Irreverentad's Relationship Advice Thread

[villan-scott]

8 hours ago, rjw63 said:

Well...she joined this site as a Jawdee fan. We got chatting via PM, next thing I know I'm getting a load of tasty nude pics in my inbox.

It was pretty obvious what she wanted, so I gave it to her. All in my murky past, I don't do shit like that anymore

 

I wondered why Villa Lad keeps hanging around too. 

[Don_Simon]

On 25/08/2021 at 15:00, villa4europe said:

as an outsider looking in that sounds a right bitch, not condoning cheating in any way or saying that she has to be discrete but she's potentially ruined 3 lives, the stress that would cause is no good for anyone either

could make people go either way i suppose and adding anger towards her in your predicament wont achieve anything

Deleted - my point had already been made!

Edited August 26, 2021 by Don_Simon
Repeat post.

[Don_Simon]

On 25/08/2021 at 19:46, Xela said:

Agree with @Mark Albrighton on this. The spurned woman was vindictive and spiteful in telling a pregnant woman, that she didn't know, that her partner was cheating. She had nothing to gain, but revenge. You hurt me, I'm going to destroy your world, sort of thing.

Obviously doesn't make what @Stevo985 did acceptable in any way, but it should have been his decision to say something, or not.

 

 

This is really interesting. If your partner cheated on you, you wouldn't want to know? And if you did want to know, you would only want to be told by your partner?

[Xela]

9 minutes ago, Don_Simon said:

This is really interesting. If your partner cheated on you, you wouldn't want to know? And if you did want to know, you would only want to be told by your partner?

I didn't say the last part was my general rule, just in that example specifically. 

My view is, don't get involved in relationships of people you don't know. I'm guessing she only told her to cause hurt to the guy, not because of any deep concern to the pregnant girlfriend. If she was that concerned she wouldn't have been complicit in the cheating in the first place. 

To give an example - if a work colleague of mine was cheating on his wife, and I didn't know his wife, I wouldn't tell her. None of my business is it? If the wife was a  good friend of mine, then I may tell her. It would depend on how close the friendship was and whether I thought she would appreciate it or not. Thats a decision you make when you know the person and how they would react. I know its a slightly different scenario but hope it gives an example of my thinking. 

In this instance the news came from a stranger. Maybe some people wouldn't want to know (ignorance is bliss etc) and wouldn't appreciate it? Maybe some would want to know. To your question - would I want to know? I'm not sure, but if i'm consistent to my view, I wouldn't want to find out from a random person. 

 

*sorry @Stevo985, this has branched out into a general discussion now

 

[Mark Albrighton]

I think it would depend if it was a brief dalliance or long term cheating.

I would want to know if I was going out with someone who was serially cheating on me. Either with one person or multiple partners.

If it was a brief dalliance, she realised she made a mistake, got it out of her system and it wasn’t going to happen again…I can see the appeal in remaining unaware. 

Regardless, I’d rather hear it from my partner. Or maybe a concerned friend. I definitely would not want to hear it from some fella I don’t know who’s told me he’s slept with my girlfriend. 

In this particular situation, it reads like this spurned lover has spilled the beans when she learnt of the pregnancy. It seems like her sisterly solidarity was absent before then. 

[Xela]

Far more coherent and concise @Mark Albrighton compared to my ramblings! 

Edited August 26, 2021 by Xela

[Mark Albrighton]

3 minutes ago, Xela said:

Far more coherent and concise @Mark Albrighton compared my ramblings! 

I thought it was a good post mate! I nearly didn’t bother when I saw you’d beaten me to the punch with a similar view, but as I’d gone to the trouble of typing it out already and making sure I’d spelt “dalliance” correctly…

[chrisp65]

I’d rather know than not. I’m wouldn’t appreciate being deceived for what the cheating partner has decided is my own good.

I’d rather be told by my partner, because if you find out from a third party, you’ll never truly know if your partner was ever going to be truthful with you.

And that truth and trust is fundamental.

And every relationship is different. So none of the above is automatically transferable.

 

 

 

[villa4europe]

54 minutes ago, Don_Simon said:

This is really interesting. If your partner cheated on you, you wouldn't want to know? And if you did want to know, you would only want to be told by your partner?

Of course

But if I was pregnant... I think it changes the "rules" as to what would be considered decency, I think the stress it can cause is dangerous during the pregnancy and ultimately I'd then factor in the child as well as the other 2 people 

Ultimately I think what she's done potentially has the least impact on the bloke but the highest impact on the child and for that reason I wouldn't say that I outright don't agree with her but it's not automatically the best action to take, maybe calling her a bitch is a bit strong but I don't see what she thought the outcome would be and how it would be anything good for anyone, other than the outcome of a child being born in to a separated family, why would she purposefully want that? Out of spite for Stevo? Personally I would put the child above him walk away and leave it 

[Seat68]

Years back, early 90s I want to say, my wife then girlfriend kissed a fella in a club. She told me and we argued for a little while, but that was it. Never even think about it on a daily **** basis now. 

[lapal_fan]

11 hours ago, chrisp65 said:

I’d rather know than not. I’m wouldn’t appreciate being deceived for what the cheating partner has decided is my own good.

I’d rather be told by my partner, because if you find out from a third party, you’ll never truly know if your partner was ever going to be truthful with you.

And that truth and trust is fundamental.

And every relationship is different. So none of the above is automatically transferable.

 

 

 

That, exactly. 

If you find out that way (3rd party), unless you're VERY mentally stable, I think most people would struggle for true trust again.  

And in any relationship, trust must be number 1, right? 

[Genie]

I wonder if this 3rd party gave the option of “tell your now ex the truth otherwise I will”. That seems slightly more reasonable. 

[lapal_fan]

31 minutes ago, Genie said:

I wonder if this 3rd party gave the option of “tell your now ex the truth otherwise I will”. That seems slightly more reasonable. 

Yea, that would be a good point.

And I know after speaking to Stevo, that he can be a real rocket polisher sometimes. 

He crashed our getaway aeroplane once and I for one have never forgiven the word removed. 

 

this 

may or may not have been on GTA V

 

video proof;

Edited August 27, 2021 by lapal_fan

[Don_Simon]

40 minutes ago, lapal_fan said:

That, exactly. 

If you find out that way (3rd party), unless you're VERY mentally stable, I think most people would struggle for true trust again.  

And in any relationship, trust must be number 1, right? 

I dont really see the difference. Whoever told the OH he cheated, he cheated. There may be shades of grey in the severity of the broken trust, but the outcome is still the same.

[HanoiVillan]

26 minutes ago, Genie said:

I wonder if this 3rd party gave the option of “tell your now ex the truth otherwise I will”. That seems slightly more reasonable. 

I don't really see why this person is in a position to be blackmailing people. Her concern about the state of his relationship seems to have blossomed quite late in the day to be honest, I'm afraid I'm in team 'this was a dick move'.

[villarule123]

32 minutes ago, Genie said:

I wonder if this 3rd party gave the option of “tell your now ex the truth otherwise I will”. That seems slightly more reasonable. 

I was going to say this.

@lapal_fan that video is amazing.

[lapal_fan]

1 minute ago, villarule123 said:

I was going to say this.

@lapal_fan that video is amazing.

My futile attempt at reversing that **** prison bus man.. 

 

[Genie]

19 minutes ago, HanoiVillan said:

I don't really see why this person is in a position to be blackmailing people. Her concern about the state of his relationship seems to have blossomed quite late in the day to be honest, I'm afraid I'm in team 'this was a dick move'.

It’s still a dick move, but just slightly less dickish. She chose to do it herself for maximum drama.

[Stevo985]

50 minutes ago, Genie said:

I wonder if this 3rd party gave the option of “tell your now ex the truth otherwise I will”. That seems slightly more reasonable. 

She didn't

[Genie]

2 minutes ago, Stevo985 said:

She didn't

As suspected, it was purely self indulgent then. What a bitch.