Popular Post Paddywhack Posted November 9, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted November 9, 2023 I hope this doesn’t come across as a “look how brilliant I am” kind of post, especially as I heard a similar idea elsewhere and I’ve just copied it, but.. Just before leaving the house for school this morning, my 4 year old ran upstairs with his favourite teddy and put him in my bed. When he came downstairs he said the teddy wasn’t feeling well and he asked me to look after him whilst he was at school. I had to go shopping at lunchtime, so I took the teddy with me and took photos of him in the car seat, one choosing some medicine in the shop and one at home with him lying on the sofa watching telly. I showed my son the photos on the walk home from school and told him teddy was feeling better but now he’s been hiding from me and I can’t find him anywhere. Then he spotted teddy poking out my coat pocket. I really love that you do can really small, simple things like that but it’s so magical to them, he was so excited. 17 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rds1983 Posted November 16, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted November 16, 2023 Looking for some advice. My 6 Yr old son doesn't have loads of friends but is best friends with a girl in his class. He was the only kid invited to her birthday. About Christmas last year a new girl moved to the area with her family and joined their class. At the time she tried to worm her way in with his best friend and split them up. She would tell lies or offer bribes (chocolate etc) to get them not to play together so that she could play with the other girl all alone. This died down as the year went on and she ended up becoming friends with both him and his best friend, but not as close as they are. He's come home from school all upset saying he has no friend's. Apparently the new girl's big brother has told him he's not allowed to play with his best friend and the nonsense has started up again. He's too young to understand and is getting upset. I've had enough as nothing has changed and I want to (calmly and politely) flag this to the girl's mum so that it's out in the open. Not in an aggressive or confrontational way or even blaming her. Just saying something is obviously going on and it'd be great to resolve it so that everyone can be friend's. My wife is telling me to stay out, that she'll sort it (she's said that since Christmas) and speaking to the Mum will only escalate things. This is bullying and emotional manipulation. I want this challenged and stopped. What do you guys think? Will speaking to the Mum make it worse? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted November 16, 2023 Share Posted November 16, 2023 19 minutes ago, Rds1983 said: Looking for some advice. My 6 Yr old son doesn't have loads of friends but is best friends with a girl in his class. He was the only kid invited to her birthday. About Christmas last year a new girl moved to the area with her family and joined their class. At the time she tried to worm her way in with his best friend and split them up. She would tell lies or offer bribes (chocolate etc) to get them not to play together so that she could play with the other girl all alone. This died down as the year went on and she ended up becoming friends with both him and his best friend, but not as close as they are. He's come home from school all upset saying he has no friend's. Apparently the new girl's big brother has told him he's not allowed to play with his best friend and the nonsense has started up again. He's too young to understand and is getting upset. I've had enough as nothing has changed and I want to (calmly and politely) flag this to the girl's mum so that it's out in the open. Not in an aggressive or confrontational way or even blaming her. Just saying something is obviously going on and it'd be great to resolve it so that everyone can be friend's. My wife is telling me to stay out, that she'll sort it (she's said that since Christmas) and speaking to the Mum will only escalate things. This is bullying and emotional manipulation. I want this challenged and stopped. What do you guys think? Will speaking to the Mum make it worse? Depends if the mother is a nice reasonable person or a chav. Do you know her at all? If she’s ok I’d have a word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rds1983 Posted November 16, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted November 16, 2023 2 minutes ago, rjw63 said: Depends if the mother is a nice reasonable person or a chav. Do you know her at all? If she’s ok I’d have a word. Seems to be okay and not a chav. But has raised two kid's who are emotionally manipulative so who knows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Albrighton Posted November 16, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted November 16, 2023 41 minutes ago, Rds1983 said: What do you guys think? Will speaking to the Mum make it worse? When’s parents evening? If it was me, I would relay everything to your kid’s teacher, everything you’ve put there. I’d also ask to speak to the teacher of the big brother (I assume he is also at the same school). And I would (politely) assure them that I’d expect to see an improvement in my kid’s happiness when coming home from school imminently and that I’d pursue the matter if there isn’t an improvement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seat68 Posted November 16, 2023 Share Posted November 16, 2023 52 minutes ago, Rds1983 said: Looking for some advice. My 6 Yr old son doesn't have loads of friends but is best friends with a girl in his class. He was the only kid invited to her birthday. About Christmas last year a new girl moved to the area with her family and joined their class. At the time she tried to worm her way in with his best friend and split them up. She would tell lies or offer bribes (chocolate etc) to get them not to play together so that she could play with the other girl all alone. This died down as the year went on and she ended up becoming friends with both him and his best friend, but not as close as they are. He's come home from school all upset saying he has no friend's. Apparently the new girl's big brother has told him he's not allowed to play with his best friend and the nonsense has started up again. He's too young to understand and is getting upset. I've had enough as nothing has changed and I want to (calmly and politely) flag this to the girl's mum so that it's out in the open. Not in an aggressive or confrontational way or even blaming her. Just saying something is obviously going on and it'd be great to resolve it so that everyone can be friend's. My wife is telling me to stay out, that she'll sort it (she's said that since Christmas) and speaking to the Mum will only escalate things. This is bullying and emotional manipulation. I want this challenged and stopped. What do you guys think? Will speaking to the Mum make it worse? What about talking to your sons friend's mum, explain it and hopefully she will speak to the best friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rds1983 Posted November 16, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted November 16, 2023 52 minutes ago, Seat68 said: What about talking to your sons friend's mum, explain it and hopefully she will speak to the best friend. The best friend and her mum are fantastic. No complaints there. They've sent voice recordings over WhatsApp saying he's her best friend. The best friends mum is far from a fan of the other girl involved and doesn't let her go to her house. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rds1983 Posted November 16, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted November 16, 2023 58 minutes ago, Mark Albrighton said: When’s parents evening? If it was me, I would relay everything to your kid’s teacher, everything you’ve put there. I’d also ask to speak to the teacher of the big brother (I assume he is also at the same school). And I would (politely) assure them that I’d expect to see an improvement in my kid’s happiness when coming home from school imminently and that I’d pursue the matter if there isn’t an improvement. Teachers were engaged previously and that's why it got better. Obviously wasn't a long term solution though. Shame as it's a great school apart from this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davkaus Posted November 16, 2023 Share Posted November 16, 2023 Give the big brother a slap, tell him you've shagged him mum, and report back for further instructions. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Albrighton Posted November 16, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted November 16, 2023 7 minutes ago, Rds1983 said: Teachers were engaged previously and that's why it got better. Obviously wasn't a long term solution though. Shame as it's a great school apart from this. I’d re-engage them following the brother’s involvement as obviously that’s a new dynamic. I would basically make it absolutely clear to them that they would be hearing from me constantly until the situation improves so it’s in their best interests to help rectify the situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rds1983 Posted November 16, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted November 16, 2023 19 minutes ago, Davkaus said: Give the big brother a slap, tell him you've shagged him mum, and report back for further instructions. Wouldn't work. He'd know I was lying. His Mum is butt ugly and looks like a bird. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Wainy316 Posted November 17, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted November 17, 2023 16 hours ago, rjw63 said: Depends if the mother is a nice reasonable person or a chav. Ooh he's probing... 16 hours ago, rjw63 said: Do you know her at all? here we go.... 16 hours ago, rjw63 said: If she’s ok I’d have a word. Hahahah, Do her up.......wait, what? 15 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foreveryoung Posted November 17, 2023 Share Posted November 17, 2023 Sometimes it's just best to explain the situation with your son, rather than get involved in any drama. Kids lose friends and gain new ones growing up, it happens all the time. My lad lost his girlfriend/neighbour ( he's 8 ) to his best mate, he was a little upset, but I just told him, your young mate, plenty of time for girls and friends, he kinda understood. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobzy Posted November 17, 2023 Share Posted November 17, 2023 32 minutes ago, foreveryoung said: Sometimes it's just best to explain the situation with your son, rather than get involved in any drama. Kids lose friends and gain new ones growing up, it happens all the time. My lad lost his girlfriend/neighbour ( he's 8 ) to his best mate, he was a little upset, but I just told him, your young mate, plenty of time for girls and friends, he kinda understood. I think this route is probably the best. Your son is very young at 6 - kids at that age don’t really understand wider impacts of bullying etc; they’re just developing their first real relationships and navigating how they play out, both in and out of school. It must be tough seeing him upset, but talking him through it will help. You say he doesn’t have many friends; does he have others who he still plays with? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rds1983 Posted November 17, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted November 17, 2023 2 hours ago, bobzy said: I think this route is probably the best. Your son is very young at 6 - kids at that age don’t really understand wider impacts of bullying etc; they’re just developing their first real relationships and navigating how they play out, both in and out of school. It must be tough seeing him upset, but talking him through it will help. You say he doesn’t have many friends; does he have others who he still plays with? We've talked him through it a few times now and all is then fine for a while. But it's clearly an open wound/sensitive subject for him as just one comment set him right off again. I'd rather stop it from happening again then endlessly deal with it. He has quite a few kids he plays with but for whatever reason (call it kid logic) he says there not his friends (even if he plays with them every day). If I could get him not to play with this one girl and just avoid her that'd be great, problem solved. But unfortunately she's worked her way in to their group (none of the parents are keen on her) and there's not much you can do about it at school if the kid's choose to play with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rds1983 Posted November 17, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted November 17, 2023 3 hours ago, foreveryoung said: Sometimes it's just best to explain the situation with your son, rather than get involved in any drama. Kids lose friends and gain new ones growing up, it happens all the time. My lad lost his girlfriend/neighbour ( he's 8 ) to his best mate, he was a little upset, but I just told him, your young mate, plenty of time for girls and friends, he kinda understood. This is the thing though. He hasn't lost his best mate. They're still really close. This is him dealing with a bully who is emotionally manipulating him and telling him he's not allowed to play with his best mate because she wants her to herself. That's not on and is very difficult for a 6 year old to understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAVFC Posted November 19, 2023 Share Posted November 19, 2023 On 16/11/2023 at 15:49, Rds1983 said: Looking for some advice. My 6 Yr old son doesn't have loads of friends but is best friends with a girl in his class. He was the only kid invited to her birthday. About Christmas last year a new girl moved to the area with her family and joined their class. At the time she tried to worm her way in with his best friend and split them up. She would tell lies or offer bribes (chocolate etc) to get them not to play together so that she could play with the other girl all alone. This died down as the year went on and she ended up becoming friends with both him and his best friend, but not as close as they are. He's come home from school all upset saying he has no friend's. Apparently the new girl's big brother has told him he's not allowed to play with his best friend and the nonsense has started up again. He's too young to understand and is getting upset. I've had enough as nothing has changed and I want to (calmly and politely) flag this to the girl's mum so that it's out in the open. Not in an aggressive or confrontational way or even blaming her. Just saying something is obviously going on and it'd be great to resolve it so that everyone can be friend's. My wife is telling me to stay out, that she'll sort it (she's said that since Christmas) and speaking to the Mum will only escalate things. This is bullying and emotional manipulation. I want this challenged and stopped. What do you guys think? Will speaking to the Mum make it worse? Not advice as such but can share my experience of a couple of things that happened with regards to my 6 year old. Firstly there is one girl in her class who has a mum that has no control or particular care of what she does (she is very different when it's her dad with her) Anyway she is friends with my daughter but can be quite controlling. She can be mean and when my daughter goes to play with someone else she then tries to stop whoever she goes to, from playing with my daughter and she's come home and said she didn't have anyone to play with. We have had chats with our daughter about what she should do and checked with her teacher to see what her friendship groups were like. They didn't have a particular concern. We did try to get a daughter to keep away from her all the time but it was impossible as they did gravitate to each other. It does seem to have settled down this year and my daughter now has a bit of a different friendship group. So it's naturally worked out well. On the subject of speaking to a parent. This was a different parent from another class. My wife over heard her calling my daughter a bully at a party. Which really upset her. When my wife came home in tears I went to towards where they lived in the hope of seeing her and asking why? Ultimately that ended bad as she is a fruit loop. Afterwards I apologised if my presence intimated her, however I did not shout, insult her or aggressive in way (which is the complete opposite of her) Neither me or the wife like confrontation (especially her) and neither the best socially however I will stand up for what is right and wrong. As I said I apologised if she felt intimidated. I don't think there was ever a good time of place but felt i needed to say something. There is also zero chance of my daughter being a bully even with any bias. I'm sure she's not perfect and has an 11 year old sister to learn to hold her own with but bullying is not in her nature at all. So advice wise, I'm not sure? Probably would be good to speak to the school first to get their opinion first of all. The concern is probably that the child's big brother has got involved which possibly means that there has been some conversation at their home, whether that involves the parents or not? And what that girl has said in regards to that. In terms of speaking to another parent. Some will listen to what others have to say. Some will absolutely not! What ever you have to say. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted January 2 VT Supporter Share Posted January 2 On 16/10/2023 at 10:35, Stevo985 said: We've had our first dose of sleep regression over the past week and it's a pain in the arse. Jack woke up one night screaming, don't know if it was a nightmare or what, but now he just categorically will not go to sleep in his cot. He screams like I've never heard him scream before, sweating, banging his fists and head on the crib. We've managed to get through by setting a bed up on the floor for him (for some reason he loved that!) or by having him in one of our beds, but that's not sustainable. And at the moment he just will not settle unless one of us is with him. Again not sustainable. So we're probably going to have to have a night where we just let him cry it out. Which will be horrible, but I'm not sure how else we can tackle it. It's taken 3 full months but I THINK we're nearing the end of this regression. For a whole week now he has slept until at least 6am. Since this original post he'd been waking regularly in the night and getting up for the day around 4am. It's been absolutely brutal. We still have to sit next to him while he goes to sleep but we've gone from full on screaming tantrums when we put him down to complete acceptance that it's bed time. He still gets upset if we leaves but if we stay he just goes to sleep fairly quickly. And for his naps in the day we can now put him down and leave the room and he'll fall asleep on his own. We just have to translate that to the night time now and we should be good. It's going to be genuinely life changing to be able to put him down and know he'll fall asleep on his own and stay there until 6am at least again! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobzy Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 2 hours ago, Stevo985 said: It's taken 3 full months but I THINK we're nearing the end of this regression. For a whole week now he has slept until at least 6am. Since this original post he'd been waking regularly in the night and getting up for the day around 4am. It's been absolutely brutal. We still have to sit next to him while he goes to sleep but we've gone from full on screaming tantrums when we put him down to complete acceptance that it's bed time. He still gets upset if we leaves but if we stay he just goes to sleep fairly quickly. And for his naps in the day we can now put him down and leave the room and he'll fall asleep on his own. We just have to translate that to the night time now and we should be good. It's going to be genuinely life changing to be able to put him down and know he'll fall asleep on his own and stay there until 6am at least again! This particular regression, maybe. Never, ever fool yourself into thinking it's "done". It might be the case, of course, but you're only asking for trouble Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted January 2 VT Supporter Share Posted January 2 1 hour ago, bobzy said: This particular regression, maybe. Never, ever fool yourself into thinking it's "done". It might be the case, of course, but you're only asking for trouble Haha yep that's exactly why I said THIS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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