Things that piss you off that shouldn't

[Dr_Pangloss]

16 minutes ago, choffer said:

That's exactly why I quit playing a decade ago. It was the worst quality of football* I'd ever played but so many of them took it so seriously that it took all the fun out of it. Being bawled out by a bloke to couldn't trap a bag of sand for not passing to him or being scythed down by a maniac was not my idea of fun. 

 

*I'm not suggesting I ever played to a particularly high level though.

Yep, same here. I played for a Sunday league team (that I won't name). It was fun, there was quite a big variance in ability within the team, a couple of very good players, a couple of decent players (which I was one) and quite a few shite players. But the team were all good guys and thus the atmosphere was always good.

A couple of years later a load of guys left the team and all of a sudden 5-6 utterly vile chavs joined. Some of them were good players, but they were all utter **** words removed, the sort of chav scum who would live in Hawkesley. The atmosphere dropped, people getting heavily berated in training for not passing, missing a good chance or doing something shit. You'd even get fights happening in training. It just made it all a shit waste of time. That's not to mention that every now and then you'd play a word removed team who seemed more interested in hurting you than winning. 

Anyway I left because in one training session, playing as a striker, some prick clipped a through ball over the top that was literally 20 yard in front of me, calculating I'd never get to it I'd stopped my run. The guy playing the pass gave me a volley of F's and C's, I squared up to him and offered to have a fair fight, everyone jumped in to separate, cooler heads prevailed and we both shook hands and made up. But when I got home I thought, **** it, not worth this shit on a Wednesday night, never kicked a ball in a 'serious' setting since. Too many words removed.

Edited December 4, 2019 by Dr_Pangloss

[bickster]

I was the maniac that scythed you down  I gave up when I scored a flying volley that was the best goal I'd ever scored, I was about 45 at the time.

I broke 2 ribs on landing which might have had something to do with my decision too

[chrisp65]

I played in a team that from memory, wasn’t even in a proper league structure, we’d just rent a pitch and play against other offices.

I found out two of the guys were having a pre game ‘performance enhancing’ coke. Purely by chance, they were also the two guys I’d have named as absolute arseholes. So that’s probably a variant on the chicken and egg question. I quit in quiet despair.

 

[lapal_fan]

10 minutes ago, bobzy said:

We used to play in a Powerleague league a few years back - probably in division 3 out of 8 (to gauge standard).  Quit after playing in a game where the opposition threatened to put us "in the QMC" (main hospital in Nottingham) and put in some appalling challenges thereafter.  After the ref gave us like the 1000th free kick of the game and said he'd called the game off if it continued, one of them broke his nose.  Obviously they got chucked out, but we couldn't be arsed after that "season" ended.  We now play an organised game between ourselves each week which is competitive without the mindless violence.

Convinced that about 70% of people who play there are just chav scum tbh.

Yea, a guy who was married to my moms cousin and has known me since birth, but became a bit distant after his wife died messaged me to see if I'd want to play in power league.  This was about 5 years ago.  I said yea sure, went to a "training" session and even though there were a bunch of strangers, a few who knew each other you had all the usual bullshit bravado.  Never the less, I persisted and was picked in the 1st team 90% of the time.  We started in league 5 or 6 (of 5 or 6) and got promoted every season.  The further we went up, the more competitive it got.  Division 2 was borderline arsehole teams.  We got promoted to Div 1, some of the originals left or had work commitments so other people came in.  I got dropped into the 2nd team, which I was fine with, but I went from playing with competent players to being the best by a distance, which was frustrating to me, but I dealt with it.  Occasionally I'd get picked for the 1st team (about 30% of the time) and those games were all, unanimously **** horrible.  We weren't the biggest, strongest or best team, and we kept coming mid table in Div 1, but I swear, every other team were 6 foot plus, rough as arsehole factory workers from West Brom, more intent on kicking you than playing football.  Every tackle left something behind.  You get past one of them, or score, you're getting called a faggot or a word removed and warned you're gonna get kicked next time.  There were flair ups every game, chest to chest, "I'll see you in the car park after" bullshit. 

After 5 seasons, we mostly broke up, but a core said we'd play each other on the 7s pitch, between ourselves, which has been really good for the last 2 years or so.  That said, friends of friends get invited, and they take it over seriously.  Last night I got hurt twice.  One from a studs up block when I was clearing the ball (studs at power league is stupid) and a block tackle which really strained my ligaments in my left foot and still hurts a lot now, a day later. 

At 32, I'm thinking I won't keep playing much past 33. 

[choffer]

5 minutes ago, bickster said:

I was the maniac that scythed you down  I gave up when I scored a flying volley that was the best goal I'd ever scored, I was about 45 at the time.

Best goal I ever scored was a belter. Challenged for a ball (that was at knee-height) on the halfway line. Took one touch, saw the goalie was off his line and perfectly lobbed him. Literally as it nestled into the net, the ref (who'd be at least 30 yards away) blew his whistle and gave me a free kick for the "high" boot from the opposing player in the preceding challenge. Shortly thereafter I was then dismissed from the pitch for questioning his decision. To be fair, I did question it quite enthusiastically. 

[bickster]

3 hours ago, choffer said:

Best goal I ever scored was a belter. Challenged for a ball (that was at knee-height) on the halfway line. Took one touch, saw the goalie was off his line and perfectly lobbed him. Literally as it nestled into the net, the ref (who'd be at least 30 yards away) blew his whistle and gave me a free kick for the "high" boot from the opposing player in the preceding challenge. Shortly thereafter I was then dismissed from the pitch for questioning his decision. To be fair, I did question it quite enthusiastically. 

I wasa master at sliding tackles and reasonably good in the air but not the greatest runner. I played central defence. Me scoring a flying volley was one of those moments where the earth stood still and everyone's mouths were just open unable to speak. It was greated by a very pregnant pause before the congratulations started. A WTF just happened moment

(I'm fairly sure it ws the only time in my life I'd even attempted such a flash move)

[chrisp65]

I once played against a decent semi pro team in a pre season friendly. There was an obvious chasm in ability between the two teams and it was all quite light hearted, I think at one point they were playing without a goalkeeper to encourage us to shoot from distance.

Anyway, one of their beefier players was steaming down the wing with the ball and I thought it would be hilaaaaarious to body check him. I don’t think the **** even noticed, he just ran over me like a truck. Lessons were learned that day.

[Seat68]

Never played a competitive game of football in my life. Asked a teacher in junior school of I could play and because I never said please he said no. Then on in I never played, I either skived or ensured I got sent off, and from the 4th year onwards PE teachers just gave up. Never played as an adult. 

I have kicked a ball around with mates but not to any extent and never ever one team against another. 

[Dr_Pangloss]

I played against Dennis Bailey once, famous for scoring a hat trick at Old Trafford for QPR, also played for Birmingham City among others. Must have been in his mid to late 40s, could barely move but had an incredible touch, movement and finishing. 

I also played with and against a number of guys who had been various academies across the midlands, including Villa, Blues and Coventry. You can always tell the difference, these guys just have the touch and vision that you could never achieve.

Edited December 4, 2019 by Dr_Pangloss

[chrisp65]

5 minutes ago, Seat68 said:

Never played a competitive game of football in my life. Never played as an adult. 

I have kicked a ball around with mates but not to any extent and never ever one team against another. 

You work in I.T. So to be honest we’d already sort of presumed that.

[Seat68]

10 minutes ago, chrisp65 said:

You work in I.T. So to be honest we’d already sort of presumed that.

It's a given. I do however shower regularly and have nothing approaching social anxiety. 

[bannedfromHandV]

53 minutes ago, Dr_Pangloss said:

Yep, same here. I played for a Sunday league team (that I won't name). It was fun, there was quite a big variance in ability within the team, a couple of very good players, a couple of decent players (which I was one) and quite a few shite players. But the team were all good guys and thus the atmosphere was always good.

A couple of years later a load of guys left the team and all of a sudden 5-6 utterly vile chavs joined. Some of them were good players, but they were all utter **** words removed, the sort of chav scum who would live in Hawkesley. The atmosphere dropped, people getting heavily berated in training for not passing, missing a good chance or doing something shit. You'd even get fights happening in training. It just made it all a shit waste of time. That's not to mention that every now and then you'd play a word removed team who seemed more interested in hurting you than winning. 

Anyway I left because in one training session, playing as a striker, some prick clipped a through ball over the top that was literally 20 yard in front of me, calculating I'd never get to it I'd stopped my run. The guy playing the pass gave me a volley of F's and C's, I squared up to him and offered to have a fair fight, everyone jumped in to separate, cooler heads prevailed and we both shook hands and made up. But when I got home I thought, **** it, not worth this shit on a Wednesday night, never kicked a ball in a 'serious' setting since. Too many words removed.

I played for an awesome but crazy Sunday League team for 3 years in Stoke.

It was 50% indigenous locals (Stokees) and 50% foreigners, we had an ex professional from Sudan, a guy from some random island off Africa, someone from Angola, a few lads from the middle east (one of them got deported halfway through the season), a Jamaican and one or two others I forget.

It was tense at times, definitely a divide between the domestic and foreign contingents but it worked and we were actually quite successful.

 

 

Anyway, back from hospital, just a sprain, feel like a total fraud.

[lapal_fan]

1 hour ago, bickster said:

I wasa master at sliding tackles and reasonably good in the air but not the greatest runner. I played central defence. Me scoring a flying volley was one of those moments where the earth stood still and everyone's moths were just open unable to speak. It was greated by a very pregnant pause before the congratulations started. A WTF just happened moment

(I'm fairly sure it ws the only time in my life I'd even attempted such a flash move)

[rodders0223]

1 hour ago, Dr_Pangloss said:

I played against Dennis Bailey once, famous for scoring a hat trick at Old Trafford for QPR, also played for Birmingham City among others. Must have been in his mid to late 40s, could barely move but had an incredible touch, movement and finishing. 

I also played with and against a number of guys who had been various academies across the midlands, including Villa, Blues and Coventry. You can always tell the difference, these guys just have the touch and vision that you could never achieve.

Even run of the mill semi pros on a ridiculous level.

We had a 5 a side team, we were pretty shite to be honest, got promoted from the bottom division once. That was our crowning achievement.

Anyway, for a few games we had a lad who was at the academy at Blues ( yep) and never even made it to any real level. He was ridiculous and instantly made us a brilliant team having him in the middle.

[GarethRDR]

My favourite Sunday League memory: opposing player hits an absolute howitzer from about 30 yards out, screaming towards the top left corner, a gorgeous shot that 5ft-nothing-somewhat-rotund me has no rights getting to but one full-stretch, full-length Guzan-esque finger-tip-onto-the-crossbar dive later and I can hear in the distance as my body slams to the floor "YEEEAA-oh you fat bastard".

[NurembergVillan]

10 minutes ago, rodders0223 said:

Even run of the mill semi pros on a ridiculous level.

We had a 5 a side team, we were pretty shite to be honest, got promoted from the bottom division once. That was our crowning achievement.

Anyway, for a few games we had a lad who was at the academy at Blues ( yep) and never even made it to any real level. He was ridiculous and instantly made us a brilliant team having him in the middle.

Back in my Puma days there was a big sales conference for the Teamsport division.  As part of it a 5-a-side pitch was constructed outside the hotel and each Puma sales country put a team in.

Puma Nordic were always pretty handy, and their Sales Director was captain of the Helsingborgs team that put Villa out of the UEFA Cup.  There were a couple of others in there who had played pro level in Scandinavia too.  Naturally, they were wiping the floor with everyone else.

Unbeknownst to us, some U21 national team from the middle east were also staying at the hotel.  I forget where exactly.  They asked if they could play against Puma Nordic.  The Scandies were up for it so everyone gathered to watch the match.

This U21 side absolutely battered them.  One lad even managed to score after rainbow flicking the ball over the last defender and volleying it into the net.  It just emphasised the difference that the ex pros were so much better than the average guy, and yet the U21 international lads of a relatively nondescript footballing nation were another level again.

[tonyh29]

1 hour ago, choffer said:

Best goal I ever scored was a belter.

Time for me to resurrect my goal claim to fame

I played at Highbury one time for a works charity do thing  , did this nice little dribble beat a defender and curled it in the corner ( not totally dissimilar to jacks goal on Sunday to be honest )

was behind closed doors so nobody was watching  , but from the dug out area came some applause and shouts of great goal ..it was none other than Ray Parlour and Tony Adams ... alas no contract offer was forthcoming , or even a night on the piss with the two of them

most embarrassing football moment was i was chatting to a couple of girls i had known from school in the pub one night , they were with some bloke who they said was a footballer ... one of them said to him .oh Tony's a good footballer and plays for a team .. he asked me who I played for which was me saying   " Woburn Arms FC"  my local pub team  ... he turned out to be David Howells , captain of Spurs at that time *   ... funnily enough around 2017 i actually played against him whilst playing for the afore mentioned Woburn Arms FC , I doubt he remembered me though

 

*( i think he was cpt , but he may not have been)

[chrisp65]

This’ll give you an idea of what level I can play at.

I was chatting to someone on the sidelines of an old style plastic pitch. The game was going to start so I had to finish the chat and get on the pitch. So I jogged on backwards, did some sort of trip up, landed on my arse, first bounce caused my shorts to get pulled down, second bounce burnt my arse. 

Laughed it off for about 5 / 10 minutes, but the pain! Subbed off with arse burn.

 

[Xela]

2 hours ago, Dr_Pangloss said:

I played against Dennis Bailey once, famous for scoring a hat trick at Old Trafford for QPR, also played for Birmingham City among others. Must have been in his mid to late 40s, could barely move but had an incredible touch, movement and finishing. 

I also played with and against a number of guys who had been various academies across the midlands, including Villa, Blues and Coventry. You can always tell the difference, these guys just have the touch and vision that you could never achieve.

Saw Dele Adebola play for an over 35's team last season. Despite the fact he's 44 and put on some timber, he was still quality. The football brain, the vision, the weight of passes was head and shoulders above anyone else. 

[lapal_fan]

4 hours ago, Xela said:

Saw Dele Adebola play for an over 35's team last season. Despite the fact he's 44 and put on some timber, he was still quality. The football brain, the vision, the weight of passes was head and shoulders above anyone else. 

You don't shrink that much in 10 years pal.

He was always a lanky word removed.