choffer Posted June 24, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted June 24, 2013 I was almost late for my cocaine awareness course last night. Talk about cutting it fine. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StanBalaban Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 3 Brothers ,Tom and Harry have size 12 feet - but Dick has size 14. One night they are out on the town - Dick pops to the loo. 2 girls come over to Tom and Harry and say 'Blimey, you 2 have got big feet' To which they reply "You should see our Dicks' 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnbull Posted June 24, 2013 Share Posted June 24, 2013 3 Brothers ,Tom and Harry have size 12 feet - but Dick has size 14. One night they are out on the town - Dick pops to the loo. 2 girls come over to Tom and Harry and say 'Blimey, you 2 have got big feet' To which they reply "You should see our Dicks' 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smetrov Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 During the 1980's recession the family 'smetrov' stuck loyal to its betamax video recorder - whilst the whole world shifted to to VHS. This of course limited the enjoyment of 'lets rent a video' - we groaned every time we visited the rental store - the choice was sparse to say the least - I will be more precise - the choice came down to 'Dennis Taylor World Snooker champion' or Clint Eastwood in 'Dirty Harry' - needless to say I go to know these two films very well over the next few years Anyway I day I got the video store and the choice was down to one - I asked the guy what had happened and he said they had merged the 2 video's into 1 - curious I took the combined video and dashed home - it didn't appear to be much different until I heard Dennis Taylor say:- "Go on Pink - make my day" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted June 25, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted June 25, 2013 During the 1980's recession the family 'smetrov' stuck loyal to its betamax video recorder - whilst the whole world shifted to to VHS. This of course limited the enjoyment of 'lets rent a video' - we groaned every time we visited the rental store - the choice was sparse to say the least - I will be more precise - the choice came down to 'Dennis Taylor World Snooker champion' or Clint Eastwood in 'Dirty Harry' - needless to say I go to know these two films very well over the next few years Anyway I day I got the video store and the choice was down to one - I asked the guy what had happened and he said they had merged the 2 video's into 1 - curious I took the combined video and dashed home - it didn't appear to be much different until I heard Dennis Taylor say:- "Go on Pink - make my day" Jesus. Bring back PussEKatt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 Stevo, we need your unimpressed cat img Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8pints Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 Kid: Dear Santa, send me a brother. Santa: Dear Kid, send me your Mother. A man wakes up in hospital. The Doctor tells him "There's good news and bad. The bad news is we amputated your leg and we'll have to amputate the other leg today. The good news is the man in the next bed wants to buy your shoes." Patient: It hurts when I poke my legs like this. Doctor: Don't poke them like that then, It is pointless as you've shattered both your kneecaps and will never walk again. A horse walks in to a bar. Barman: Why the long face. Horse: I have a lot of troubles. Man1: Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? Man2: No. Man1: It's really nice, I saw an interview with him about it on the TV. Your Mother is so fat that when she dives into a pool she displaces a proportionately larger volume of water than people with less body mass. Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M Factory? Repeated lateness and poor attitude in the work environment. And the Lord said unto John "Come forth and receive eternal life" But John came fifth and won a toaster. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a cannibal Why doesn't Mickey Mouse like pizza? It doesn't matter he isn't real. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Risso Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 Even PussEkatt is digging out the Edward Norton gif at this point. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 Optimist threads, Pessimist threads... I'm thinking of starting a Nihilist thread, in the hope that it gets deleted immediately. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post claretman Posted June 25, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted June 25, 2013 (edited) That effort by Smetrov genuinely made me feel like I'd lost ten seconds of my life. Anyway, I've got some goodies lined up: A horse walks into a bar and the barman asks, "Why the long face?"The horse, being a horse and thus unable to speak or comprehend the complexities of conversation, does not reply and shits on the floor. . Edited June 25, 2013 by claretman 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claretman Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 Past, Present and Future walked into a bar.It was tense 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smetrov Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 That effort by Smetrov genuinely made me feel like I'd lost ten seconds of my life. Anyway, I've got some goodies lined up: A horse walks into a bar and the barman asks, "Why the long face?"The horse, being a horse and thus unable to speak or comprehend the complexities of conversation, does not reply and shits on the floor. . Got a beauty for tommorow !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted June 25, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted June 25, 2013 Stevo, we need your unimpressed cat img That's the anti-joke cat. he's very specific. That's reserved for people who dissect or needlessly explain something that was clearly a joke hat being said, I imagine my impression matched that cat's as I read Smetrov's "punchline". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Risso Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 If we're going for the Bernard Righton anti-jokes, here are a couple from the man himself: "What do you call a sports car from Czechoslovakia?" "Skoda De La Sport - quality and value for money." "I wouldn't call my mother in law mean." "In fact she is very generous, helped me and the wife out with the mortgage." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 (edited) ...yeah I'm deleting that one. Edited June 25, 2013 by Ginko Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meath_Villan Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarewsEyebrowDesigner Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 Ian Duhig @ianduhig 1m Man in Leeds pub: "I'd like a quickie." Barmaid punches him in the face. Man next to him says, "I think it's pronounced 'keesh' (quiche)." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddywhack Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 I tried to stop this man talking to me about electrical plugs. I said 'oh, put a socket in'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 My English teacher always used to tell me I was really thick. And believe me, when she's straddling you in detention after school, that's quite a compliment for a 15 year old lad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 25, 2013 Share Posted June 25, 2013 I see that Howard Webb is refereeing Thursday's Confederations Cup semi-final between Italy and Spain. So who will win? Manchester United of course. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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