bielesibub Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 1 hour ago, Designer1 said: A Software Tester walks into a bar. Walks into a bar. Runs into a bar. Crawls into a bar. Dances into a bar. Flies into a bar. Jumps into a bar. And orders: a beer. 2 beers. 0 beers. 99999999 beers. a lizard in a beer glass. -1 beer. "qwertyuiop" beers. Testing complete. A real customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is. The bar goes up in flames. Can you show me the requirements for, running, crawling, dancing, flying, jumping into the bar? Also its fair to say the customer never stated that they wanted to do anything with the bar once they were in it. Development team response complete 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enda Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 3 hours ago, Designer1 said: A Software Tester walks into a bar. Walks into a bar. Runs into a bar. Crawls into a bar. Dances into a bar. Flies into a bar. Jumps into a bar. And orders: a beer. 2 beers. 0 beers.99999999 beers. a lizard in a beer glass. -1 beer. "qwertyuiop" beers. Testing complete. A real customer walks into the bar and asks where the bathroom is. The bar goes up in flames. This joke is Beta. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post mjmooney Posted September 22, 2021 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted September 22, 2021 Q. What's the difference between a cow and Simply Red? A. A cow has horns at the front and an arsehole at the back 2 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Big Salad Posted September 22, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 22, 2021 A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. 'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears. 'Promise me you won't tell me.' Confused, the father asked what was wrong. The boy sobbed, 'When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech. If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really shag, I'll have nothing left to live for.' 2 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post rjw63 Posted September 23, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 23, 2021 The wife brought home a tub of ice-cream and asked if I wanted some. "How hard is it?" I asked. She cheekily replied "As hard as your cock when you're thinking about me naked!" "Go on then, pour me a glass". 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post rjw63 Posted September 23, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted September 23, 2021 The strangest thing happened to me last night... I put my dinner in the oven as normal, and I must have left it for about 20 minutes before going back to check on it. To my surprise, when I opened the oven door, the whole thing had gone. Tray, food, everything - not a trace! That's the last time I buy McCann's Oven Chips. 6 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted September 23, 2021 Share Posted September 23, 2021 I was going into the local shopping centre when a dishevelled beggar jumped in front of me. Beggar: "Any change mate?" Me: "I don't have any change". Beggar "C'mon..." Me: I don't have ANY change". Beggar: "I can't accept that". Me: "Sigh! You can't accept that? jeez...okay okay, will you take a note?" Beggar: "Sure... that would be great!" he said with a grin. So I took a piece of paper and a pencil out of my briefcase, wrote "I don't have ANY **** CHANGE!" handed it to the prick, and walked off. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted September 23, 2021 Share Posted September 23, 2021 A man went to see his doctor and said he needed lots of Viagra. "My girlfriend is coming over on Friday, my ex-wife on Saturday and an ex-girlfriend on Sunday". "That's an awful lot of Viagra" said the doc. "I'll have to check you on Monday". Monday morning the man came in with his arm in a sling. "What happened!" said the doc. "No one showed up!" the man said. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theboyangel Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 Which Spice Girl can still get petrol??? Gerry can… I’ll get me coat 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 12 minutes ago, theboyangel said: Which Spice Girl can still get petrol??? Gerry can… I’ll get me coat Is it because her husband is the boss of a motorsport team? They probably have their own supply. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisp65 Posted September 25, 2021 Share Posted September 25, 2021 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post mjmooney Posted October 12, 2021 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted October 12, 2021 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post mjmooney Posted October 13, 2021 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted October 13, 2021 Q. How do you tell the sex of an ant? A. Drop it in water. If it sinks - girl ant. 3 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post markc Posted October 13, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted October 13, 2021 Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter flight for 4 people?! I'm still looking for 2 more people to join us. We leave early Saturday (October 23rd) morning from Exeter and will fly to London where we will have breakfast and then on a yacht for lunch. Then we’ll do a flight along the coast to see Dover and the white cliffs and returning to London for dinner, then fly back home. If interested please PM me.. Preferably someone with a helicopter and yacht, otherwise we can't go... 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PussEKatt Posted October 13, 2021 Share Posted October 13, 2021 A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. “Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.” Two days later her doorbell rings. “Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won't run away.” “What makes you think you are great in bed?” the woman retorts. Tim replies, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?” 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a m ole Posted October 13, 2021 Share Posted October 13, 2021 6 hours ago, mjmooney said: Q. How do you tell the sex of an ant? A. Drop it in water. If it sinks - girl ant. WHERES THE PUNCHLINE??!?! 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Stevo985 Posted October 13, 2021 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted October 13, 2021 James Bond walks into a bar in Ancient Rome Bond: I'll have a Martinus, shaken not stirred Barman: do you mean a Martini? Bond: If I wanted a double I'd have asked for it 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Lifeboats Posted October 13, 2021 Share Posted October 13, 2021 34 minutes ago, Stevo985 said: James Bond walks into a bar in Ancient Rome Bond: I'll have a Martinus, shaken not stirred Barman: do you mean a Martini? Bond: If I wanted a double I'd have asked for it Barman : Ede faecam iacomus vinculum! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidcow Posted October 13, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted October 13, 2021 12 hours ago, mjmooney said: Q. How do you tell the sex of an ant? A. Drop it in water. If it sinks - girl ant. Had to think 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC_Hitz Posted October 13, 2021 Share Posted October 13, 2021 13 hours ago, mjmooney said: Q. How do you tell the sex of an ant? A. Drop it in water. If it sinks - girl ant. This took me too long. It'd been in my head all day since you posted it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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