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About mattboyslim

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  1. I went to a nice Cuban restaurant last night. I say restaurant, it was more of a Castro pub.
  2. The DJ said “Shake what your mama gave ya!” So I did, but the lid came off the Tupperware and now I’m covered in shepherd’s pie.
  3. I went to see Dr. Hook once. Worst prostate exam I ever had.
  4. Judas: still on for Friday? Jesus: Friday? Judas: yeah, the last supper Jesus: the what? Judas: supper. Normal supper with the fellas
  5. Diary Of Anne Frank. Monday 10th - Hid. Tuesday 11th - Hid. Wednesday 12th - Hid. Thursday 13th - Drum Practice. Friday 14th - Saturday 15th - Sunday 16th -
  6. Breaking News: A lorry containing session musicians and their instruments has overturned. Police say to expect lengthy jams.
  7. Bilbo was surprised to wake one morning and find a Tesco had been built next to his house. It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area.
  8. Chinese takeaway £10.90. Petrol to get there and back £2.00. Realising that you got all the way home without one of the containers. Riceless.
  9. 'Hello Microsoft support, what's the nature of the problem?' 'Eggshell' 'Eggshell??' 'Yesh' 'Oh hello again Mr Connery. Spreadsheet issues?'
  10. Why don't they just hurry up and cure dyslexia? It's not exactly Brian Sugary.
  11. I saw a man today whose face was covered in black dust, he was wearing a bright yellow hard hat, royal blue overalls size xl, carrying a pickaxe with a hickory shaft and he had a small scar on his left hand... ...but those are just miner details.
  12. Does Sean Connery like herbs? Yes, but only partially.
  13. I bought some shoes off my local drug dealer earlier. **** knows what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.
  14. He's not Russian He is Russian. He's from Uzbekistan
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