Rodders Posted February 22, 2014 Share Posted February 22, 2014 (edited) 1. As a kid we had a quad bike back home ( only a smallish kid sized one ) which was fun to arse about on. With friends around one time, I decided to construct a ramp which couldn't possibly fail using about 8 barrels and some planks of wood for the tracks. I was about 9 or 10 so was very confident of success and insisted on going first. Brmm, brmm I go.. approach the wooden planks at speed... Boof - immediate contact with the thick edge of planks - bike goes a few feet in the air tipping vertically, I fly off backwards and nobble my back quite badly, bike crashes "arse" first into the barrels not knocked over by the sprawling planks. Friends piss themselves. 2. skiing in canada, I'm a novice and had only done a brief bit a few years prior, and on the first day deciding against lessons as " I would remember it, no problem, just like a bike isn't it?" type confidence, going with a group of other people I've met at the hostel, following them slowly around this gradual decline, turn a corner and then there are alternative pistes, I should have gone on the green one I think ( or blue ? - the easy one anyway ) but forgot how to turn, and with cries / giggles of "no, not that way, that's a black piste" I swiftly disappeared down a piste called 'niagara falls'. I lost control half way down performing an unintentional splits and crash fell over at the bottom with skies flying everywhere. Bruised ego only though mercifully. 3. In general, I'm a clumsy clot with no spatial awareness so frequently walk into things, or on a recently smoothed down road in my school days there was one extant pot hole it appears, and several feet either side of safe path to go. Focussed on conversation with friends, you see where I'm going with this, I found the pot hole and fell flat on my face.A bloodied nose and again, pride a bit piqued. 4. Also as a kid, I walked up behind my brother swinging a golf club and got an unplanned trip to A&E as my head was split open. Edited February 22, 2014 by Rodders 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVTuco Posted February 22, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted February 22, 2014 My son had stomach flu. He started to throw up in his bed at midnight. I went over, picked him up and started to run towards bathroom. He threw up in front of us and I slipped into it with my feet flying towards the ceiling. We landed on the floor with my right hand at the bottom. Of course we were covered in vomit. My elbow was fractured quite badly and it needed to be operated. I could've lived with that since my son didn't get hurt at all. But the seven weeks of sick leave was unbearable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tegis Posted February 22, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted February 22, 2014 As a bright teen, I wondered how difficult it could be riding my moped with hands crossed on opposite handles. Instant failure and a expressflight down a fairly deep ditch. Mostly broken pride and a few bruises Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted February 23, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted February 23, 2014 I have a couple, First back in late 70's . On our way back from Sunday morning football at Billesley common. We had to drop some lads off at the wheatsheaf in Sheldon. I was in the front passenger seat of a clapped out old Allegro. So we were approaching the lights in the middle lane. The lights turned red and the guy in front breaked sharpish. Our driver reacted well and stopped, but the guy behind didn't. It was a fair bump, not really a crash. My mate the driver, who was a bit hot headed, went to get out to speak to the bloke. The thing was, the bump had just done enough to the car to push part of the body forward a third of an inch or so. He couldn't open the door. He was very angry now. He asked me to try the passenger door. It was stuck also, but not as much as the drivers side. So he got me to lean back and tried to boot it open. It worked the door opened. Unfortunately the lights had changed and the traffic started moving. a car took the door right off. He clambered over me to speak to the bloke who hit us. His blood was up now. After a minute or so the 2 drivers agreed to pull up in a spot just after the lights. Mick, the driver, tried his door from the outside, and after a good yank, got it open. He got back in, but the door wouldn't shut properly. Anyway we started to move slowly, but the door swung open. Only to be hit by a car on the other side, taking it right off as well. I didn't laugh until he cooled down. The other one was a bit of diy A few years back mom and dad went to South Africa for a long holiday, they asked me if I would decorate the living room and the spare bedroom, as there seemed to be a water stain on the wall paper. Anyway they were going to be away for 6 weeks. I put it off, I mean, I could do it easy in a week, what could possibly go wrong. So I started the week before they came back. Now mom had always had a decorator in to do the wall papering, she had it done every other year. She had anaglypta the last time, so that hat to come off. All was going well until I tackled the last wall. This was the wall which was always the contrast wall for those who can remember them. Anyway I went at this wall, and realised the bloody decorator had never removed any paper at all, I could see all the wallpapers I remembered from my childhood. Bloody hell I thought. So I went at it with gusto, when all of a sudden a great big piece of plaster came off. I mean big, bigger than a subbuteo pitch size. I had to get my mate round to put the browning on and told me to leave it for about a week to dry. Not a chance, I thought, Moms back in 6 days and its got to be done by then. I reckoned I would finish the other walls and come back to this one. That took about a day and a half. So then I went to look at the spare bedroom, not to big, easily done in a day. The problem was moving the furniture on my own. I got the bed out and chest of drawers but there was nowhere to put the wardrobe. So I thought I could work around it. I manoevered it a bit, but the door kept swinging open. So I locked it. Anyway I stripped the wall paper off, that bit was easy. Then I could see the watermark was in the plaster, obvious a tiny leak somewhere. I got into the loft and found the leak, The valve on the tank just need tightening. So I got up to get my tools, missed my footing and went straight through the roof. I reckon the leak had really weakend the plaster board. The thing was I went straight through the roof, and straight through the top of the bleeding wardrobe, with a crash bang wallop. I couldn't bloody move, I was in the wardrobe up to my shoulders with 1 arm in and 1 out. I was stuck fast, and there was no one else in the house. After a few moments of panic and about 10 minutes of ooohhh shiiite, I figured the only way out was to get the wardrobe flat. So about 10 minutes leaning forward then back and using my one free arm to push against the wall the wardrobe was rocking. Eventually it went, falling forward, me screaming, I never thought about the consequences until it was too late. So now I'm lying face down inside the wardrobe aching like hell. Fortunately the lock came apart in the fall. I was able with the one arm in the wardrobe, to push down to raise the wardrobe a bit, then a bit more, until eventually I could scramble out. I looked at the damage, it was like something out of some mothers do have 'em. I got straight on the phone to my mate who came round. I tried to explain what had happened, but he was to busy laughing his cock off. Anyway he fixed the ceiling with a bit of plasterboard and skim. I cleaned up the mess. I now had three days days till mom got back. So I was there at 6 every morning doing a bit and straight from work doing a bit. All the time I had to wait for the plaster to dry back in the living room. I finally got it finished at 4 in the morning on the last day, about 6 hours before mom got back. She said, "It looks nice Col, any problems?" "No mom it was easy really" Mate that was one of the funniest posts i have ever read. Tip o the cap to you sir! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC_Hitz Posted February 23, 2014 Share Posted February 23, 2014 Will happily show anyone my relatively small cockleberry if they see me at the Villa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted February 24, 2014 VT Supporter Share Posted February 24, 2014 Absolutely superb Colhint. Laughed my arse off at that post! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ROTTERDAM1982 Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 Colhint.......brilliant, there's a sitcom in you somewhere Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyC Posted February 24, 2014 Share Posted February 24, 2014 never had a serious injury or really broke anything major. got into a confrontation with some contractors from Barnsley that were working on the rugeley power station in the local late night bar, one of them bottled me from the side straight on the side of my eye. knocked me out for a few seconds, had to have 3 stiches above my eye and it also broke off a tiny bit of bone from my nose. never been so happy to get knocked out as it dulled the pain and impact. got up after waking up with people worrying and saying ambulance is on way, I said **** that I wanna drink and went straight bar. ended up in the hospital later that night as the pain worsened and my eye swelled up. pubs ay who needs them The Shrew by any chance? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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