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The Boring Thread


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18 hours ago, Genie said:

How come no one is talking about the lack of rain? It hasn’t rained for weeks, and nothing in the forecast going forwards...

According to my weather app on my phone, it'll rain tomorrow and saturday?

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25 minutes ago, sidcow said:

Had a delivery from Morissons today.  About 30 items.  The only items I REALLY wanted was cans of Wainwright's Golden Ale.  They were missing. 

Could we have some more information please. Specifically on how you count items to reach a total of 30. For instance is a pack of 3 tuna cans  considered as 3 or 1? 
 

PS - What the hell will we be talking about when it gets to lockdown week 12?

Edited by Mandy Lifeboats
Speeding mishsteaks
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1 hour ago, Mandy Lifeboats said:

Could we have some more information please. Specifically on how you count items to reach a total of 30. For instance is a pack of 3 tuna cans  considered as 3 or 1? 
 

PS - What the hell will we be talking about when it gets to lockdown week 12?

Exactly.  Morrisons do the 3 max of any item so 3 packs of 4 cans = 12 drinks. 

What DID turn up was my maximum allocation of 3 Wainwright bottles.  Great but only 3 drinks.  Where is the logic in that? 

The most annoying thing of all is that they tried to substitute the ale with Hop House lager. WTF???? What sort of cockwomble is making these suggestions? Would they suggest replacing Vodka with a couple of bottles of Volvic water? 

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If anyone ever me  “Would you like some water?” my standard response is always the same: “No thanks, I don’t need a wash”. 
 

I love annoying people by cracking the same jokes well after they have ceased to be funny.  The following are honestly jokes that I use on a regular basis and have been doing so for far too long. 

Upon hearing a Police Siren: “He’s not going to sell many ice creams driving at that speed”. 

Upon passing any shop that sells trophies: “He must be a great shopkeeper. Look at all the trophies he’s won”. 
 

But my two most favourite and annoying are: 

I trained a new work colleague in 2001. I got her name wrong. She still works for us. I have intentionally got her name wrong EVERY time we have met, emailed or spoken  since. If I need to advise anyone to contact her I always pass on the wrong name to ensure they ask for her using the wrong name. She ceased to find it funny in 2002.  
 

I have another work colleague who is much younger than me and dances as a hobby.  I regularly ask her how her other job as a welder is going? She’s never seen the movie Flashdance and has no idea what I am talking about. No-one else has told her. They just say they are a mystified as her.  But the joke has spread and others regularly make Flashdance related references in casual conversation. I almost wet myself when someone walked along a line of 3 people sitting together, pointed at each and then danced away. 

 

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On 18/04/2020 at 10:37, Mandy Lifeboats said:

If anyone ever me  “Would you like some water?” my standard response is always the same: “No thanks, I don’t need a wash”. 
 

I love annoying people by cracking the same jokes well after they have ceased to be funny.  The following are honestly jokes that I use on a regular basis and have been doing so for far too long. 

Upon hearing a Police Siren: “He’s not going to sell many ice creams driving at that speed”. 

Upon passing any shop that sells trophies: “He must be a great shopkeeper. Look at all the trophies he’s won”. 
 

But my two most favourite and annoying are: 

I trained a new work colleague in 2001. I got her name wrong. She still works for us. I have intentionally got her name wrong EVERY time we have met, emailed or spoken  since. If I need to advise anyone to contact her I always pass on the wrong name to ensure they ask for her using the wrong name. She ceased to find it funny in 2002.  
 

I have another work colleague who is much younger than me and dances as a hobby.  I regularly ask her how her other job as a welder is going? She’s never seen the movie Flashdance and has no idea what I am talking about. No-one else has told her. They just say they are a mystified as her.  But the joke has spread and others regularly make Flashdance related references in casual conversation. I almost wet myself when someone walked along a line of 3 people sitting together, pointed at each and then danced away. 

 

Dad?

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How do you cut your sandwich/slice of toast? 

Horizontal cut across the middle? 

Diagonal cut? 

Quarters? (Surely only for children?) 

No cut at all? 

When I was a kid, I always went for the horizontal cut - and I was convinced that the 'round' half (from the top of the loaf) tasted better than the 'square' half. 

Nowadays I favour the diagonal - a more sophisticated and adult style, I feel. 

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toast isn’t for cutting when it’s just got a ‘spread’ atop but will use a knife and fork for toast topped with eggs etc

i can’t stand it when you got out for a cooked breakfast and they serve the toast in half pieces - I want it whole to put my eggs and/or mushrooms on... 

as for a sandwich, straight across the middle horizontally or not at all (depending on the filler)

 

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41 minutes ago, mjmooney said:

How do you cut your sandwich/slice of toast? 

Horizontal cut across the middle? 

Diagonal cut? 

Quarters? (Surely only for children?) 

No cut at all? 

When I was a kid, I always went for the horizontal cut - and I was convinced that the 'round' half (from the top of the loaf) tasted better than the 'square' half. 

Nowadays I favour the diagonal - a more sophisticated and adult style, I feel. 

Horizontal into rectangles. 
I went through a stage of not cutting it for years. But that’s barbaric. I’ve learned from my mistakes. 
 

Only cut diagonal on special occasions

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On 18/04/2020 at 10:37, Mandy Lifeboats said:

If anyone ever me  “Would you like some water?” my standard response is always the same: “No thanks, I don’t need a wash”. 
 

I love annoying people by cracking the same jokes well after they have ceased to be funny.  The following are honestly jokes that I use on a regular basis and have been doing so for far too long. 

Upon hearing a Police Siren: “He’s not going to sell many ice creams driving at that speed”. 

Upon passing any shop that sells trophies: “He must be a great shopkeeper. Look at all the trophies he’s won”. 

When putting my car in reverse, even if I'm by myself, "ah, this takes me back".

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1 hour ago, mjmooney said:

How do you cut your sandwich/slice of toast? 

Horizontal cut across the middle? 

Diagonal cut? 

Quarters? (Surely only for children?) 

No cut at all? 

When I was a kid, I always went for the horizontal cut - and I was convinced that the 'round' half (from the top of the loaf) tasted better than the 'square' half. 

Nowadays I favour the diagonal - a more sophisticated and adult style, I feel. 

Horizontal for shop bread which is pretty square anyway, it fits in my butty box better that way. If home made bread then vertical because of the odd shape of the bread.

Diagonal is poncy.

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