Robtaylor200 Posted August 16, 2021 Share Posted August 16, 2021 Just read this again yesterday and thought it hadn't been told in a while My mate at work has a stutter. Last night he was telling us about his Nana, by the time he had finished we were all singing Hey Jude Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8pints Posted August 19, 2021 Share Posted August 19, 2021 Here's a list, the first four are great but that last one is a bit dark - Spoiler 1 great 2 great 3 great 4 great 5 a bit dark 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted August 23, 2021 Share Posted August 23, 2021 On 19/08/2021 at 22:13, 8pints said: Here's a list, the first four are great but that last one is a bit dark - Hide contents 1 great 2 great 3 great 4 great 5 a bit dark I think that is an 8 pint joke 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted September 4, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted September 4, 2021 The other day I spotted an albino Dalmatian. It was the least I could do. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Big Salad Posted September 4, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 4, 2021 I asked the librarian to recommend an author who writes dinosaur books. "Try Sarah Topps," she replied. 4 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidcow Posted September 4, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted September 4, 2021 8 minutes ago, Big Salad said: I asked the librarian to recommend an author who writes dinosaur books. "Try Sarah Topps," she replied. Crikey. I was just taken straight back to the jokes page on the kids section of BBC Ceefax circa 1982. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post rjw63 Posted September 5, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 5, 2021 Here's one I can just see @bickstertelling in a pub full of scousers... I picked up a fat chick wearing a tracksuit in my taxi and dropped her off at the park. She jumped out and started jogging down the road beside me. "You go girl!" I shouted with a wolf whistle. "You'll be losing those pounds before you know it". "My ****' scarf's trapped in the door, you arsehole" she replied. 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PussEKatt Posted September 6, 2021 Share Posted September 6, 2021 A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!" 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted September 12, 2021 Share Posted September 12, 2021 Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. One nun suggests to the other "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door". So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask "Who is it?" "The Blind man!" The nuns look at each other and one nun says "He's blind, so he can't see. What could it hurt?" They let him in. The blind man walks in and says "**** hell, you nuns certainly know how to hide a fantastic pair of tits.. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Designer1 Posted September 12, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted September 12, 2021 1 minute ago, rjw63 said: Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. One nun suggests to the other "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door". So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask "Who is it?" "The Blind man!" The nuns look at each other and one nun says "He's blind, so he can't see. What could it hurt?" They let him in. The blind man walks in and says "**** hell, you nuns certainly know how to hide a fantastic pair of tits.. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?" Bloody hell Roberto the first time I heard that Colonel Sanders was still a Private 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted September 12, 2021 Share Posted September 12, 2021 1 minute ago, Designer1 said: Bloody hell Roberto the first time I heard that Colonel Sanders was still a Private 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post rjw63 Posted September 12, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 12, 2021 Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire. 4 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted September 12, 2021 Share Posted September 12, 2021 A guy in my class has a habit of breaking my glasses. His name is Dwayne, and I hate him. I have really bad eyesight, so without my glasses it's basically impossible for me to see anything, and it was negatively affecting my grades. Dwayne broke my first pair when I left them on my desk and he "accidentally" sat on them. He broke my second pair when he slapped me in the face because he was "swatting a fly". He broke my third pair when he threw a ball at my face during recess. He broke my fourth pair when he snapped them in half because he wanted to "test their durability". Eventually I complained, and Dwayne was moved to another school. I haven't had problems with my eyesight since. I can see clearly now, Dwayne is gone. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Big Salad Posted September 12, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 12, 2021 Today, I shocked the hell out of my postwoman by opening the door completely naked. I'm not sure what surprised her most: my nudity, or the fact that I knew where she lives. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted September 12, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted September 12, 2021 40 minutes ago, rjw63 said: Mother superior tells two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes. One nun suggests to the other "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door". So they do this, and begin painting their room. Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask "Who is it?" "The Blind man!" The nuns look at each other and one nun says "He's blind, so he can't see. What could it hurt?" They let him in. The blind man walks in and says "**** hell, you nuns certainly know how to hide a fantastic pair of tits.. Where do you want me to hang the blinds?" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted September 12, 2021 Share Posted September 12, 2021 (edited) 29 minutes ago, mjmooney said: No plagiarism, I've only ever seen the brussel sprouts Christmas episode Edited September 12, 2021 by rjw63 feckin yooslass shpeeling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PussEKatt Posted September 13, 2021 Share Posted September 13, 2021 Is it in, Yeah Does it hurt A little bit Let me put it in slowly It still hurts OK,lets try another shoe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brumerican Posted September 14, 2021 Share Posted September 14, 2021 On 06/02/2021 at 14:42, Brumerican said: Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire. On 12/09/2021 at 16:23, rjw63 said: Without a doubt, my favourite Robin Williams movie is Mrs Fire. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Brumerican Posted September 14, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 14, 2021 My nickname at school was scarface I was brilliant at knitting 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Enda Posted September 14, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 14, 2021 Stallone: I'm making a documentary about composers. I'm playing Vivaldi. VanDamme: I'll be Mozart. Schwarzenegger: *takes deep breath* 4 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts