Paddy's "Things that cheer you up"

[El Zen]

Yep, makes eating vegetables an entirely different experience all together. I’m not a big veggie eater, but roasted or sauteed with proper seasoning I don’t mind them at all.

[VILLAMARV]

Remembering I bought a fan last year and finding it in the cupboard

[VILLAMARV]

Also the sense of inner smugness when you're reading a thread about lettuce while eating some you grew yourself

[tonyh29]

The inner child in me couldn’t help but snigger at this headline in the metro today 

[VILLAMARV]

before the parsnip references get lost to the ether if anyone's a bit bored of roasting them or making soup or whatever  and isn't averse to cooking with microwaves - try grating them sticking them in a bowl with some butter, salt and pepper, and some more butter. Stick a lid on it and chuck it in the microwave for between 10-15 mins. Stop once half way to stir and check it aint burning (and why not add some more butter!). And cook it till it's soft and buttery basically.

A lovely lady I used to work in a kitchen with back in the day taught me that one and it's pretty much all I use the microwave for these days apart from heating up my cup of coffee. Handy when doing a roast when you're stuck for oven space too if you're feeding an army

If you don't like a nuke then you can stick it in the oven but then if you can do that you'd be roasting them right and I'm guessing it will take a bit longer.

Much tastier than mash imo.

[mottaloo]

10 hours ago, VILLAMARV said:

Also the sense of inner smugness when you're reading a thread about lettuce while eating some you grew yourself

Now, now....no need to be a gloating smeghead 

[VILLAMARV]

9 minutes ago, mottaloo said:

Now, now....no need to be a gloating smeghead 

[snowychap]

17 hours ago, coda said:

Those kids missing in the Thai cave for nine days. Found alive!

But they're now saying they've either got to teach them how to dive (and then try and navigate them through some difficult diving areas) or wait out the flooding which may be a couple of months.

[TimTort]

Not worthy of its own thread but on Saturday I was at a wedding of a work colleague and after the speeches the groom persuaded the best man to tell his story of what happened to him at the play-off final. He was a funny guy and told it brilliantly so I can't really do it justice second-hand but here goes. I'm sure there was a teeny bit of exaggeration of some bits but it was hysterical and had the entire room in fits of laughter.

The guy was called Reece and although not a big Villa fan himself, his dad has always been a devotee although some recent health problems have meant that he’s not always been able to get to as many games, so Reece decided to take him to Wembley and they got tickets and coach travel although not through official channels (whatever that meant!).

Anyway, they set off by coach and during the journey Reece, who by the way is a copper (not that that has any real significance) needs a wee but doesn’t want to use the toilet on the coach so opts to wait until they get into Wembley. They finally arrive and eventually get into the stadium, find their seats and once his dad is settled, Reece nips to the toilet for his much-needed relief.

But when he gets into the Gents he encounters an unfortunate problem – the tag on the fly zip of his jeans comes off in his fingers and he can’t get the zip undone. He struggles for ages and then realises it’s all looking a bit odd so he leaves, goes back to his seat, tells his dad what’s happened and decides to hold on until the game has started when the toilets might be a bit less busy.

Sure enough, 10 minutes or so into the game he leaves his old man again and goes back to the toilet where he discovers that the situation is even worse than he’d thought! Somehow, and this seems impossible but he can’t explain how it happened, he’s somehow managed to do up the stud button on his jeans and at the same time catch some of the material of his pants in the stud opening, so he now can’t get the stud undone without ripping his pants. In the midst of an almighty struggle to free both himself and the underwear, he contrives to tear the pants and the stud gets caught in the thicker waistband between the two layers of the material and by hell or high water he can’t free it.

Eventually he realises the only way he can resolve the problem is to break the stud off his jeans, but he hasn’t got a belt on and knows he won’t be able to keep his jeans up without holding them up and he needs to hold his old man’s arm and waist when they walk so he won’t be able to do both. He gives up, goes back to his dad and explains his predicament. His dad suggests that if he can wait, why not do so until they get back on the coach and he can then go in the on-board toilet, wrench open the waistband of the jeans and then return to his seat where he can sit with his jeans undone.

Reece reluctantly agrees and so desperately hangs on for the entire game, hardly able to concentrate on the match because his need is getting so bad. The game finally ends and Reece helps his dad as they slowly wend their way back to the coach but his discomfort is so dire that he can hardly walk properly.

They get on the coach, pull away and guess what? The driver announces that the toilet has become blocked and is unusable so it’s been locked! There are no plans for a scheduled stop but they’ll see if it’s necessary later in the journey.

Half an hour further on and Reece is in the most desperate trouble and can’t wait any longer. He goes and asks the driver if they can make an emergency stop but the driver says he can’t stop on the hard shoulder but, if absolutely necessary he can pull in at the next services which are around another 30-40 minutes. In despair Reece goes back to his seat whereon his dad tells him, “Look I know it’s embarrassing, but just wet yourself if you have to. No-one knows you and we’ll deal with the situation when we get back.”    

Horrified, Reece realises there’s little other option. Resigned to it happening, he slips his trainers off his feet to avoid them getting wet and prepares to let go. But, guess what again? He can’t! No matter how much he tries to release his bladder he’s unable to. The more he tries the worse the pain gets but he just can’t start doing it! That goes on for pretty much the rest of the journey and when they approach the next services the drivers sails straight past in the absence of any further request from anyone.

The coach finally arrives back at Witton station by which time Reece is doubled up in agonising pain but as he tries to get up, he can’t find his trainers which have presumably slid under one of the seats in front. Despite the arrangement, it’s his dad who ends up helping his son off the coach but to his horror he’s also discovered that somehow, someone has ‘snaffled’ his trainers and they’ve disappeared!! So Reece is in his socks!

Most travellers have started to walk away from the coach leaving Reece and his dad standing on the pavement – just as about a dozen young lads in Villa tracksuits walk around the corner, quite possibly the under-18 team having just got off their minibus back from Wembley, and right as they get alongside the coach they are suddenly faced with…

… 30-year old policeman Reece standing in his jeans and socks and torrentially wetting himself in the most spectacular fashion whilst standing on the pavement!!

He’s reckons the trainees, who watched open-mouthed, were probably scarred for life by what they saw!

 

His summing up was that the experience taught him three things:

1. It IS possible for a bloke to piss for two solid minutes!

2. It simply ISN’T possible for a sober bloke to piss himself sitting down!

3. However bad Villa fans think things have got, there’s always someone else worse off!

    

4. Anyway, just though it was worth a share if anyone managed to get to the end of it. As I said, he told it superbly.

Edited July 3, 2018 by TimTort

[HanoiVillan]

Very much worth the wait, thank you for sharing!

[il_serpente]

14 hours ago, VILLAMARV said:

before the parsnip references get lost to the ether if anyone's a bit bored of roasting them or making soup or whatever  and isn't averse to cooking with microwaves - try grating them sticking them in a bowl with some butter, salt and pepper, and some more butter. Stick a lid on it and chuck it in the microwave for between 10-15 mins. Stop once half way to stir and check it aint burning (and why not add some more butter!). And cook it till it's soft and buttery basically.

A lovely lady I used to work in a kitchen with back in the day taught me that one and it's pretty much all I use the microwave for these days apart from heating up my cup of coffee. Handy when doing a roast when you're stuck for oven space too if you're feeding an army

If you don't like a nuke then you can stick it in the oven but then if you can do that you'd be roasting them right and I'm guessing it will take a bit longer.

Much tastier than mash imo.

I've got a similar, but better recipe:   Do everything as in yours, but put a brick in the bowl with the parsnips and everything else.   When it's done, throw away the parsnips and eat the brick.

[VILLAMARV]

13 minutes ago, il_serpente said:

I've got a similar, but better recipe:   Do everything as in yours, but put a brick in the bowl with the parsnips and everything else.   When it's done, throw away the parsnips and eat the brick.

[StefanAVFC]

 

[TimTort]

Maybe the play-off disaster should have been a thread of its own!!

[A'Villan]

For some years I've enjoyed motivational speakers, not all of them, some are trash.

Same goes for philosophy.

The right motivational talker can really help me focus that discipline required to actualise my pursuits, especially creative.

Then I am going to say any form of artistic endeavour of merit (and by that I mean basically, anything done well).

Any showing of compassion, little or large.

I'll come back to this thread for sure, great idea.

[maqroll]

Have I mentioned how beautiful and brilliant the English actress Rebecca Hall is?

[Stevo985]

4 hours ago, StefanAVFC said:

 

The weirdest thing is that they’re protesting for something that they’ve already got. 

[VILLAMARV]

3 hours ago, Stevo985 said:

The weirdest thing is that they’re protesting for something that they’ve already got. 

Oh I dunno, I somehow suspect he may still very much be in debt in any real justice stakes.

[lapal_fan]

5 hours ago, A'Villan said:

For some years I've enjoyed motivational speakers, not all of them, some are trash.

Same goes for philosophy.

The right motivational talker can really help me focus that discipline required to actualise my pursuits, especially creative.

Then I am going to say any form of artistic endeavour of merit (and by that I mean basically, anything done well).

Any showing of compassion, little or large.

I'll come back to this thread for sure, great idea.

[HanoiVillan]