maqroll Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 I'm in the midst of a dreadful sort of depression. Trump. Gun violence. Environmental catastrophe/global warming. Racial strife. Nationalism. Isolationism. Anti-intellectualism. Social Media/Cultural Mind Control. My usual default setting is just to relax. But this shit has me wound the **** up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted October 22, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted October 22, 2017 1 hour ago, maqroll said: I'm in the midst of a dreadful sort of depression. Trump. Gun violence. Environmental catastrophe/global warming. Racial strife. Nationalism. Isolationism. Anti-intellectualism. Social Media/Cultural Mind Control. My usual default setting is just to relax. But this shit has me wound the **** up That's not depression, that's a rational reaction. Hang in there. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted October 22, 2017 Share Posted October 22, 2017 I found this video really inspiring to be honest when you are feeling lost/down Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Can anyone recommend how I'd go about getting some decent counselling. I've looked online, but it all looks the same with people offering you the world. Am I best going my doctors, or is there anywhere people would recommend. Are there certain types of counselling that would be suited to my needs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villa89 Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 3 minutes ago, Rugeley Villa said: Can anyone recommend how I'd go about getting some decent counselling. Best to ask a doctor. They should know who the best ones are and what type you need. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 7 minutes ago, villa89 said: Best to ask a doctor. They should know who the best ones are and what type you need. I have a very good doctor, so he should point me in the right direction. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 16 hours ago, Rugeley Villa said: I have a very good doctor, so he should point me in the right direction. Doctors is always your first port of call, they will refer you to the right person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veloman Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 I guess that this is not exactly pertinent to the thread but I repeat it out of interest and to illustrate how times have changed. For some years I worked for Walsall Area Health Authority (Finance Dept) and we held old records at St Margarets Hospital - Great Barr. It was decided to examine and clear out the old records so a colleague were dispatched to have a look. They were mainly patients records and we discovered that some of the 'residents' had committed fairly gruesome crimes. BUT a large number of female patients had spent their life in there for no greater crime than having illegitimate children. Quite a thought provoking insight into those times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post leighavfc Posted January 17, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2018 I knew i had seen a thread about mental health somewhere here! Have read most of this thread now, and some great knowledge and thoughts shared by many posters in this thread. Thank you for that has helped me get me head around my situation at the minute. After toying with the idea of seeing somebody about my current mental health, and not doing it, reading this thread has give me the courage to go and see my doctor. I am pretty sure for the last 6 months or so i have been suffering with some sort of problem, had many of the symptoms of depression and generally just feel like S***t all the time. I have never in my whole life felt anything like the way i do day to day at the moment, and its only getting worse. Im falling out with people left right and centre, miserable, not sleeping well (2/3 hours some nights, been a longer term problem though.). No one really seems to listen or understand, no one asks me how i feel. I seem to be everybody elses problem solver, whilst bottling mine up all the time. Not good obviously! Like others have said in here, the education on this subject is not well publicised imo. I would also be guilty of not being aware of issues such as this. Sorry for the long post people, it does help having threads like this on here ! 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villa89 Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 Good stuff, the sooner you take action the better. If you let things fester than its much harder to fix them. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a m ole Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 5 minutes ago, leighavfc said: I knew i had seen a thread about mental health somewhere here! Have read most of this thread now, and some great knowledge and thoughts shared by many posters in this thread. Thank you for that has helped me get me head around my situation at the minute. After toying with the idea of seeing somebody about my current mental health, and not doing it, reading this thread has give me the courage to go and see my doctor. I am pretty sure for the last 6 months or so i have been suffering with some sort of problem, had many of the symptoms of depression and generally just feel like S***t all the time. I have never in my whole life felt anything like the way i do day to day at the moment, and its only getting worse. Im falling out with people left right and centre, miserable, not sleeping well (2/3 hours some nights, been a longer term problem though.). No one really seems to listen or understand, no one asks me how i feel. I seem to be everybody elses problem solver, whilst bottling mine up all the time. Not good obviously! Like others have said in here, the education on this subject is not well publicised imo. I would also be guilty of not being aware of issues such as this. Sorry for the long post people, it does help having threads like this on here ! The first and hardest step. To find which treatment works for you, (therapy/CBT, meds or both) have a little faith in your doc and try to not got disheartened if the first reccomendation doesn’t help. Good luck! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leighavfc Posted January 17, 2018 Share Posted January 17, 2018 12 minutes ago, villa89 said: Good stuff, the sooner you take action the better. If you let things fester than its much harder to fix them. Yep its about time i did something, im making life hard for those around me. My kidd can probably sense that something is up too, and thats not fair on them! There are so many situations ive faced recently that have probably played their part in all of this! 10 minutes ago, a m ole said: The first and hardest step. To find which treatment works for you, (therapy/CBT, meds or both) have a little faith in your doc and try to not got disheartened if the first reccomendation doesn’t help. Good luck! I agree, i have brushed it aside as having a lot of "bad days" in a short space of time. Im booked in for friday so hopefully get some sort of confirmation/answer to move forward. Obviously its not as simple as that but i hope i get out of this state of mind im in, its not good!!! For crying out loud i havent even been down the Villa too much this season....so its not them for a change!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StefanAVFC Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 I've had my battles with anxiety in the past, but never depression. I'm just feeling really down at the moment. 2 aspects to it really. 1) Personal. I broke up with my long term gf. And since, I can't open up to anybody. People moan about being single because they can't meet anybody but I don't have that problem. I meet them, I like them, they like me. But after my ex (who i feel I wasted 2.5 years with) I'm scared to jump in and waste more time, and make the wrong decision again. Also, she is giving me grief constantly, after not speaking with me for months, about pictures of us on social media. She's demanding I delete everything; I don't really care about this, it's more the principle of having to go through everything on MY profile, because her new fella is jealous. If he doesn't like it, don't go on my profile. Urgh, she made a huge deal out of social media when we were together and is still doing it now. Anyway, her behaviour has made my closed-feeling even stronger and I feel like I can't get through it. 2) Professional. Corporate life is just bogging me down. It's all so fake and forced. I got to management level 6 months ago, but I feel I'm back to the bottom of the ladder with ops above me, then senior ops, then heads of lines of business. This moan will make me sound super entitled but it's just symptomatic of my work life. At my work, like in any company, there are awards, at various levels. Twice, I have been nominated for a higher level award by my manager and twice they award has been knocked down to the lowest level without telling anyone. I had a management event on friday, and they presented the awards, so I received this low award in front of everyone. Then all night I had people congratulating me and I just felt cheated, yet again. Also, the lowest level managers just get dumped on with stupid ideas and initiatives. I just feel like I want to go somewhere else again. A clean break from everything. I'm young enough to do it, nothing is keeping me here but I already did it and I don't think I have the guts to do it again. Sorry for my rant but I just feel so down lately and want to shake it off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VILLAMARV Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 9 hours ago, StefanAVFC said: I've had my battles with anxiety in the past, but never depression. I'm just feeling really down at the moment. 2 aspects to it really. 1) Personal. I broke up with my long term gf. And since, I can't open up to anybody. People moan about being single because they can't meet anybody but I don't have that problem. I meet them, I like them, they like me. But after my ex (who i feel I wasted 2.5 years with) I'm scared to jump in and waste more time, and make the wrong decision again. Also, she is giving me grief constantly, after not speaking with me for months, about pictures of us on social media. She's demanding I delete everything; I don't really care about this, it's more the principle of having to go through everything on MY profile, because her new fella is jealous. If he doesn't like it, don't go on my profile. Urgh, she made a huge deal out of social media when we were together and is still doing it now. Anyway, her behaviour has made my closed-feeling even stronger and I feel like I can't get through it. 2) Professional. Corporate life is just bogging me down. It's all so fake and forced. I got to management level 6 months ago, but I feel I'm back to the bottom of the ladder with ops above me, then senior ops, then heads of lines of business. This moan will make me sound super entitled but it's just symptomatic of my work life. At my work, like in any company, there are awards, at various levels. Twice, I have been nominated for a higher level award by my manager and twice they award has been knocked down to the lowest level without telling anyone. I had a management event on friday, and they presented the awards, so I received this low award in front of everyone. Then all night I had people congratulating me and I just felt cheated, yet again. Also, the lowest level managers just get dumped on with stupid ideas and initiatives. I just feel like I want to go somewhere else again. A clean break from everything. I'm young enough to do it, nothing is keeping me here but I already did it and I don't think I have the guts to do it again. Sorry for my rant but I just feel so down lately and want to shake it off. Hey Stefan - Hugs man. Things will get better. As for No.1 - regarding the social media thing it seems to me you already know the answer there mate - They'll just have to grow up wont they. From a mental health perspective (as that's the thread we're in) maybe she has some control issues to sort out. If their new partner is jealous then there could be a whole myriad of reasons for that. None of which you have a duty to fix. But they sound like they have trust issues which is also something the individual will have to address. * please note - I AM NOT A DOCTOR! * But if things are over between you it's really not their concern. What complicates this of course - and Ive had to watch some close friends go through divorces and such quite recently - is if really you're harbouring desire for a reunion. If so you've got to be honest about why. And if that person doesn't want to be with you - then ask yourself why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? Surely you really want to be with someone who appreciates and enjoys your company, can engage with your intellect and shares a similar vision to you on what constitutes the sort of relationship they would like to be in. At the same time you need to set your own boundaries of what you expect. Also the fear over wasting time or - if I may - getting hurt again - is totally natural. Fear is a totally normal emotion. You recognise something that feels so bad you don't want to repeat it. Just like sticking your hand in a flame, So basically you're just intelligent in anyone's book. At the same time I doubt you have phsychic abilities and any assumption that the future holds the same futile outcome is exactly that. An assumption. As you are well aware assumptions can prove true or false but ultimately there's only one way to find out. Either way there's also the loss to deal with and grieving for that is also totally natural. On top of that, dealing with change. There's a lot to process emotionally and that all takes time. If you're not ready to commit to anything yet - don't worry - there's loads of people of all persuasions out there who feel the same way and as long as everyone's up front about that then where's the harm exactly? Try not to punish yourself if you've done nothing wrong. As for not opening up to anybody or your closed-feeling as you put it that's really the bit it's unfair/unwise of us all to comment too much about without a doctorate or knowing specifics without running the possibility of giving bad advice or indeed sounding trite. But don't be nervous of asking for help if you feel you need it. Talking things through with trained counselors is a positive thing. You've always come across as one of the more intelligent and humorous posters on here to be fair Stefan so there you go. Have a compliment whether you like it or not As for your work only you will know what's right for you. But we've all felt underappreciated - especially in the workplace. But don't apologise for 'ranting' (It honestly isn't that ranty) and let it all out. No problem to big or too small for a thread on the internet after all. As someone who (I believe from my short time here) has had 'the guts' as you put it to live in another country, work in another country and learn to speak other languages I feel confident in suggesting you are wrong about not having the guts to do anything you put your mind to. I mean you're probably still wrong about all sorts of politics and religion and football and stuff, but you're alright @StefanAVFC, you're alright. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 I've been meaning to post in this thread for quite a while now but haven't actually got around it. There is a lad that I work with and we became good mates, I knew that he had suffered with depression in the past but it seems to have came back with a vengeance, he's been off work since November, he came back last week but only managed a few hours before leaving, he's not been back in since. I often drop him a message and see how he is doing, some days we'll have a good chat and be bouncing messages back and forth just chatting shit but then other days I'll ask him how he's getting on and he will say something like 'I'm not going to lie mate, I feel like shit, constantly I was dead, having extreme mood swings, terrible anxiety and just generally feeling shit' I mean how the **** do I reply to that? we've had a few good chats about it but ultimately I can't do anything else except for say 'keep you chin up, let me know if you want to chat' I feel pretty useless. I try not to broach the subject and try to keep things as lighthearted as possible because I don't want to come across as though I'm checking up on him all the time. Its difficult to know if he appreciates the contact or if it would be better to just leave him alone and let him get in touch when he feels up to it. He is getting help and he is due to see someone this week to see if they can get his meds sorted for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackbauer24 Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 1 hour ago, leemond2008 said: I've been meaning to post in this thread for quite a while now but haven't actually got around it. There is a lad that I work with and we became good mates, I knew that he had suffered with depression in the past but it seems to have came back with a vengeance, he's been off work since November, he came back last week but only managed a few hours before leaving, he's not been back in since. I often drop him a message and see how he is doing, some days we'll have a good chat and be bouncing messages back and forth just chatting shit but then other days I'll ask him how he's getting on and he will say something like 'I'm not going to lie mate, I feel like shit, constantly I was dead, having extreme mood swings, terrible anxiety and just generally feeling shit' I mean how the **** do I reply to that? we've had a few good chats about it but ultimately I can't do anything else except for say 'keep you chin up, let me know if you want to chat' I feel pretty useless. I try not to broach the subject and try to keep things as lighthearted as possible because I don't want to come across as though I'm checking up on him all the time. Its difficult to know if he appreciates the contact or if it would be better to just leave him alone and let him get in touch when he feels up to it. He is getting help and he is due to see someone this week to see if they can get his meds sorted for him. I'll keep this short but it's a question a lot of people ask and there is no right answer for everyone. It also depends on how much you REALLY want to know - and I don't mean that in a horrible way but it is somewhat of a responsibility to offer your ear to someone if you either don't want to, or can't for whatever reason, listen. I am always on the look out for people who are just hoping for a "fine thanks" rather than the truth. But if I was to sum up, and taking all the above in to account and when you consider how close you are, then I'd simply be up front. I'd personally have appreciated something along the lines of "hope you're doing well, call me if you want to chat about stuff or if you want to talk about anything but I'm here for that too!" Keep it light but offers to be there for the dark. Try not to offer solutions and point in the direction of experts if you're genuinely worried. However, despite everyone being different, even just the occasional message that you and he both know is just you checking up on him isn't a bad thing anyway - just shows you care. Once every few weeks isn't pestering and just be patient if there isn't a reply. Also be prepared that he may hide from you/society for long periods - it's not personal though. Sorry there's no real answer. I have lost all my friends because of this, some very much self inflicted, but I'd have appreciated any one putting in any effort especially if they know a little bit of the back story so just be there when he's ready. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VILLAMARV Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 1 hour ago, leemond2008 said: I've been meaning to post in this thread for quite a while now but haven't actually got around it. There is a lad that I work with and we became good mates, I knew that he had suffered with depression in the past but it seems to have came back with a vengeance, he's been off work since November, he came back last week but only managed a few hours before leaving, he's not been back in since. I often drop him a message and see how he is doing, some days we'll have a good chat and be bouncing messages back and forth just chatting shit but then other days I'll ask him how he's getting on and he will say something like 'I'm not going to lie mate, I feel like shit, constantly I was dead, having extreme mood swings, terrible anxiety and just generally feeling shit' I mean how the **** do I reply to that? we've had a few good chats about it but ultimately I can't do anything else except for say 'keep you chin up, let me know if you want to chat' I feel pretty useless. I try not to broach the subject and try to keep things as lighthearted as possible because I don't want to come across as though I'm checking up on him all the time. Its difficult to know if he appreciates the contact or if it would be better to just leave him alone and let him get in touch when he feels up to it. He is getting help and he is due to see someone this week to see if they can get his meds sorted for him. Text and Email etc are about as unobtrusive as communication gets. There's no expectation for an immediate response. In my experience with the people around me who suffer from various conditions that just being able to normalise things through honest communication can help a lot. Just simply not having to pretend everything is ok. There's no one size fits all answer is there really, but it sounds like you're being a good friend. Definitely dont assume your contact is unwelcome though. Treating people normally is the key imo. As a friend though your duty is to be a friend, the fact that you want to help is admirable but it's not your responsibility to fix anything. Like @jackbauer24 says above though it can come down to how much you really want to know. There's a wealth of knowledge out there. Learning about different conditions alongside people learning about themselves has been liberating in my experience. At the same time it can go to some pretty dark places. But other than remembering your friend is more than just his mental health condition and not being offended if your contact goes unanswered and at the same time letting them know you're always available to talk what else can you do? Sounds like you're nailing it to be fair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 Cheers lads, pretty much what I thought, it' strange cuz he has 2 young kids and a wife but I'm not sure how much he opens up to her or anyone else really. I'l just keep on doing what I'm doing, the dark stuff doesn't bother me, I don't scare easily, that's maybe why he can be so blunt with me about how he's feeling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 (edited) Starting to wobble at the mo. Black dog is there and my SAD is affecting me a lot the last few weeks. Got no money following Christmas, Dads stag do, dads wedding plus monthly bills and it being a 5 week month has really piled on the pressure. Relationship with the polish girl is good but glacial progression in terms of her divorce but I knew that going into it so I don’t tell her as that would be unfair but it still affects me. It’s 12 months tomorrow since I moved out the marital home. Had a lot of thoughts the last few weeks about her and the marriage so that’s screwing with my head as well. Dads wedding affected me too as the last wedding I was at was my own. Plus Dad getting remarried was the last nail into the demise of my childhood nucleus. Mom and dad apart, one Nan dead, the other in la la land. My remaining Nan has lost her marbles and had to go into a dementia home but it’s the other side of erdington and with my shifts it’s a massive struggle to get to see her which is causing guilt on my behalf and I can sense resentment from my dad/brother. It’s alright for them as they have partners who help, clean, cook etc so they have the time but I have to do all this for myself so I’m dying on my arse. I want to visit my Nan but just can’t get the time. Job is **** shit, the NHS is on its arse thanks to Hunt and Managament/Head honchos slimming and skimming the funds. The pressure is immense. Pay is shit compared to cost of living but if I left I wouldn’t get any better pay elsewhere. Living on my own doesn’t help with rent/bills/saving etc.... Feel like I’m stuck and every now and again going under the waves and then somehow manage to get some air then slowly start sinking again and it just keeps repeating. Im 32 now, 33 in a few months, I’m supposed to have all this crap figured out by now aren’t I? I wanted a couple of kids by now, it’s gonna be at least a few more years at least until I get there. I’ll be 35+ by then. Feels like a few years ago I was heading in the right direction, got engaged, bought a home etc... it’s all gone tits up the last 18 months and I’ll readily admit that I’m properly properly struggling to cope with everything. Edited January 25, 2018 by Ingram85 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 4 hours ago, Ingram85 said: Im 32 now, 33 in a few months, I’m supposed to have all this crap figured out by now aren’t I? I wanted a couple of kids by now, it’s gonna be at least a few more years at least until I get there. I’ll be 35+ by then. Don't put so much pressure on yourself. I had my daughter at 38, after years of single living/ failed relationships. The rest sounds hard, but it'll improve. "This too will pass." 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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