Popular Post wazzap24 Posted August 31, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted August 31, 2017 (edited) 32 minutes ago, hogso said: Anybody's partner a twin? Talk about petty fallings out, and I'm always getting dragged in to it. So competitive as well, in regards to everything. Literally. Holidays, cars, home, even bloody pets! Neither of them would admit it, ever, but they're always like it and always will be I'm sure. You can use this to your advantage. So, I was talking to your sisters other half and she's been waking him up with a blow job every day for the past month..... Edited August 31, 2017 by wazzap24 1 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 2 hours ago, mjmooney said: I've mentioned this before, but it's all in Samuel Pepys' Diary (from the 1660s!) He does loads of exasperated rants about his missus - including a version of the one above, where they came back from a night out and she left her gloves in the carriage. She blamed him, because he didn't remind her to pick them up. His reaction of "HOW THE HELL IS THIS MY FAULT???" positively screams off the page. That's an audio book you silly old winklepicker! 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Genie Posted August 31, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted August 31, 2017 In the 15 or so years I've been with my partner there was 1 time that she actually wanted some sexy time and I declined as I had a banging headache and felt quite ill. I never heard the bloody end of it, "you don't think I'm pretty", "you don't find me sexy" again, its turned round like its my fault. The other 6,549 times I'm poking her in the hip with my semi just gets swept under the carpet "piss off it aint happening".... 1 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wazzap24 Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 20 minutes ago, Genie said: In the 15 or so years I've been with my partner there was 1 time that she actually wanted some sexy time and I declined as I had a banging headache and felt quite ill. I never heard the bloody end of it, "you don't think I'm pretty", "you don't find me sexy" again, its turned round like its my fault. The other 6,549 times I'm poking her in the hip with my semi just gets swept under the carpet "piss off it aint happening".... Oh, I hear you on that one. When you try: 'is that all you think about' blah blah blah When you don't try: 'why aren't you trying to shag me, you don't fancy me do you, you're f***ing a girl at work aren't you' Its the reverse of 'if you don't ask, you don't get', the less interested I appear, the more likely I am to get it. Nutcases. All of em. Xbox ON. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 (edited) I've tried the "well if you aren't gonna try, then I ain't".. Now I have to bust a nut when playing ps4 with @Stevo985 @villarule123 & @StefanAVFC whilst playing rocket league. Either that, or I'd end up sitting on my own nutsack as a makeshift pouffe after a couple of days. Edited August 31, 2017 by lapal_fan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 1 hour ago, Genie said: my semi just gets swept under the carpet Fair play, if I was laying face down on the floor I'd struggle to get mine under the carpet, a cruel combination of tiny penis and bloody good carpet grippers would prevent it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wazzap24 Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 3 hours ago, lapal_fan said: I've tried the "well if you aren't gonna try, then I ain't".. Now I have to bust a nut when playing ps4 with @Stevo985 @villarule123 & @StefanAVFC whilst playing rocket league. Either that, or I'd end up sitting on my own nutsack as a makeshift pouffe after a couple of days. If feigning disinterest hasn't worked, there is another way. Third party attraction. It's a dangerous road, that requires a huge amount of skill or luck to navigate, but if you can pull it off, you won't have to pull it off for a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted August 31, 2017 Share Posted August 31, 2017 fancy doing something tonight? sure let's go see a film. Na don't fancy that nothing on dinner? not really hungry drinks? going to be quiet Thursday night what you fancy then? think I fancy a night on the sofa to quote Stevo ffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Xela Posted September 1, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted September 1, 2017 When I was with an ex, we had just spent a lovely afternoon evening together at her house. Dinner, a film and some quality lovemaking. I wasn't stopping over as she was up early for a work trip to London so I went home. Unbeknown to me, a old female friend had posted some pictures of me and her on facebook from when we were kids (i'm talking when we were about 5 or 6 years old!). Anyway, one of them was me with my arm around 2 girls... and a big shit eating grin on my face. She'd put a comment on like "Always a ladies man, even as a young boy!". I get home and my phone goes... it's the missus. "Hello love...".and before I can say anymore I get an earful. "WHO THE **** HELL IS ****" etc. Basically asked if I was shagging her. I was laughing (tip: not the ideal response). I said I hadn't seen her in 20 years and then she hangs up on me. Next morning calls again... all meek and sorrowful and apologises. She said she overreacted and had been up all night crying and worrying about us. She asked if I had a sleepless night as well? I said "Yeah". I hadn't. I'd had a wank and gone out like a light. Hadn't given it a second thought. Women. Mental. After all that she was the one who cheated on me. Snakes with tits. 4 14 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 **** cried at "had a wank" What a hero! 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted September 1, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted September 1, 2017 Wait... what happened to the old 'rocket polish' word substitution? Can we use the 'w' word on VT now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 9 minutes ago, mjmooney said: Wait... what happened to the old 'rocket polish' word substitution? Can we use the 'w' word on VT now? It was always live wasn't it? I found it odd as it was quite a strong word Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted September 1, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted September 1, 2017 (edited) The word for someone who wanks is what gets changed to rocket polisher Edited September 1, 2017 by Stevo985 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a m ole Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 I've always been slightly miffed that the word word removed is changed to word removed but the word words removed is removed and replaced with words removed, when there is only one word in words removed. Shouldn't it be word removed's? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted September 2, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted September 2, 2017 8 hours ago, Stevo985 said: The word for someone who wanks is what gets changed to rocket polisher Oh well, I expect there is some logic behind it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 Being a man is hard. Was just in holland and Barrett and the girl behind the till just starts flirting with me openly she was hot as well. She asked for my email but as I am in a happy relationship I turned her down but was so tempted! we are predators I tell you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted September 2, 2017 VT Supporter Share Posted September 2, 2017 2 minutes ago, Demitri_C said: Being a man is hard. Was just in holland and Barrett 3 for 2 on viagra? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hogso Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 3 minutes ago, mjmooney said: 3 for 2 on viagra? Buy one get one for a penny innit? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post chrisp65 Posted September 2, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted September 2, 2017 23 minutes ago, Demitri_C said: Being a man is hard. Was just in holland and Barrett and the girl behind the till just starts flirting with me openly she was hot as well. She asked for my email but as I am in a happy relationship I turned her down but was so tempted! we are predators I tell you The bloke in Mountain Warehouse asked me for my e-mail address. I presumed it was just the receipt / mailing list trick they try on. Hadn't even considered that he wanted to bugger me. I've still got it! Might go back and get some good dubbing later. 4 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StefanAVFC Posted September 2, 2017 Share Posted September 2, 2017 31 minutes ago, Demitri_C said: She asked for my email Who the hell asks for someone's email 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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