LockStockVilla Posted October 22, 2012 Share Posted October 22, 2012 It really doesn't. Heresy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bickster Posted October 24, 2012 Moderator Share Posted October 24, 2012 This amazon review really did make me chuckle After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat. I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn't have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned . Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the drawer for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect... Clicky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Troglodyte Posted October 24, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted October 24, 2012 That's brilliant, laughed out loud several times! Have had a couple of drinks, mind you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jimzk5 Posted October 26, 2012 Share Posted October 26, 2012 a year since we lost paddy. rest in peace. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted October 27, 2012 Moderator Share Posted October 27, 2012 That review is brilliant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFCforever1991 Posted October 31, 2012 Share Posted October 31, 2012 Knowing that its closer to Friday than Monday Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blunther Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 The ignore list. Haven't been able to read the Villa forum recently due to someone arguing the toss over every little thing and basically talking bollocks page after page. Very happy to find the ignore function! I just wish other people would find it too rather than engaging in pointless irrelevant debate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted November 2, 2012 Moderator Share Posted November 2, 2012 Knowing that its ... Friday Fixeded!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted November 2, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted November 2, 2012 Night out with the football team tonight. Messy... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RunRickyRun Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 The ignore list. Haven't been able to read the Villa forum recently due to someone arguing the toss over every little thing and basically talking bollocks page after page. Very happy to find the ignore function! I just wish other people would find it too rather than engaging in pointless irrelevant debate. I just ignore On Topic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted November 2, 2012 Moderator Share Posted November 2, 2012 Night out with the football team tonight. Messi... Had to. Soz. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFCforever1991 Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 Fixeded!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted November 2, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted November 2, 2012 I knew someone would do that. Lionel won't be there. He's busy. The ignore list. Haven't been able to read the Villa forum recently due to someone arguing the toss over every little thing and basically talking bollocks page after page. Very happy to find the ignore function! I just wish other people would find it too rather than engaging in pointless irrelevant debate. How do you do this? There's one poster in particular who is definitely getting ignored. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seat68 Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 new tattoo booked for tomorrow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFCforever1991 Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 There's one poster in particular who is definitely getting ignored. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted November 2, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted November 2, 2012 Haha, nope, not him. He's incredibly negative (there's always one) but that's his opinion and he's entitled to it. The poster I have in mind is just a wind up merchant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted November 2, 2012 VT Supporter Share Posted November 2, 2012 I just ignore On Topic I do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LockStockVilla Posted November 2, 2012 Share Posted November 2, 2012 Haha, nope, not him. He's incredibly negative (there's always one) but that's his opinion and he's entitled to it. The poster I have in mind is just a wind up merchant. He's bigger than and you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blunther Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 I knew someone would do that. Lionel won't be there. He's busy. How do you do this? There's one poster in particular who is definitely getting ignored. Go to your username at the top, then My Settings, and there's Ignorereferences on the left. Enjoy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villaajax Posted November 3, 2012 Share Posted November 3, 2012 Harry Enfield and Chums complete box set is now available to pre-order! None of that Harry and Paul rubbish included! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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