Ingram85 Posted June 4, 2018 Share Posted June 4, 2018 39 minutes ago, Xela said: You must have been thinking about him owl day long. He sounds like a hoot. Twit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted June 4, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted June 4, 2018 2 hours ago, HanoiVillan said: #wellactually, owls can't spin their necks 360 degrees #pedant You can if you twist it hard enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mottaloo Posted June 4, 2018 Share Posted June 4, 2018 1 hour ago, Xela said: You must have been thinking about him owl day long. He sounds like a hoot. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
il_serpente Posted June 4, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted June 4, 2018 9 hours ago, lapal_fan said: There's a lad at work who's appearance is akin to the human embodiment of an Owl. He's a scrawny fella, 22 inch waist, is the same width all the way up his body up to his stupid **** Owl hair-cut which flares out at the top & at the back, then he gels the front down and across his stupid **** Owl-y forehead. He has a stupid **** silky tache' because he's about 25. He a right Owl-y ****, and I hate him (never spoke to him, but he sounds like he's from Wolverhampton to make the stupid **** Owl-y bastard worse). Sounds more like he's from Sheffield. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddywhack Posted June 5, 2018 Share Posted June 5, 2018 When you make a bloody brilliant joke but no one gets it. I came out of the toilet at work and realised I couldn't remember the new door code to get back in to the office. Then I saw Carol coming out of the ladies. I said "Ooh, Carol, what's the door code?". She looked at her hand and said "Oh, I've just rubbed it off!" I said "I don't want to know about that, I just want to know the door code" "I know, I had it written on my hand but I've washed it off now" Oh Carol....it was joke about you pleasuring yourself in the toilets, silly. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted June 5, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted June 5, 2018 9 minutes ago, Paddywhack said: When you make a bloody brilliant joke but no one gets it. I came out of the toilet at work and realised I couldn't remember the new door code to get back in to the office. Then I saw Carol coming out of the ladies. I said "Ooh, Carol, what's the door code?". She looked at her hand and said "Oh, I've just rubbed it off!" I said "I don't want to know about that, I just want to know the door code" "I know, I had it written on my hand but I've washed it off now" Oh Carol....it was joke about you pleasuring yourself in the toilets, silly. I have a similar problem with my other half. She comes back from the shops and says "Oh no, I've forgotten the taramasalata" To which I respond "Oh you effing idiot, you're always forgetting things, you daft bint" Then she cries. Seriously? It should be obvious I was only joking. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted June 5, 2018 Share Posted June 5, 2018 7 minutes ago, choffer said: I have a similar problem with my other half. She comes back from the shops and says "Oh no, I've forgotten the taramasalata" To which I respond "Oh you effing idiot, you're always forgetting things, you daft bint" Then she cries. Seriously? It should be obvious I was only joking. Maybe she'd appreciate some more physical comedy? Try mercilessly beating her whilst saying things like "YOU KNOW I CAN'T EAT MY PITTA BREAD ON IT'S OWN YOU SILLY COW!" Maybe she'd laugh then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddywhack Posted June 5, 2018 Share Posted June 5, 2018 3 minutes ago, lapal_fan said: Maybe she'd appreciate some more physical comedy? Try mercilessly beating her whilst saying things like "YOU KNOW I CAN'T EAT MY PITTA BREAD ON IT'S OWN YOU SILLY COW!" Maybe she'd laugh then? To be honest, I really don't think that is something you should be joking about. You really can't eat pitta bread on it's own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted June 5, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted June 5, 2018 Why are you both presuming I'd want to eat taramasalata? It's horrible. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post StefanAVFC Posted June 5, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted June 5, 2018 34 minutes ago, Paddywhack said: When you make a bloody brilliant joke but no one gets it. I came out of the toilet at work and realised I couldn't remember the new door code to get back in to the office. Then I saw Carol coming out of the ladies. I said "Ooh, Carol, what's the door code?". She looked at her hand and said "Oh, I've just rubbed it off!" I said "I don't want to know about that, I just want to know the door code" "I know, I had it written on my hand but I've washed it off now" Oh Carol....it was joke about you pleasuring yourself in the toilets, silly. I had a similar issue at a funeral. Could see the widow was upset, so I leaned over and asked if I could say a word. She smiled a little and told me that I could. I stood up, cleared my throat and said "plethora" I sat down again, and the widow turned and said "what the hell was that?" I angrily shouted at her, "you're meant to say "thanks that means a lot" you daft bint" 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddywhack Posted June 5, 2018 Share Posted June 5, 2018 13 minutes ago, choffer said: Why are you both presuming I'd want to eat taramasalata? It's horrible. I didn’t even know what it was, I thought it was a hat or something 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted June 5, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted June 5, 2018 I'm rather partial to taramasalata. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted June 5, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted June 5, 2018 I love it. I could eat a plethora of taramasalata 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted June 5, 2018 Moderator Share Posted June 5, 2018 1 hour ago, Paddywhack said: When you make a bloody brilliant joke but no one gets it. I came out of the toilet at work and realised I couldn't remember the new door code to get back in to the office. Then I saw Carol coming out of the ladies. I said "Ooh, Carol, what's the door code?". She looked at her hand and said "Oh, I've just rubbed it off!" I said "Me too, but I just want to know the door code" "I know, I had it written on my hand but I've washed it off now" Oh Carol....it was joke about you pleasuring yourself in the toilets, silly. Fixed what would've been funnier for you 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mottaloo Posted June 5, 2018 Share Posted June 5, 2018 1 hour ago, Paddywhack said: When you make a bloody brilliant joke but no one gets it. I came out of the toilet at work and realised I couldn't remember the new door code to get back in to the office. Then I saw Carol coming out of the ladies. I said "Ooh, Carol, what's the door code?". She looked at her hand and said "Oh, I've just rubbed it off!" I said "I don't want to know about that, I just want to know the door code" "I know, I had it written on my hand but I've washed it off now" Oh Carol....it was joke about you pleasuring yourself in the toilets, silly. That's exactly the sort of thing that earns me trips to HR.....or "personnel" as i still refer to them, much to their annoyance and my mirth.....until they suspend me for inappropriate sexual comments Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted June 5, 2018 Share Posted June 5, 2018 1 hour ago, mjmooney said: I'm rather partial to taramasalata. I've heard the word but never knew what it was. Just googled it. No thanks. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted June 5, 2018 Share Posted June 5, 2018 45 minutes ago, mottaloo said: That's exactly the sort of thing that earns me trips to HR.....or "personnel" as i still refer to them, much to their annoyance and my mirth.....until they suspend me for inappropriate sexual comments HR... or silly lasses pretending to be important as I refer to them as 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted June 5, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted June 5, 2018 26 minutes ago, Xela said: I've heard the word but never knew what it was. Just googled it. No thanks. Try it, it's delicious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC_Hitz Posted June 5, 2018 Share Posted June 5, 2018 It's fishy hummus (sorry @bickster) what's not to love? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
V01 Posted June 5, 2018 Share Posted June 5, 2018 3 hours ago, choffer said: I have a similar problem with my other half. She comes back from the shops and says "Oh no, I've forgotten the taramasalata" I bet she didn't even remember to say bye... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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