Xela Posted October 14, 2021 Share Posted October 14, 2021 Saw this on Twitter... I went to Waterstones earlier and asked the lady for a book on turtles. ‘Hardback?’ she asked. I was like.. ‘Yeah, and little heads and feet’ 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PussEKatt Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 On 13/10/2021 at 21:21, a m ole said: WHERES THE PUNCHLINE??!?! If it sinks - Girl ant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a m ole Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 Just now, PussEKatt said: If it sinks - Girl ant If it swims, male ant? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PussEKatt Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 2 minutes ago, a m ole said: If it swims, male ant? Also, if it uses a periscpe,Male ant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 The police phoned me to tell me my wife was in hospital. "How is she?" I asked. "Very critical" replied the officer. "Oh great. What's she complaining about now?" I asked. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 Had sex with my girlfriend in the car last night. It was pretty uncomfortable. I wish we'd dropped her parents off first. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post rjw63 Posted October 15, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted October 15, 2021 A 5-year-old child is usually taken to school by her grandfather. When he had a bad cold his wife took the girl. That night she told her parents that the ride to school with granny was very different!" "What made it different?" asked her parents. "Gran and I didn't see a single Representative for Wellingborough, blind word removed, dickhead, prick or rocket polisher anywhere on the way to school today." 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted October 15, 2021 Share Posted October 15, 2021 9 minutes ago, rjw63 said: A 5-year-old child is usually taken to school by her grandfather. When he had a bad cold his wife took the girl. That night she told her parents that the ride to school with granny was very different!" "What made it different?" asked her parents. "Gran and I didn't see a single Representative for Wellingborough, blind word removed, dickhead, prick or rocket polisher anywhere on the way to school today." You nearly broke the VT auto correct machine with that joke 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post bickster Posted October 15, 2021 Moderator Popular Post Share Posted October 15, 2021 The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." Yes, she says, "I remember it well." OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!" A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The elderly couple walk along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?" Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply, Spoiler "Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence." 18 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted October 16, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted October 16, 2021 I got caught having sex with a dead body by my entire family. My gran’s funeral was crazy 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Rds1983 Posted October 16, 2021 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted October 16, 2021 2 hours ago, Stevo985 said: I got caught having sex with a dead body by my entire family. My gran’s funeral was crazy 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidcow Posted October 17, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted October 17, 2021 21 hours ago, Stevo985 said: I got caught having sex with a dead body by my entire family. My gran’s funeral was crazy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post leemond2008 Posted October 17, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted October 17, 2021 On 16/10/2021 at 13:30, Stevo985 said: I got caught having sex with a dead body by my entire family. My gran’s funeral was crazy Thanks, that means a lot. 9 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colhint Posted October 17, 2021 Share Posted October 17, 2021 I went to an air and space museum. There was nothing there. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted October 17, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted October 17, 2021 12 minutes ago, colhint said: I went to an air and space museum. There was nothing there. I to a zoo, and all they had was one small dog. It was a shitzu. (Yeah, I know, I know...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StefanAVFC Posted October 18, 2021 Share Posted October 18, 2021 (edited) I can cut wood by looking at it. Spoiler I saw it with my own eyes Edited October 19, 2021 by StefanAVFC 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted October 18, 2021 Share Posted October 18, 2021 On 13/10/2021 at 20:39, sidcow said: Had to think Yeah I’m not getting it at all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidcow Posted October 18, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted October 18, 2021 16 minutes ago, Dante_Lockhart said: Yeah I’m not getting it at all What's the opposite of girl ant? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Dante_Lockhart Posted October 18, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted October 18, 2021 11 minutes ago, sidcow said: What's the opposite of girl ant? FFS 2 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Straggler Posted October 19, 2021 Share Posted October 19, 2021 14 hours ago, sidcow said: What's the opposite of girl ant? Elephant? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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