why was the anti-vaxxer's 4 year old child crying? It was going through a mid-life crisis. Can't believe I had to mooney "anti-vaxxer" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnbull Posted June 11, 2018 Share Posted June 11, 2018 As I looked into her eyes my knees weakened and my stomach began to flutter and churn. It was then I realised I'd drugged the wrong glass. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imavillan Posted June 21, 2018 Share Posted June 21, 2018 Apologies if this ones been done before.... Conjunctivitous.co.uk now that’s a site for sore eyes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharkyvilla Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 On 03/06/2018 at 17:15, Stevo985 said: I had my leg X-rayed today. The doctor said: ‘Your patella measures 2.54cm’. I said: ‘Inch high knees?’ He said: ‘您的髌骨是2.54厘米高 It's taken me nearly three weeks but I've finally got that joke 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Lifeboats Posted June 22, 2018 Share Posted June 22, 2018 An American wakes up in hospital. Doctor 》You were involved in a terrible car crash 3 months ago. You suffered major injuries but everything has healed apart from one thing. We had to amputate your penis. But don't worry. There is $12,000 left from your insurance pay out. We can make you a new penis but it will cost $1000 per inch. Anything you don't spend you can keep. Talk it over with your wife and let me know what size you want. The following day........... Doctor 》 Have you chatted with your wife? Patient 》Yes Doctor 》What are you having? Patient 》A fitted kitchen with granite worktops. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted June 29, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted June 29, 2018 (edited) I've just found an origami porn channel. Unfortunately it's only paper view. Edited June 29, 2018 by choffer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 30, 2018 Share Posted June 30, 2018 During computer class, the teacher chastised one boy for talking to the girl sitting next to him. "I was just asking her a question" the boy said. "If you have a question, ask me" the teacher tersely replied. "Okay" he answered "Will you suck my cock after school?" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 30, 2018 Share Posted June 30, 2018 Two female teachers took a group of children to the racecourse. When it was time to take the children to the toilet it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's toilet when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal. Having no choice, she went inside, helped the little boys with their pants, and began hoisting them up one by one, holding on to their 'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their clothes and shake them dry. As she lifted one boy up, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring at his equipment the teacher said "You must be in Grade 3?" No ma'am" he replied "I'm riding the favourite in the next race, but I really appreciate your help". 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted July 2, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted July 2, 2018 I was once attacked by a group of mimes... ...they did unspeakable things to me. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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