lapal_fan Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 Sorry situation dude. Not a lot anyone on here can say other than wish you the best, and if you really are struggling, go and get some counselling, or just try and "look on the market" for yourself, you never know, you might find some who really likes you, for being you Whatever route you take, I wish you the best of luck - as little as that actually means from a stranger. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MakemineVanilla Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 It wasn't a blind date! She has just mastered the art of taking a selfie. I've decided to see her again on Sunday. I will decide after the next meet. We've been chatting on WhatsApp all week and we get on really well which is rare for me. So, if I can come round to the idea of kissing her on Sunday I might keep seeing her. I think it's unlikely though! Being quite shallow sucks, I have no right to want better.... But I do! And hahaha, no pics, could be your sister for all I know Like most blokes you undervalue yourself because you don't realise what gives you value. It is nothing to do with looks, charm, or dick-size, it is all about the fantastic amount of utility you potentially could provide. All men might be total ***** but they sure are useful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcTheObsession Posted August 20, 2015 Share Posted August 20, 2015 I don't think it's shallow to want to be attracted to someone you are going to spend a lot of intimate time with. One thing I would say though is that believe it or not attraction can happen through the ears as well as the eyes. A good friend of mine met a girl, far from an oil painting but they were made for each other personality wise. It's their first wedding anniversary next week! She sucks a blinding cock, doesn't she? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Split with the girlfriend of 12 years just before Christmas, she said things had changed for her! I'd put it down to her new job and work xollegues although I was and am sure she wasn't screwing anyone else. I tried to put us back together but she said no so I bought myself a new house and had the kids as much as posible with the lingering hope we'd be able to reconcile!. We've always been on speaking terms and I've always made the effort to help as much as I can financially etc. The last few months she seemed to be warming to me and I really thought when she gets back from holiday with the kids we'd be getting back together!. I ran into a mutual friend last week who proceeded to inform me me that she's been shagging a bloke from her work the last few months!!! The friend knows cos she told her! I've been there for the ex all the time through problems she's had this year including her father dying! I've asked her and Shea denied it but everything I've suspected but tried to ignore adds up and I'm 110% convinced. Funnily enough I'd still take her back if she was honest-what does that say? Honestly? It says you are a bit of a doormat. She's moved on, shagging someone else and still been taking advantage of your good nature (financially and emotionally). You've been played good and proper sir. Move on and stop pining for her as its not a good look for a bloke. Sorry for being harsh but you've been done like a kipper. All the best 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bunnski Posted August 21, 2015 Share Posted August 21, 2015 Split with the girlfriend of 12 years just before Christmas, she said things had changed for her! I'd put it down to her new job and work xollegues although I was and am sure she wasn't screwing anyone else. I tried to put us back together but she said no so I bought myself a new house and had the kids as much as posible with the lingering hope we'd be able to reconcile!. We've always been on speaking terms and I've always made the effort to help as much as I can financially etc. The last few months she seemed to be warming to me and I really thought when she gets back from holiday with the kids we'd be getting back together!. I ran into a mutual friend last week who proceeded to inform me me that she's been shagging a bloke from her work the last few months!!! The friend knows cos she told her! I've been there for the ex all the time through problems she's had this year including her father dying! I've asked her and Shea denied it but everything I've suspected but tried to ignore adds up and I'm 110% convinced. Funnily enough I'd still take her back if she was honest-what does that say? Honestly? It says you are a bit of a doormat. She's moved on, shagging someone else and still been taking advantage of your good nature (financially and emotionally). You've been played good and proper sir. Move on and stop pining for her as its not a good look for a bloke. Sorry for being harsh but you've been done like a kipper. All the best That's the harsh truth of it tbf. See for her what she is Rob and tell yourself you are better than to be getting the run around from selfish ppl like that. You don't need her and for the time being you will be ok, push yourself to move on. Once you griev and process the reality of your situation you will be in a better place and will be a more attractive proposition to someone whos is worth your love and attention. You are a good person as you obviously have everyones best interests at heart so don't get dragged down by a selfish woman and waste your time or energy on her as it will just end up negatively affecting you. good luck and take care. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 Put your love sabre in another woman's splurge pocket. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robitee Posted August 22, 2015 Share Posted August 22, 2015 Thanks for the replies I suppose I knew but wasn't admitting it to myself 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 Thanks for the replies I suppose I knew but wasn't admitting it to myself Onwards and upwards my man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YLN Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 But aren't you on a break? You guys broke up after 12 years together. She goes off and shags someone else. Yeah then she denies it, and who knows what to think of that, probably better if she had just been honest, or maybe she isn't shagging him. Well anyway, 12 years is a long time. And you have children. I'm guessing you're youngish. 12 year long relationships, since you were young yourselves, maybe she felt like she wants to have a break for a bit, maybe shag some other blokes, have you shag some other girls and then see if you still want to be together. Not great with children in the picture, but sometimes girls are awful. And men are worse. Chances are it's over, in which case you need to take some time - like a lot of time - to get over it all. But if it isn't over and she does come back to you saying that all other men are awful and she realises now, then I don't think you should use advice you got on VillaTalk to make your decision on whether or not to take her back. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted August 23, 2015 VT Supporter Share Posted August 23, 2015 Went on a date last night which is quite a rare thing for me! Had a really good time, 4 hours just flew by and had a good chat, only problem is... I don't really find her all that attractive She's a really nice girl and we got on really well, but I don't know if I want to see her again which is incredibly shallow of me. I'm not exactly an oil painting myself but I think I can do better So I really don't know what to do.. Has VT ever been in this situation before? What did you do? I don't know whether to just be honest now and say I'm not all that interested, but if you lose a little bit of weight I might be Or Go on a second date and decide again Or Just wait til I try to DHUTWU and judge her by that response! It doesn't make you shallow to not be attracted to a person. That doesn't necessarily mean by looks alone. But it's part of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 But aren't you on a break? You guys broke up after 12 years together. She goes off and shags someone else. Yeah then she denies it, and who knows what to think of that, probably better if she had just been honest, or maybe she isn't shagging him. Well anyway, 12 years is a long time. And you have children. I'm guessing you're youngish. 12 year long relationships, since you were young yourselves, maybe she felt like she wants to have a break for a bit, maybe shag some other blokes, have you shag some other girls and then see if you still want to be together. Not great with children in the picture, but sometimes girls are awful. And men are worse. Chances are it's over, in which case you need to take some time - like a lot of time - to get over it all. But if it isn't over and she does come back to you saying that all other men are awful and she realises now, then I don't think you should use advice you got on VillaTalk to make your decision on whether or not to take her back. So, should he disregard all of this too? Goddamn this is so meta it blows my mind. It's like the TV in the broom cupboard with Andi Peters and Ed the Duck where you could see what you saw on the TV on the TV and then the TV inside the TV on your TV ad infinitum... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jjaacckk91 Posted August 25, 2015 Share Posted August 25, 2015 (edited) About 6 months ago my mum and dad were having a rough patch and my sister thought my mum was up to something with another bloke, so she snooped on her and found some incriminating stuff(signed love letters birthday cards etc) in her drawers and eventually found the guy she thought she was cheating with. Things between my mum and dad seemed to get better and I heard nothing else of this. Lately there's been more arguments(largely about my mums lack of intimacy) and my mum has started training in a different role and has been at work a lot including very late nights and weekends(unpaid) which is unusual and something her job didn't used to require. My sister thought she was taking the piss out of my dad and phoned her yesterday to call her out on it, apparently she admitted it and then started acted like she was having a different conversation completely laughing down the phone as if someone else was there then said I'll call you later. She didn't call her back and now my sister came to me again today telling me what she thinks is going on. Me and my sister both still live at home and although that probably doesn't help the issue from my parents point of view we are both here to save £ and are stable enough to live alone. Apparently when they talked of divorce previously my mum said she would take him for half of everything( house pensions etc although she can say nasty off the cuff things in arguments) and my dad is largely the breadwinner in the family so this seems especially unfair when my mum would be the one cheating and gaining the most from a divorce. Also my mum has been ill enough to get a ct scan recently but hasn't spoken to anyone in the family about what is wrong, she only ever speaks about work. I've said to my sister if she wants to confront my mum to do it in person alone in a quiet place where she can't avoid the conversation. But otherwise if she is actually cheating should I do anything? It seems awful on my dad to carry on pretending I know nothing, but also awful to push them into a conversation that means divorce even though I think they would be happier. My dads not stupid, but I think confirmation she was cheating would destroy him, and I really don't want to be the person to tell him. Has anyone been in this situation before? or my dads/mums position? What would you do? Edited August 25, 2015 by jjaacckk91 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 The evidence would obviously point to an affair. The obvious course of action would be for both you and your sister to confront/chat (not over the phone) to your mother, and see where it goes. She's the one that needs to tell your Dad about the affair. So give her that chance. If she refuses, it's up to both your and your sister, together, to tell him. If you don't, and he finds out later down the line that his Son and Daughter have been implicit in the cover up, how is that going to make him feel? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Personally, I'd steer well clear of mum and dad stuff. You don't know what back story there might be. Everyone is different and you'll have to do what you believe is right. But snooping through parents stuff for evidence and confronting people when you live in the same house sounds like a bad idea to me. If your sister can find stuff in the house, what makes you think your dad couldn't find it if he wanted to? Unless you are prepared to hear and see some real grown up life spin out from that confrontation, have a little pause. Way way back in the day, I left home because of mum and dad stuff. Thirty years later I now know I clearly had the wrong end of the wrong stick. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villaglint Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Way way back in the day, I left home because of mum and dad stuff. Thirty years later I now know I clearly had the wrong end of the wrong stick. An interesting mystery? Don't worry I wont press on the details but I am left wondering if that somehow played a part in your phobia of golf umbrellas! I have to agree though Mums and Dads should do everything they can to make sure kids arent stuck in the middle of their domestic dramas. It is so unfair and unhealthy for the kids involved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Way way back in the day, I left home because of mum and dad stuff. Thirty years later I now know I clearly had the wrong end of the wrong stick. An interesting mystery? Don't worry I wont press on the details but I am left wondering if that somehow played a part in your phobia of golf umbrellas! I have to agree though Mums and Dads should do everything they can to make sure kids arent stuck in the middle of their domestic dramas. It is so unfair and unhealthy for the kids involved. Indeed. But these aren't really kids anymore. Both 'kids' are adults, and can see what's going on. Both could be self sufficient living elsewhere. They won't be thanked for being complicit in their Mother's affair. Like I say, first step is to speak to the Mother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Everyone is different and you'll have to do what you believe is right. But snooping through parents stuff for evidence and confronting people when you live in the same house sounds like a bad idea to me. Both these things are also true. Having said that, I think that can of worms has already been opened, and may be difficuilt to close. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eames Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Personally, I'd steer well clear of mum and dad stuff. You don't know what back story there might be. Everyone is different and you'll have to do what you believe is right. But snooping through parents stuff for evidence and confronting people when you live in the same house sounds like a bad idea to me. If your sister can find stuff in the house, what makes you think your dad couldn't find it if he wanted to? Unless you are prepared to hear and see some real grown up life spin out from that confrontation, have a little pause. Way way back in the day, I left home because of mum and dad stuff. Thirty years later I now know I clearly had the wrong end of the wrong stick. My mum and dad split up last year after his second affair in 5 years. Stay away is my advice. Far away. Its their relationship not yours. Do not get stuck in the middle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted August 26, 2015 Share Posted August 26, 2015 Wow Eames, even your dad is an asshole! (ref your sig) (I'm so sorry if that has upset you) (no really, I am) (sorry donnie) (I'm not actually sorry donnie ) (sorry donnie) 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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