Meath_Villan Posted July 5, 2012 Share Posted July 5, 2012 I fail to see how getting arrested and banned from the supermarket is my fault. It was the wife that asked me to take her up the chocolate aisle. as its rob its difficult to say if this is a joke or it really happened Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enda Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 What's brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr Dre. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enda Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enda Posted July 6, 2012 Share Posted July 6, 2012 One night after stumbling home hammered, John's wife warns him that she'll divorce him if he ever comes home that drunk again. One week later he's out with the lads. After his thirteenth pint he vomits all down his shirt. Afraid of what his wife will think, John begins to panic. His friends tell him not to worry. Placing £20 in his pocket, they tell John to say that somebody else got sick on him, and gave him the money for dry cleaning. He arrives home and after seeing the shirt, the wife throws a tantrum. "Don't worry, love" says John as he reaches into his pocket. "Some bloke did it to me, and gave me this £20 note to pay for the dry cleaning." "But John, you're holding £40" says the wife. "I have a simple explanation for that too, darling. That's from the chap who shat in my pants." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted July 6, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted July 6, 2012 Wettes June/July on record apparently. I blame "50 Shades of Grey" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Got stopped in the street outside Boots today by a woman with a clipboard asking "What products do I use for grooming?" She was a bit taken aback when I replied "Facebook". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brumerican Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Wettes June/July on record apparently. I blame "50 Shades of Grey" In conjunction with Magic Mike. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFCforever1991 Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Got stopped in the street outside Boots today by a woman with a clipboard asking "What products do I use for grooming?" She was a bit taken aback when I replied "Facebook". Dark.. lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 I walked up to a girl in a nightclub and said, "You've got a fantastic arse." "Thanks," she blushed. I said, "But it's a shame about your face." "That's not very nice, is it?" "No, it's **** dreadful." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 A girl walks up to me in a bar and says "What's your name?" I asked ,"Why do you want to know my name?" "Because if you're lucky I'll be screaming it all night long" She didn't look too impressed when I told her my name was rape. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 The wife asked me what I was doing on the internet last night. I told her I was looking for flights. "I love you!" she said and then she got all excited. That night we had the most amazing sex ever... which is odd because she's never shown an interest in darts before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 I went to the pub last night and saw a fat bird dancing on a table. I said to her "Nice legs". The girl giggled and said with a smile "Do you really think so". I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 I've just watched a documentary about children being beaten and abused in Indian sweatshops. Looking at the quality of stitching on my new trainers the little bastards deserved it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legov Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None. Jesus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted July 20, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted July 20, 2012 How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? None. Jesus.Yeah, I'll bet he had a hand in it as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legov Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 Not saying it was a poor joke btw, but it did make me wonder why less well-known tragedies like the Irish potato famine can be used as comedic material, while the Holocaust can't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted July 20, 2012 Moderator Share Posted July 20, 2012 less well-known tragedies like the Irish potato famine can be used as comedic material, It was said by an Irish man It's like how black rap artists can use the N-word with abandon and jews can make jew jokes. You can mock your own, but others must tread with care :nod: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted July 20, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted July 20, 2012 I hope you're Jewish, Gareth... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted July 20, 2012 Share Posted July 20, 2012 Piss on you! I'm working for Mel Brooks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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