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Your bestest accident / crash / fall / injury


chrisp65
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So, what’s been you’re best comedy crash splash crunch moment. What would get you £250 from comedy legend Harry Hill?

 

I once managed to ram my own car into my next door neighbour’s car, whilst driving my dad’s car. I hadn’t been driving long and between the neighbour and my dad they’d managed to box me in. My car was perfectly balanced on an indent in the road as it had no handbrake at the time. I went to drive off but couldn’t so I nipped back into the house picked up my dad’s keys with the intention of reversing him back a couple of feet.

He’d left his in gear, so a turn of the key made it lurch forward, hitting mine. Mine had no handbrake so whacked into the neighbours car. In some sort of panic brain fart I decided the best course of action was to turn the key again – with the same results.

Oh how we all laughed.

Recently, I decided to fall down the stairs. But not just a little tumble, it was proper Laurel and Hardy both feet up in the air on the very top step only pausing on the way down to smack my head, arse and kidneys. Still sore, still got a tender side / rib / kidney three weeks later.

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struggling to think of a really good one  ... I haven't even got the luxury of football in groin to win the money with :(

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voOQ-Fph7Fc

 

I did the obligatory riding a motorbike for the first time revving the engine and shooting off out of control  whilst simultaneously  losing the ability to let go of the accelerator and use the brakes  .. and ended in a bush ... but we've all done that one haven't we ??

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Just a wee bit down from Kings Norton library, there are four concrete bollards by the entrance to the football pitches. If you look closely, you'll see that two of them are different to the other two. They all used to be the same until I removed two of them in my mother's car. 

 

Having just finished a sunday afternoon football session, I packed up the car, jumped in a was heading to the then gf's house. Spotting a gap in a long line of traffic, I put my foot down, knowing I had plenty of space to nip in. Unbeknown to me, a team mate had borrowed a football pump from the kit bag and left it on the passenger side dash in my car. As I sped out into the traffic, the car leaned, just as I achieved full lock on the steering wheel, the lean of the car caused the pump to slide down the dash and lodge itself in the spokes of the steering wheel, causing me to come almost full circle, mount the pavement and clean out two of the concrete bollards.

 

Despite my protestations, it was the last time I drove the old dear's car. 

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Best injury was in Chesterfield Gateway. My mom had popped all the shopping on to the till and had forgotten the cat food. So I scurried off in pursuit of a can of whiskers, grabbed it and made my way back. It was then i stepped onto the untied lace of my right trainer and fell chin first onto the cat food. There was a shit load of blood and cat food mashed into my chin and I had to make the trip to a&e smelling like horse gristle and gravy.

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12 year old kid, mountain bike down a path on a hill, got up some speed, went over a road, tried to go over what i though was a drop down kerb... turned out to be a regular kerb with a load of silt in front of it, apparently the handlebars went in to my face, i then landed on my face and skidded about 5m down the road on it...

 

lost both my front teeth, broke my nose, cuts everywhere, my face was smashed, both knees, both elbows, both wrists all covered in cuts, you know that little flappy thing in the centre of your gums at the top of the front of your mouth that effectively connects your gums to your lips? ripped that! i was bleeding from just about everywhere

 

i didnt half scream

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I've always been pretty lucky considering I'm a clumsy ****.

 

luckiest escape I had was after having a couple of pints after work I was on my way home to get changed to head out up town, It was raining and I slipped backwards somehow whilst running for the bus, a taxi ran over my leg (literally about 6 inches away from going straight over my knee) and smashed my heel into the floor.

I got up and hobbled for the bus and could hear people saying 'oh my god he's just been ran over' my mate didn't believe what had happened, anyway I got off the bus bought a can of special brew to numb the pain, got home, got changed, went back out, danced the night away

 

woke up the following day and my entire foot was black and I couldn't walk for about 10 days

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This happened to my cousin. We were at a powerleague, and his dad decided to let him drive around the car park. As he went to park the car outside one of the pitches, he put his foot down on the accelerate instead of the brake and ends up ramming through the wall and onto the pitch.

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When I was 11 I had a scooter and decided to go down a really big hill. I picked up a lot of speed and for some reason I thought the best way to get round this bend was do a wheelie round it, came flying off and ended up on the pavement on the opposite side.

 

I remember going to the Botanical Gardens in Birmingham and they had a playground and one of the things you could do was try to walk across these narrow wooden beams that were a few feet off the floor. It was wet as it had been raining and I slipped, went straight down and myself and beam connected in a place Id rather we didn't. I then spun upside down and onto the floor, I was in pain.

 

They would get me £250 but haven't done much silly stuff in my adult life. In secondary school I did the old classic, walk across a tree trunk that goes over a river, it snapped I fell in the river ruining my brand new school shoes (They were Kickers, remember them?) my mum wasn't impressed.

 

I also thought you couldn't slip on a banana peel, I assumed it was just a made up thing in cartoons. I went to pretend to slip on one as a joke, because I was hilarious like that, and well I actually slipped good and proper and landed on my arse.

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An old lady drove into my car (driving forward) whilst I was eating a BLT sandwich in the driver's seat in a Tesco carpark. Luckily my wheel was turned, so all she did was take the side of her car off :lol:

 

Also been reversed to in another Tesco carpark whilst I was stationary, I don't have much luck at that place!

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never had a serious injury or really broke anything major. got into a confrontation with some contractors from Barnsley that were working on the rugeley power station in the local late night bar, one of them bottled me from the side straight on the side of my eye. knocked me out for a few seconds, had to have 3 stiches above my eye and it also broke off a tiny bit of bone from my nose. never been so happy to get knocked out as it dulled the pain and impact. got up after waking up with people worrying and saying ambulance is on way, I said **** that I wanna drink and went straight bar. ended up in the hospital later that night as the pain worsened and my eye swelled up. pubs ay who needs them

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I've had a few bumps & bruises but the most relevant to this site is probably -

 

The time I'd recently had some stitches under my arm, read Mooney's 'Dog in a beekeeping suit' line and laughed so much my stitches burst.

 

I've only just realised at this precise moment that 'my sides split' literally :D haha

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Ten years old playing a match down 1-0 into injury time, I find myself free at the back post screaming for the ball, a perfect cross swung in, went up to do a proper bikey (non of this overhead kick stuff) connected perfectly, got really high off the ground, put my hand down to break my fall, ended up dislocating my elbow very badly, and what was as bad I hit the post with what would have been the greatest goal of my short lived career.

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Unblocking the U bend under the bath last summer after spending the day in stourport drinking, take the bath panel off, lie down and start unscrewing the U bend, take it off and start pulling all the clogged up shit out of it, put it back in U, tighten it up

Now at this point, I put my hand on the floor to stand up, but when I was removing the stuff out the bend, some, all be it a minimal amount of water spilt onto the lino on the floor, I put my hand in said water, pushed my self up, at which point my hand slips, I go arse over tit & smash my head off the toilet seat so hard it shattered

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Got pushed over a hedge by a drunken friend who didn't realise there was a spiked fence behind the hedge. A spike went through my jeans into the top of my thigh (not far from my balls) and I was left impaled as everyone laughed. Lot of blood but still tried to get into a club and woke up the next day in a little puddle of blood.

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Came off the bike on cobbles outside the Dukes Head in Putney, which as usual for Summer days, was packed with beautiful Putney people.

 

Lost a fair bit of skin.

 

That night I met up with a girl that would become my girlfriend for the following 6 years.

 

Her bed the next day was caked in blood crust.

 

One back for the guys ;)

Edited by Xann
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