WAHEY! It's a JOKE thread : Enter at your own risk.

[Nigel]

My 18-year-old son won £21 million pounds on the lottery last week, I tried to ring him to congratulate him but he didn't want anything to do with me.

 

 

His foster parents must have raised him to be a right prick.

[Rich192]

I struggle with Roman Numerals until I get to 159.

Then it just CLIX.

[TreeVillan]

13 hours ago, Rich192 said:

I struggle with Roman Numerals until I get to 159.

Then it just CLIX.

I'm just gonna assume that's correct but fantastic!

[mjmooney]

I got sick at this small hotel in Madrid. I called to the front desk and they told me they had a doctor on staff. After he made me feel better, I told him I was amazed that such a small place had a doctor. He nodded and said NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INN PHYSICIAN!!!! 

[mjmooney]

Liven up your cat’s day by filling its litter tray with Rice Krispies. 

[Mandy Lifeboats]

Sunak wants all 16 year olds to study maths until they are 18. 

What difference is 3 years going to make?

 

[Robtaylor200]

Women write to agony page

My new boyfriend has messed up my kitchen and marked the laminate top making himself a sandwich, didn't even wash up. Should I dump him ?

Answer 

Should he really be having to make himself a sandwich ?

[mjmooney]

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story was published in the New York Times:

"American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 100 years earlier than the British".

One week later, the Irish Department of Agriculture reported the following:

"After digging as deep as 30 feet in Ireland Pat Kelly, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely feck all. Pat has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Ireland had already gone wireless!!"

[Designer1]

1 hour ago, mjmooney said:

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story was published in the New York Times:

"American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 100 years earlier than the British".

One week later, the Irish Department of Agriculture reported the following:

"After digging as deep as 30 feet in Ireland Pat Kelly, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely feck all. Pat has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Ireland had already gone wireless!!"

Reminds me of the one about the rumour that copper wire was invented in Scotland by two men fighting over a penny.

[TreeVillan]

2 hours ago, Designer1 said:

Reminds me of the one about the rumour that copper wire was invented in Scotland by two men fighting over a penny.

Nae rumour.

[BOF]

17 hours ago, mjmooney said:

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Brits, in the weeks that followed, an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story was published in the New York Times:

"American archaeologists, finding traces of 250-year-old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network 100 years earlier than the British".

One week later, the Irish Department of Agriculture reported the following:

"After digging as deep as 30 feet in Ireland Pat Kelly, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely feck all. Pat has therefore concluded that 250 years ago, Ireland had already gone wireless!!"

Flanagans Internet Cafe

Quote

Reeling In The Years – 1934: Flanagans Internet Cafe

Because of his crackpot business ideas, Thomas Flanagan was regarded as ‘a mad-man ahead of his time’.

His ‘Internet Cafe’ venture was not only unheard of, it made absolutely no sense to the people of Waterford.

 

Thomas spent hours trying to explain to people that one day a global system of interconnected computer networks will use a standard Internet Protocol Suite (TCP/IP) and will serve billions of users worldwide.

He struggled to describe it as a network of networks that will consist of millions of private, public, academic, business, and government networks, of local to global scope, that would one day be linked by a broad array of electronic, wireless and optical networking technologies.

After four long weeks of ‘cold calling’ potential clients and pitching ‘bizarre photocopying tariffs’ to local business men, Mr. Flanagan was finally arrested for harassment and sent to the local mental institution for an evaluation.

Little did he know at the time that he was the first Internet cafe owner in the whole world, but also the first frontal lobotomy patient to be ever treated in Europe.

 

[Robtaylor200]

I read that Steve Gerrard is bookies favourite to be manager of Poland. I thought fair play, he could be good. Then I read it again and realised it said Poland not Poundland 

[Robtaylor200]

Just now, Robtaylor200 said:

I read that Steve Gerrard is bookies favourite to be manager of Poland. I thought fair play, he could be good. Then I read it again and realised it said Poland not Poundland 

Reminded me of an old one 

My mate called me and said he was in Asda and had seen my name on a loaf of bread, then realised it said Thick Cut 

[fruitvilla]

On 11/01/2023 at 03:07, BOF said:

Flanagans Internet Cafe

 

@mjmooneyand @BOF just loved the juxtaposition of those two jokes.

[Robtaylor200]

A couple of cows were smoking weed and playing poker

the steaks were high

[El Zen]

8 hours ago, Robtaylor200 said:

A couple of cows were smoking weed and playing poker

the steaks were high

Did they put any milk in the pot? 

Edited January 20, 2023 by El Zen

[OutByEaster?]

Let's hear it for protein powder!

Whey!

[PussEKatt]

Eating grass is new,you usually smoke it ?!

[Robtaylor200]

I went into a  electrical shop and said "can I have a battery please so that I can tell the  time"

The guy said "Is it for a clock"

I said "I don't know mate that's why I need the battery "

 

Edited January 26, 2023 by Robtaylor200

[Robtaylor200]

I said to the baker
How come all your cakes are 50p but that ones a pound 
He said that's Madeira cake