Parenting Corner: The joys and trials of raising little Villans

[Marka Ragnos]

I wasn't able to find a thread on parenting issues, so ...

I've got a teenager. I was an older parent to begin with, so it's been easier in some ways and harder in others. It's been such an unpredictable experience so far, but day at a time, nothing too difficult to cope with and a lot of happy times.

My kid isn't a Villa supporter (yet), sadly, but he does seem to appreciate the emotional up and downs of my following Villa as he watches my misery evolve.

One of the things I wonder about a lot is that things seem a lot harsher for kids today than what I remember. Maybe I'm misremembering it all, but society just seems more judgmental in ways, particularly with things like attitudes towards petty crimes such as minor vandalism and also the sheer power of street drugs. It just feels like a scarier world than I remember? 

[choffer]

"I see no hope for the future... for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words...When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly disrespectful and impatient."

Hesiod. 8th Century BC.

 

 

 

[Stevo985]

15 hours ago, choffer said:

"I see no hope for the future... for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words...When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly disrespectful and impatient."

Hesiod. 8th Century BC.

 

 

 

I always quote this to people who say stuff like this. Things change. The younger generation are always different, but they're not better or worse than you were. People were saying the same thing about you when you were younger

Every generation has the good, bad and the ugly of society.

The cream will always rise to the top

[mjmooney]

7 hours ago, Stevo985 said:

The cream will always rise to the top

 

[Marka Ragnos]

Here's an easy one: How do you draw a line between asking invasive but seemingly important questions of a teenager and trying to respect their privacy? Would love to hear any responses, preferably with more references to ancient Greek poets.

Edited July 22, 2022 by Marka Ragnos

[Mozzavfc]

5 hours ago, Marka Ragnos said:

Here's an easy one: How do you draw a line between asking invasive but seemingly important questions of a teenager and trying to respect their privacy? Would love to hear any responses, preferably with more references to ancient Greek poets.

Easy. 'My house, my rules' Plato 400BC

[Tegis]

9 hours ago, Marka Ragnos said:

Here's an easy one: How do you draw a line between asking invasive but seemingly important questions of a teenager and trying to respect their privacy? Would love to hear any responses, preferably with more references to ancient Greek poets.

During an upbringing I think it's pretty important for a parent to put your foot through that privacy-barrier assuming you are upfront about it. This is one of the few times you can change problematic trajectories. Just be ready to take a step back of you judged the situation wrong.

[Marka Ragnos]

5 hours ago, Tegis said:

During an upbringing I think it's pretty important for a parent to put your foot through that privacy-barrier assuming you are upfront about it. This is one of the few times you can change problematic trajectories. Just be ready to take a step back of you judged the situation wrong.

Love that. I think with the online stuff, I do often get it wrong, and I still want to give him his “space,” but there are some real threats out there, too. 

[Stevo985]

Started sleep training my 7 month old this week.
Using the Ferber method, where basically you leave them on their own in their cot for a minute, then go back in and comfort them if they're crying. Then 3 minutes. Then 5 minutes. Then 10 minutes. And then repeat until they fall asleep.

Monday was hard. An hour of him going mental and screaming before he eventually fell asleep, but he did it while I was comforting him which isn't really how it's meant to work.

Then last night I was dreading it, but he only went and fell asleep during the 3 minute interval and then didn't wake up until 6:30 this morning. He's only slept through the night once before about 4 months ago. Couldn't believe it. Praying it isn't a one off!

[DCJonah]

24 minutes ago, Stevo985 said:

Started sleep training my 7 month old this week.
Using the Ferber method, where basically you leave them on their own in their cot for a minute, then go back in and comfort them if they're crying. Then 3 minutes. Then 5 minutes. Then 10 minutes. And then repeat until they fall asleep.

Monday was hard. An hour of him going mental and screaming before he eventually fell asleep, but he did it while I was comforting him which isn't really how it's meant to work.

Then last night I was dreading it, but he only went and fell asleep during the 3 minute interval and then didn't wake up until 6:30 this morning. He's only slept through the night once before about 4 months ago. Couldn't believe it. Praying it isn't a one off!

When they consistently sleep through the night it's a real game changer. 

[Genie]

25 minutes ago, Stevo985 said:

Started sleep training my 7 month old this week.
Using the Ferber method, where basically you leave them on their own in their cot for a minute, then go back in and comfort them if they're crying. Then 3 minutes. Then 5 minutes. Then 10 minutes. And then repeat until they fall asleep.

Monday was hard. An hour of him going mental and screaming before he eventually fell asleep, but he did it while I was comforting him which isn't really how it's meant to work.

Then last night I was dreading it, but he only went and fell asleep during the 3 minute interval and then didn't wake up until 6:30 this morning. He's only slept through the night once before about 4 months ago. Couldn't believe it. Praying it isn't a one off!

This reminded me a bit of a few years ago, you have these wins and feel really good about how your parenting is going… then there’s always a friend of the OH who says their child sleeps 12 hours a night and has done since they were a week old. They are also out of nappies and reading at a 10 year old level.

[Stevo985]

29 minutes ago, DCJonah said:

When they consistently sleep through the night it's a real game changer. 

It will change my life haha

He's not too bad before this week, he'll usually sleep until between 3 and 5 but then he'll be up and want feeding.

But yeah straight through last night. I was stunned  

[Stevo985]

28 minutes ago, Genie said:

This reminded me a bit of a few years ago, you have these wins and feel really good about how your parenting is going… then there’s always a friend of the OH who says their child sleeps 12 hours a night and has done since they were a week old. They are also out of nappies and reading at a 10 year old level.

Yeah Jack's mom's friend is like that. Had her baby a week after Jack arrived and is constantly showing off. The funny thing is she's behind Jack in pretty much everything, but if Jack does something she ignores it, and then when her baby does it she doesn't shut up about it .

Luckily me and Jack's mom don't really give a shit about comparing to other kids so we just find it funny. 

[Stevo985]

Obviously her baby has been sleeping through the night since she was about 2 months old

[lapal_fan]

I've been lucky with sleep with my two, not too bad - but I know it's awful for families whose sleep is constantly interrupted and it takes an age to settle them before sleep.  We found schedule was really helpful, doing the same thing an hour or so before sleep time, and making sure circadian rhythm  was done early doors.  Not helpful for everyone, but it was to us.

My 3 year doesn't say words well at all, we've had him assessed and he's essentially talking as a 2 year old would, but he's 3 1/4 - we've had some good help, and we're seeing an improvement, but it's very hard not to compare when similarly aged children are speaking in sentences, but mine is always seemingly embarrassed to speak at nursery.  

My 7 year old has got to the point where he constantly wants your attention if my 3 year old is around and they fight each other quite a lot.  My 7 year old goes moody and tries to distance himself, but then still requires that bit of love still.  

It's a funny age of the "push/pull" of mom & dad still being there, relying on you, but not wanting to rely on you, unless it suits him.. They want all the responsibility and non at all   It's as confusing for me and I'm sure it is for him!

[desensitized43]

1 hour ago, Stevo985 said:

It will change my life haha

He's not too bad before this week, he'll usually sleep until between 3 and 5 but then he'll be up and want feeding.

But yeah straight through last night. I was stunned  

It's inconsistent as well. My 2 year old is going through a phase of crying for mommy or daddy in the night having been sleeping the night through pretty much for the last 10 months or so. It hits harder when you think you're over it and it starts again.

[Stevo985]

1 minute ago, desensitized43 said:

It's inconsistent as well. My 2 year old is going through a phase of crying for mommy or daddy in the night having been sleeping the night through pretty much for the last 10 months or so. It hits harder when you think you're over it and it starts again.

Yeah fully expecting a regression. he slept through the night once about 4 months ago when he was still swaddled and i thought I'd cracked it and it never happened again. So I'm not getting complacent yet  

[Stevo985]

28 minutes ago, lapal_fan said:

I've been lucky with sleep with my two, not too bad - but I know it's awful for families whose sleep is constantly interrupted and it takes an age to settle them before sleep.  We found schedule was really helpful, doing the same thing an hour or so before sleep time, and making sure circadian rhythm  was done early doors.  Not helpful for everyone, but it was to us.

This definitely helps. We do the whole curtains get closed, lights dimmed, read a story etc etc so he has plenty of cues that it's now bed time.

We've been quite unlucky with sleep up until now so hoping the sleep training improves things.

[Davkaus]

Some babies sleep, do they? 

[Genie]

When you hear other parents talk about how they were up watching Peppa Pig at 3am with the little ‘un. 

If you’re going to stick cartoons on they are going go wake up mate.