troon_villan Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 My Dad asked me earlier whether i'd ever thought about getting help for my Oasis addiction. "I SAID MAYYYBEEEEE" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Risso Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 I've just become a professor of palindromes. From now on I'll be known as Dr. Awkward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Teacher: "Johnny, can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?" Little Johnny: Drin-king, smo-king, and fuc-king. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
troon_villan Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 Met an older woman at a bar last night. She wasn't bad for 57, we drank and flirted a bit, then she asked if I'd ever had a mother and daughter combo. I said no. We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night. I went back to her place. She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs: "Mum, you still awake?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Met an older woman at a bar last night. She wasn't bad for 57, we drank and flirted a bit, then she asked if I'd ever had a mother and daughter combo. I said no. We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night. I went back to her place. She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs: "Mum, you still awake?" That's a real story from my life. Can't believe it has been turned into a joke >_< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claretman Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 I took the wife to a dance at the weekend, and there was a guy there giving it large on the dance floor. The wife said "see him there, 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down" I said "looks like he's still **** celebrating." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimzk5 Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 An Irishman on a quiz show was asked, "which creature in greek mithology was half man and half beast " Answer: Buffalo Bill. there was once a question on the weakest link that went anne robinson - "which chocolate bar takes its name from the greek god of war & is also a planet" contestant - "Twix?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
troon_villan Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Met an older woman at a bar last night. She wasn't bad for 57, we drank and flirted a bit, then she asked if I'd ever had a mother and daughter combo. I said no. We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night. I went back to her place. She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs: "Mum, you still awake?" That's a real story from my life. Can't believe it has been turned into a joke >_< Oops!! I thought this was the General Chat thread! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valhalla Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 Nope, none of these "jokes" make me laugh, try harder. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rodders Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 what's grey and can't swim? a filing cabinet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Designer1 Posted June 19, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted June 19, 2012 what's grey and can't swim? a filing cabinet. brilliant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PussEKatt Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 what's grey and can't swim? a filing cabinet. Thats similar to what the Riddler asked Batman in the first Batman movie I saw. What is yellow and dangerious ? A canary with a machine gun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted June 20, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted June 20, 2012 Nope, none of these "jokes" make me laugh, try harder. Can you do better? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zatman Posted June 20, 2012 Share Posted June 20, 2012 Nope, none of these "jokes" make me laugh, try harder. Can you do better? he is too busy taking my job as anti-english guy on VT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
troon_villan Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 what's grey and can't swim? a filing cabinet. Thats similar to what the Riddler asked Batman in the first Batman movie I saw. What is yellow and dangerious ? A canary with a machine gun. What's the best way to catch a rabbit? Make a noise like a carrot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PussEKatt Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 I like these really silly ones,how about. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a sparrow ? Saggy power lines. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted June 21, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted June 21, 2012 Why did the girl fall of the swing? She didn't have any arms Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PussEKatt Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Why did the girl fall of the swing? She didn't have any arms I really like that one. Why are elephants grey ? So you can tell the difference between an elephant and a blueberry. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants comming ? Here come the elephants. What did Jane say when she saw the elephants comming ? Here come the blueberrys, cause she is colour blind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paddywhack Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 Why did the girl fall of the swing? She didn't have any arms I really like that one. Why are elephants grey ? So you can tell the difference between an elephant and a blueberry. What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants comming ? Here come the elephants. What did Jane say when she saw the elephants comming ? Here come the blueberrys, cause she is colour blind. I sniggered :oops: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted June 21, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted June 21, 2012 Why did the girl fall of the swing? She didn't have any arms I really like that one. Oh God! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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