Parenting Corner: The joys and trials of raising little Villans

[Seat68]

This is a tough one, it has been dealt with, calmly, and explained why it is so **** bad.

I am at the school picking up my grandson, 6 years old, and we head to the gates and he sees his friend, his friend says alright paki.

.......

I am hard of hearing so I wait

Grandson says, alright paki,

......

These boys are both white.

I say do not say that again and I will explain why in a second. I didnt want him to be blurting that out again in a multicultural school. The mother of the other boy admonishes him for being noisy, not the word.

I get to the car, I said can you repeat that word for me please. He repeats it. I explain how bad a word it is, he tells me that his friend and his friends mum use it, I ask him if he has said it before, he said just today. Again I explain it clearly how bad it is and how upsetting it is. I also tell him, thats his one chance and if he ever says it again, thats not a mistake and everything he accesses youtube on will be taken off him.

He understood, but insists that his friend told him it isnt swearing, which it isnt, but he is struggling to work it out that being offensive isnt always swearing.

Edited February 8, 2023 by Seat68

[StefanAVFC]

19 minutes ago, Seat68 said:

he tells me that his friend and his mum use it,

**** hell, the world has no chance

[Seat68]

1 minute ago, StefanAVFC said:

**** hell, the world has no chance

By his mum, I mean his friends mum, I need to make that clear, we do not use that word in this house. 

[bobzy]

49 minutes ago, Stevo985 said:

Here’s one for you. 
 

I was raised as a catholic, but as an atheist now I had no intention to get jack christened or baptised etc. 

However, the house we’re looking at is round the corner, literally, from a primary school that is rated as one of the top 10 state primary schools in the country (based on performance). 
 

But it’s a catholic school. 
 

You don’t have to be catholic to go there, but they give catholics priority. 
 

So should I get Jack christened just to get him into a good school?

 

Tough one really - we've had similar in our family.  Missus' mum is a Catholic, rest of the family aren't, although Id say they're more agnostic than atheist.  Missus' mum wanted us to get our kids baptised; I said no.  We had a discussion over it but basically all was well and good (her view was essentially that it's important to her and would have no impact on their upbringing, I was of the view that whilst I'm an atheist I also respect people who are religious and wouldn't want to be taking the piss by participating in something I fundamentally disagree with - the children aren't baptised).

That's a brief bit of background.  PERSONALLY... I don't think I'd go down the Catholic school route, sort of for the reasons stated before.  I'm "against" Catholicism so wouldn't want to pretend to be that purely for the sake of a school place.  Further, they'd be feeding my child a lot of religious guff that I wouldn't want them to be doing.

The sister in law, though, has had her children baptised looking ahead to senior school.  Basically in the area it's either a very good Catholic senior school or a really shit state one (obviously and hopefully they improve) so they've gone early with the Catholic indoctrination to be secure with a decent school down the line.

 

At the end of the day, your child's education is the thing that matters most and it's a personal choice as to where that is.  What I would say is that there's basically no difference between an 'outstanding' school and a 'good' school (sometimes even requires improvement) so if the other school is absolutely fine then just send little Jack there and know that you've done the "right" thing  

[StefanAVFC]

15 minutes ago, Seat68 said:

By his mum, I mean his friends mum, I need to make that clear, we do not use that word in this house. 

No worries, knew what you meant

[mjmooney]

6 hours ago, Stevo985 said:

So should I get Jack christened just to get him into a good school?

My Mom was (non-attending) C of E, my Dad was (non-attending) Catholic. They got married (against her parents' wishes) in a Catholic church, and had me baptised as a Catholic. At one or other (possibly both) of those ceremonies they had to swear to bring me up in the Catholic faith (my Mom obviously had her fingers crossed). 

I get to three years old, and the local priest comes round and says "Sure, you'll be putting his name down for Our Lady Saint Philomena of the Bleeding Heart and Weeping Sores Primary?" (Or whatever the local paedophile establishment was called). My Dad hides behind his newspaper while my Mom gives Father Jack an earful of "Will we hell as like, too much bloody religion in those places, he's going to the local state school, get yer coat" and shows him the door, while he splutters at my Dad "I'll have yez excommunicated, so I will!" * 

However, when our first daughter was born, she asked when we were going to have her christened. I told her weren't, and she looked rather disapproving. Then she brightened up a little and said "Well I suppose it doesn't really matter, as long as you teach her to say her prayers". I let the silence hang, and went to put the kettle on. 

* EDIT: Before somebody says "How could you remember all that, when you were only three?" - I couldn't. It was an oft-told family anecdote. 

Edited February 8, 2023 by mjmooney

[Stevo985]

2 hours ago, AVFC_Hitz said:

On a more serious note. Are you allowed to observe in the classroom? (maybe it's a Montessori thing, but prospective parents are envouraged to observe in classes). Have a look at the other things outside of weekly mass and hymns. Social/emotional support and how lessons are structured. Are the kids doing lots of manual work? I don't mean down the mines but art, music and making their lessons come to life through demonstrations and experiments. Scope out the teachers, as well. Are they smiling and inspiring the kids. What makes it one of the top 10 schools? 

 

It's top 10 in terms of performance (based on Key STage 2 results). It's outstanding in Ofsted as well so I'd assume the things you mentioned are all good too

[Stevo985]

Just to be clear I'm not actually going to raise him as a catholic, it'll literally just be to get him into school.

Obviously that would come with a certain amount of religion, which I'd let them get on with. But I wouldn't encourage it myself

 

[Genie]

I personally wouldn’t be encouraging any extra religion on a child. What are the alternative schools @Stevo985? Is there an OFSTED “Good” rated option?

My children are both in “Good” schools and I’m delighted with them both. They are well run and both children getting excellent grades and no behaviour problems.

 

[Seat68]

My grandson is in an ofsted rated good school, and we all know how that is going.

[Genie]

When I hear about people spending a fortune sending their kids to top schools I think about Prince Harry getting caught doing cocaine and weed at Eton.

Obviously avoid the really shit schools like the plague but I think Good or above and it’s down to the individual. You’re gonna get little shits in every school regardless of rating.

[El Zen]

The whole choosing a school thing is completely alien to me. You go to your nearest state school.

[Seat68]

1 minute ago, El Zen said:

The whole choosing a school thing is completely alien to me. You go to your nearest state school.

Are all state schools comparable? They aren't here, it could be the pupils, it could be the administration, funding, lots to look at. 

[AVFC_Hitz]

3 hours ago, Seat68 said:

By his mum, I mean his friends mum, I need to make that clear, we do not use that word in this house. 

Nah, Stefan now thinks your daughter is a mahoosive racist.

[Seat68]

Just now, AVFC_Hitz said:

Nah, Stefan now thinks your daughter is a mahoosive racist.

Looking at her gentlemen callers from the past 18 months, she is collecting nations like panini stickers.

[lapal_fan]

Take your kid to the school which suits them best. 

I live a 30 second walk away from a CoE school, the intake is small (30 per year), but it's a religious school, so we said no.

We wanted him to go to my old school, which has a medium intake of 45 per year (so bright kids "leap" a year and do two years in years 2/4/6), but he wasn't accepted.

The school he goes to has a large intake, 90 per year, so three sets of classes per year.  He's ok going there.  On paper its the "best" school, but he's quite shy, so we think the large classes probably hinder him a little, but he's absolutely fine.  

[mjmooney]

8 minutes ago, El Zen said:

The whole choosing a school thing is completely alien to me. You go to your nearest state school.

Absolutely as it should be. And, in theory, how it is here, too - but people will move house just to get into the catchment area for a school with a high rating from Ofsted (the government inspection body). Or even set up a fake address to try and cheat the system. And there are other loopholes - private fee-paying schools (which often have free scholarship places for bright kids who can take an entrance exam) and faith schools administered by various religions. It's a shit system. 

[El Zen]

32 minutes ago, Seat68 said:

Are all state schools comparable? They aren't here, it could be the pupils, it could be the administration, funding, lots to look at. 

No, there are geographic variations. Schools are owned and operated by the local council authority, and school funding will vary from council to council (usually depending on the financial state of each council, and councils are as a general rule underfunded compared to how rich the Norwegian state is.) However, schools within the same council authority will usually be fairly even in terms of quality. 

I guess the main difference is we have very, very few private schools and religious schools, and only a small number of alternative schools, particularly at primary level, so the norm is you go to your nearest state school. 

AND: We don’t have a ranking system for schools. 

Edited February 8, 2023 by El Zen

[Rds1983]

2 hours ago, Stevo985 said:

It's top 10 in terms of performance (based on Key STage 2 results). It's outstanding in Ofsted as well so I'd assume the things you mentioned are all good too

Do you know when their Ofsted was last done? Some schools ratings are from several years ago due to the pandemic and a lot can change in that time. Before you do anything I'd suggest going to an open day and also trying to speak to some parents of kids that go there to see what the school is actually like.

[phily85]

3 hours ago, Genie said:

When I hear about people spending a fortune sending their kids to top schools I think about Prince Harry getting caught doing cocaine and weed at Eton.

Obviously avoid the really shit schools like the plague but I think Good or above and it’s down to the individual. You’re gonna get little shits in every school regardless of rating.

The weed and cocaine are just entry level. It's when the pigs head gets brought in you need to get worried