rjw63 Posted August 24, 2021 Share Posted August 24, 2021 1 hour ago, theboyangel said: Don't be hard on yourself @A'Villan - women can be strange beasts at times. It's probably a mountain out of a molehill. To be fair, it's probably a good thing this happened after date 2 and not further down the road when you've become more attached to her. (Just an aside - you didn't take @rjw63's usual advice and attempted to DHUTWU?) Can't go wrong, UTWU 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Stevo985 Posted August 25, 2021 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted August 25, 2021 I mentioned it in the Baby thread so I may as well put it in here. Despite my OH being pregnant, we've now split up. I cheated on her (not while she was pregnant, not that that makes it ok) and she's understandably ended it. It's not big and it's not clever, I'm a word removed. But it is what it is. 7 years down the drain. Still hopeful we'll find a way to make it work but realistically I don't think it will happen. No sympathy deserved or needed. My main thoughts now are looking after her and the baby 3 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A'Villan Posted August 25, 2021 Share Posted August 25, 2021 3 hours ago, Stevo985 said: I mentioned it in the Baby thread so I may as well put it in here. Despite my OH being pregnant, we've now split up. I cheated on her (not while she was pregnant, not that that makes it ok) and she's understandably ended it. It's not big and it's not clever, I'm a word removed. But it is what it is. 7 years down the drain. Still hopeful we'll find a way to make it work but realistically I don't think it will happen. No sympathy deserved or needed. My main thoughts now are looking after her and the baby My Dad cheating ended what had been for 18 years. As you're possibly not interested in me offering that story, I won't. All I will say is to take care of yourself too. The onset of your feelings, her feelings, your children's feelings, other life challenges may not be immediate, and while I am no one to speak for you and yours, or your situation, if you want to be the best father you can be, you've got to be there, so protect your neck too. Stoicism is great, I'm all about that. However, I feel that it is only that way when we are true to ourselves and are that way for this purpose, and not only for the sake of others, and how we want to be perceived. I will share that my Dad thought hiding emotions and being emotionally distant on what mattered to him, for the sake of us, was the way to go. The greatest lesson is that we always have a lot to learn. We cannot offer our children what we do not have. If you want them to have certain characteristics, then embody them yourself. Kindness? Strength? Prosperity? It all starts with you having it to give them. I don't know you, @Stevo985, outside of seeing you as a poster on this forum to whom I like and enjoy reading your posts. Make sure you keep that chin up. You seem accepting and stable and all that, but so did my Dad, so forgive me saying. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted August 25, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted August 25, 2021 I'm ok. I'm definitely down about it and lonely and full of guilt and regret etc, but my thoughts really are with her and the baby. i've made this way way harder for her than it should be and I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for that 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted August 25, 2021 Share Posted August 25, 2021 30 minutes ago, Stevo985 said: I'm ok. I'm definitely down about it and lonely and full of guilt and regret etc, but my thoughts really are with her and the baby. i've made this way way harder for her than it should be and I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for that Sorry to hear that mate. FWIW it really doesn't seem like something you'd do.. if that makes sense, it seems out of character. A question you don't have to answer, but why? Someone you've known for a while? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted August 25, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted August 25, 2021 3 minutes ago, lapal_fan said: Sorry to hear that mate. FWIW it really doesn't seem like something you'd do.. if that makes sense, it seems out of character. A question you don't have to answer, but why? Someone you've known for a while? I guess why is a complicated question. Someone I knew for a while and got close to, I fancied her physically. Something happened on a drunken night out. I thought I had feelings for her so it happened again a few times. Then I realised I didn't have feelings for her and it was a mistake. So ended it. When she found out my OH was pregnant she told her what had happened and my OH ended it 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted August 25, 2021 Share Posted August 25, 2021 2 minutes ago, Stevo985 said: I guess why is a complicated question. Someone I knew for a while and got close to, I fancied her physically. Something happened on a drunken night out. I thought I had feelings for her so it happened again a few times. Then I realised I didn't have feelings for her and it was a mistake. So ended it. When she found out my OH was pregnant she told her what had happened and my OH ended it Not great then huh? Listen, this too will pass. You might not have wanted to become papa stevo, but trust me, it's pretty good. I hope you and your ex can get on a amicable level - you'll need each other. Good luck! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villa4europe Posted August 25, 2021 Share Posted August 25, 2021 5 minutes ago, Stevo985 said: When she found out my OH was pregnant she told her what had happened and my OH ended it as an outsider looking in that sounds a right bitch, not condoning cheating in any way or saying that she has to be discrete but she's potentially ruined 3 lives, the stress that would cause is no good for anyone either could make people go either way i suppose and adding anger towards her in your predicament wont achieve anything Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted August 25, 2021 Share Posted August 25, 2021 Sounds like a pretty chaotic few months there Stevo. Things will settle. I’ve known relationships come back from worse (if thats what you want), and thats without a child in play. Keep your chin up and remind yourself things could be a lot worse. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomav84 Posted August 25, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted August 25, 2021 59 minutes ago, Stevo985 said: Then I realised I didn't have feelings for her and it was a mistake. So ended it. When she found out my OH was pregnant she told her what had happened and my OH ended it hell hath no fury and all that eh... i'd keep trying with your ex mate...you'll be surprised at how forgiving women can be 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted August 25, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted August 25, 2021 1 hour ago, villa4europe said: as an outsider looking in that sounds a right bitch, not condoning cheating in any way or saying that she has to be discrete but she's potentially ruined 3 lives, the stress that would cause is no good for anyone either could make people go either way i suppose and adding anger towards her in your predicament wont achieve anything Yeah I'd say the same. She thinks she hasn't done anything wrong and doesn't seem to have any remorse. I've spent so long overthinking it that I don't know whether that's right or wrong anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted August 25, 2021 Share Posted August 25, 2021 I guess she can get revenge and convince herself she was doing the greater good all in 1 go, she ain’t gonna pass up that opportunity. Are you open to rekindling things with the ex if she was open to the idea? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davkaus Posted August 25, 2021 Share Posted August 25, 2021 To be honest, if I had been cheated on, I'd want to know rather than have it covered up. One way or another I hope it works out for you both, and it'll be tough work to get through it and rebuild the trust if you do get back together at some point, but it's better that than it coming out down the line. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted August 25, 2021 Share Posted August 25, 2021 Her friend will be thinking "If he's done it with me, then he'll probably do it again, with someone else, whilst having a kid". I imagine it was horrible for her, telling her pregnant friend about it as well. That said, both she AND Stevo (sorry pal) are the baddies for getting into that situation in the first place (and then other times). As you said @Davkaus, I'd want to know too, because for me, finding out way down the line would be oh so much more painful (being the dumbass with no idea what had gone on etc). 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Albrighton Posted August 25, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted August 25, 2021 (edited) 12 minutes ago, lapal_fan said: Her friend will be thinking "If he's done it with me, then he'll probably do it again, with someone else, whilst having a kid". I imagine it was horrible for her, telling her pregnant friend about it as well. That said, both she AND Stevo (sorry pal) are the baddies for getting into that situation in the first place (and then other times). As you said @Davkaus, I'd want to know too, because for me, finding out way down the line would be oh so much more painful (being the dumbass with no idea what had gone on etc). In fairness, Stevo didn’t say this woman was his ex’s friend. The way Ben has written it, it comes across like this woman wanted something “proper” with Ben, he doesn’t, she finds out his girlfriend is pregnant, then let’s the cat out of the bag out of spite. Maybe I have the wrong end of the stick and the ex and the other woman are (were) good friends, but it doesn’t read like that’s a given. Edited August 25, 2021 by Mark Albrighton 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted August 25, 2021 Share Posted August 25, 2021 1 minute ago, Mark Albrighton said: In fairness, Stevo didn’t say this woman was his ex’s friend. The way Ben has written it, it comes across like this woman wanted something “proper” with Ben, he doesn’t, she finds out his girlfriend is pregnant, then says let’s the cat out of the bag out of spite. Maybe I have the wrong end of the stick and the ex and the other woman are (were) good friends, but it doesn’t read like that’s a given. Ahh, that's what I picked up - apologies if not true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted August 25, 2021 Share Posted August 25, 2021 (edited) 4 hours ago, Stevo985 said: I'm ok. I'm definitely down about it and lonely and full of guilt and regret etc, but my thoughts really are with her and the baby. i've made this way way harder for her than it should be and I don't know if I'll ever forgive myself for that We all make mistakes . I cheated on my missus years ago, and luckily we sorted it out. Took a bit to get over it, but we are over it now. Hopefully you sort it and I think you will, but then again I don’t know anything about your partner/ex partner, so who knows . Seems you are owning your mistake which is good. Fingers crossed for you, and I mean that. Chin up and congratulations on the baby news, I didn’t know you were going to be a dad to be. Edited August 25, 2021 by Rugeley Villa 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted August 25, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted August 25, 2021 2 hours ago, Genie said: I guess she can get revenge and convince herself she was doing the greater good all in 1 go, she ain’t gonna pass up that opportunity. Are you open to rekindling things with the ex if she was open to the idea? 100% 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted August 25, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted August 25, 2021 2 hours ago, Davkaus said: To be honest, if I had been cheated on, I'd want to know rather than have it covered up. One way or another I hope it works out for you both, and it'll be tough work to get through it and rebuild the trust if you do get back together at some point, but it's better that than it coming out down the line. In retrospect I should have told her, obviously. Especially before she got pregnant. But if I was thinking straight I wouldn't have done it in the first place 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted August 25, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted August 25, 2021 1 hour ago, lapal_fan said: Her friend will be thinking "If he's done it with me, then he'll probably do it again, with someone else, whilst having a kid". I imagine it was horrible for her, telling her pregnant friend about it as well. That said, both she AND Stevo (sorry pal) are the baddies for getting into that situation in the first place (and then other times). As you said @Davkaus, I'd want to know too, because for me, finding out way down the line would be oh so much more painful (being the dumbass with no idea what had gone on etc). They weren't friends. They've never met But yes I absolutely am the bad guy, you don't have to apologise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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