Things that piss you off that shouldn't

[TheAuthority]

Veet For Men

Quote

After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits.
Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat.
I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was.
I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn' have long to wait.
At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head.
Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg.
Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief.
I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, toe the lid off and positioned it under me.
The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn'nt managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.
I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and an tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse.
This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me.
This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain.
The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering arhhh ooooohhh that feels good ahhh Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn'nt heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction.
I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasent the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect.

And another:

Quote

This product works a treat, and I’ve used it everywhere they tell you not too! But I’ve learned the hard way that the hairs on your arse are an integral part of a silent fart...

 

[rjw63]

Fly tipping where we live.

Just reported it to the council online...the TENTH time this year I've had to do so.

These vermin who do it are a **** waste of oxygen, the worst thing is the crap left this time is all kiddie stuff so the words removed are actually breeding.

I **** hate people.

[Follyfoot]

7 minutes ago, rjw63 said:

Fly tipping where we live.

Just reported it to the council online...the TENTH time this year I've had to do so.

These vermin who do it are a **** waste of oxygen, the worst thing is the crap left this time is all kiddie stuff so the words removed are actually breeding.

I **** hate people.

Fair comment, stuff like that is best dumped in a river or canal

[bickster]

I just dumped some of my kids old clothes in the Chelmsley Hood. Some hairy yeti came wardling after me ranting and raving...

F*** knows what his problem was, It was part of my voluntary gentrification of the area.

Can't please some people

[rjw63]

[Genie]

These people are probably charging people to take away their rubbish and then dumping it.

[Davkaus]

Remember when Amazon was good, and wasn't full of shit, counterfeit products from China? It's time for legislation to crush that monopoly, IMO. 

[Genie]

1 minute ago, Davkaus said:

Remember when Amazon was good, and wasn't full of shit, counterfeit products from China? It's time for legislation to crush that monopoly, IMO. 

I love Amazon, I’ve needed a few things recently and got them same day delivery for no extra cost. I just wish they pay some bloody tax.

[Davkaus]

5 minutes ago, Genie said:

I love Amazon, I’ve needed a few things recently and got them same day delivery for no extra cost. I just wish they pay some bloody tax.

I think it depends what you use them for.

Prime TV/Music is fine and hassle free. Books, whether digital or physical tend to be fine, and the cheapest way to buy books. Electronics like headphones, SD cards, or memory sticks are where you'll find cheap, fraudulent, Chinese tat that Amazon doesn't want to know about. It's barely more reputable than Ebay.

The electronics category is basically Alibaba Prime at this point.

Don't believe me? Try and buy a webcam on Amazon.co.uk right now. 

Edited September 6, 2020 by Davkaus

[Genie]

I’ve returned a couple of items and they have extremely helpful.

Ive not personally suffered with any fake goods (as far as I am aware).

 

[Davkaus]

For years I've been picking up joint injuries in really innocuous ways, I'd just wake up with a random pain, I've had a couple of courses of physio for shoulder and wrist issues that had me in pain and with a limited range of movement for months, with no obvious cause. Today my knees have both flared up. Slight swelling, and I can't walk up or down the stairs. I've also got my wrist in a support because that's been giving me trouble for months. I'm falling apart

I've got a GP appointment later in the week to try to get a blood test to rule out arthritis. I feel like I've swapped bodies with a 70 year old.  

[mjmooney]

8 minutes ago, Davkaus said:

For years I've been picking up joint injuries in really innocuous ways, I'd just wake up with a random pain, I've had a couple of courses of physio for shoulder and wrist issues that had me in pain and with a limited range of movement for months, with no obvious cause. Today my knees have both flared up. Slight swelling, and I can't walk up or down the stairs. I've also got my wrist in a support because that's been giving me trouble for months. I'm falling apart

I've got a GP appointment later in the week to try to get a blood test to rule out arthritis. I feel like I've swapped bodies with a 70 year old.  

Does sound like it could be psioratic or rheumatoid arthiritis. My missus has the latter and it is quite manageable with drugs if it's caught early enough. 

Edited September 7, 2020 by mjmooney

[Genie]

I rolled my ankle about a year ago, it really bloody hurt at the time. Now my achilles is still sore to the touch. I guess something ruptured. I expect if I went to the GP they’d just say rest it.

In the morning is worse when it’s tight but as the day goes on it loosens and hurts less. Same every day.

Edited September 7, 2020 by Genie

[villa4europe]

25 minutes ago, Genie said:

I rolled my ankle about a year ago, it really bloody hurt at the time. Now my achilles is still sore to the touch. I guess something ruptured. I expect if I went to the GP they’d just say rest it.

In the morning is worse when it’s tight but as the day goes on it loosens and hurts less. Same every day.

used to go to a gym in England where one of the owners was a team GB physio, did exactly the same, rolled my ankle, saw him after about 2 weeks, he was talking me through it and demonstrated what limping does by squeezing various other bits of my leg, you properly **** everything else up by compensating for the ankle

got Achilles trouble now, guessing tendonitis from wearing the wrong footwear on a 3G pitch (moulded studs) I need to play in some foam bottom running shoe type things but hate wearing them to football, taken a month off and ordered some fancy socks from the states to try and fix it, if I cant then my football days are numbered, can barely walk the day after playing

[mjmooney]

Achilles tendinitis is a real bugger to get rid of. 

[blandy]

40 minutes ago, mjmooney said:

Achilles tendinitis is a real bugger to get rid of. 

I'm touching wood (no, no Kenny please), but I reckon it took me over 10 years to stop suffering from it. Sympathies.

[Amsterdam_Neil_D]

Space films or series where the main spaceman or spacewoman need only apply for death defying mission if by complete chance they have an almost symbiotic connection to their family on earth.

Call me old fashioned but where the missions take 20 or 30 years just to finance,  get someone single maybe.  Makes it all a lot easier.

It just makes me want it to all blow up when silly words removed look out the window and then to a little teddy they brought with them to ******* Mars,  just to remind them & I hate them.

If a scene doesn't have the words attack,  laser, airlock or similar,  then **** it off.

[Amsterdam_Neil_D]

3 hours ago, mjmooney said:

"Does sound like it could be psoriatic or rheumatoid arthritis. My missus has the latter and it is quite manageable with drugs if it's caught early enough,  take 10 of these" said the nice doctor.

[Xela]

I've had tendonitis on top of my foot. Man alive, it was torture. I thought my foot was broken. 

Got prescribed co-codamol. Everything became a haze after that. 

[HanoiVillan]

1 hour ago, Amsterdam_Neil_D said:

Space films or series where the main spaceman or spacewoman need only apply for death defying mission if by complete chance they have an almost symbiotic connection to their family on earth.

Call me old fashioned but where the missions take 20 or 30 years just to finance,  get someone single maybe.  Makes it all a lot easier.

It just makes me want it to all blow up when silly words removed look out the window and then to a little teddy they brought with them to ******* Mars,  just to remind them & I hate them.

If a scene doesn't have the words attack,  laser, airlock or similar,  then **** it off.

At a tangent, this reminds me of a thing that pisses me off but probably shouldn't, which is manned space flight. The effort to get a few rich guys into low earth orbit could be so much more productively and interestingly spent on building robots to explore much further parts of the solar system.