Stevo985 Posted August 25, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted August 25, 2021 1 hour ago, Mark Albrighton said: In fairness, Stevo didn’t say this woman was his ex’s friend. The way Ben has written it, it comes across like this woman wanted something “proper” with Ben, he doesn’t, she finds out his girlfriend is pregnant, then let’s the cat out of the bag out of spite. Maybe I have the wrong end of the stick and the ex and the other woman are (were) good friends, but it doesn’t read like that’s a given. No you've got it pretty much spot on. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted August 25, 2021 Share Posted August 25, 2021 Just now, Stevo985 said: They weren't friends. They've never met But yes I absolutely am the bad guy, you don't have to apologise. No, that's my bad, sorry. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Albrighton Posted August 25, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted August 25, 2021 It’s a pretty shitty thing for her to do I think. Whether one should confess to an affair, or whether you keep quiet, leaving the other person in blissful ignorance and the person who had the liaison should quietly suffer the guilt…there are valid arguments to both sides. But it’s certainly not the place for this woman to tell someone she doesn’t know. Especially as she knows a child is now involved. Spiteful. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted August 25, 2021 Share Posted August 25, 2021 Agree with @Mark Albrighton on this. The spurned woman was vindictive and spiteful in telling a pregnant woman, that she didn't know, that her partner was cheating. She had nothing to gain, but revenge. You hurt me, I'm going to destroy your world, sort of thing. Obviously doesn't make what @Stevo985 did acceptable in any way, but it should have been his decision to say something, or not. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a m ole Posted August 25, 2021 Share Posted August 25, 2021 1 hour ago, Stevo985 said: 100% I think you have to let her know in time but also be, and make it clear to her that you are, under no illusion that it’s something you expect or would even understand. Has to be her choice. Best of luck and while you’ll rightly be beating yourself up and hearing what a shitty thing to do it was, it doesn’t make you a terrible person and you made a mistake you sound ready to accept the consequences for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A'Villan Posted August 25, 2021 Share Posted August 25, 2021 You know, I see often enough, people undermine and deny almost to disqualification other peoples feelings, even their own feelings, and women are included in that. I'm not applauding what this 'mistress' has done, however nor will I swing the gavel down on her like it's my place to, especially by saying that it's not her place to speak on certain matters that have nothing to do with her. This matter has nothing to do with me. The situation is undesirable, and sensitive, best not to exacerbate the situation. Ignorance is in no way bliss, and that adage irks me, like this experience is better off being missed out on. That's a mindset I do not share. Stevo, I'm not here to pry into your life, I like you though, so I hope you can come to terms with what you have done. Because you did it for a reason. Whatever that may be, and you matter too. One thing I said to my father just two or three weeks ago, was that I understood why he did what he did and that I love him regardless. That's 25 years after he cheated, a quarter century. That's after all the emotional turmoil I've endured as I was raised by my single mother. I'm just glad at some point she channeled that rage into being the fighter that we needed her to be. Enough about me though. Honestly, if you want a chat, do yourself, her, and your soon to be world within a world a solid deed and talk about what's going on. If people's response is disappointing, let them be disappointments, you were at least true to your feelings. I'm more than happy to discuss anything with you, you're certainly someone I have time for. No hard feelings in any case. I trust you in this, I do, but wanted to offer my thoughts, obviously you'll take or leave them. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted August 25, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted August 25, 2021 59 minutes ago, A'Villan said: You know, I see often enough, people undermine and deny almost to disqualification other peoples feelings, even their own feelings, and women are included in that. I'm not applauding what this 'mistress' has done, however nor will I swing the gavel down on her like it's my place to, especially by saying that it's not her place to speak on certain matters that have nothing to do with her. This matter has nothing to do with me. I'm kind of the same now. I was really angry when she first did it but I understand why, even though I think it was nasty of her. But I'm not exactly in a position to judge people Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brumstopdogs Posted August 25, 2021 Share Posted August 25, 2021 Sorry to hear about what has happened @Stevo985 and hope it all works out for the better. The positive is the little one on the way - will be massively rewarding and life changing. Get your sleep in now! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post HanoiVillan Posted August 25, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted August 25, 2021 The bottom line is that about half of all people, men and women, cheat at some point in a monogamous relationship. It's very easy to plunge in with the moral judgements about who is a 'bad person', who has done something 'unforgivable' etc, but people are really bad at monogamy when judged by the usual societal standard, which is that one deviation from monogamy means you're a cheater. In fact, something like half of everyone reading this has cheated or will cheat at some point in the future, and in addition, some people reading this will have done things that they don't consider cheating, but that their monogamous partner would consider cheating (maybe things like fantasising about someone else during sex, getting a hard-on during a massage, flirting at a bar, whatever). Dan Savage has a good line about how we treat monogamy like virginity - you are a virgin until you have sex, then you can never be a virgin again; you are monogamous until you cheat, then you can never not be a cheater again - when really it should be like sobriety, ie you can be sober and then you can fall off the wagon, but if you stop drinking then you're sober again. (There's an example of him talking about monogamy in this video from 31 minutes; I think the whole video is great and I think it's the right way to view sex, but it's (verbally) NSFW so be warned if you're in the office: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brZIb4MG8oA ) Some advice I think is good, but which is hard to remember when you're in the midst of infidelity drama, is that cheating is a thing someone has done, not a thing a person is (or not necessarily anyway; clearly there are some people who seem to actually revel in breaking monogamous commitments), and that the thing itself is not an uncommon thing to do. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fruitvilla Posted August 25, 2021 Share Posted August 25, 2021 (edited) 2 hours ago, Stevo985 said: I'm kind of the same now. I was really angry when she first did it but I understand why, even though I think it was nasty of her. But I'm not exactly in a position to judge people Firstly ... judging people, her, yourself even, is a waste of time. But it does show she had a trait in her that you likely did not like. Understanding that there are causes ... a myriad of causes, some of them competing for our actions is a good start, I think. afterthought Would would be the "causes" that would make your wife to consider renewing the relationship? As to getting back together with your wife ... I wish you all the best in that endeavour. Edited August 25, 2021 by fruitvilla 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted August 26, 2021 Share Posted August 26, 2021 9 hours ago, HanoiVillan said: The bottom line is that about half of all people, men and women, cheat at some point in a monogamous relationship. Indeed. Long time VT members might remember the name "Toonlass"... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HanoiVillan Posted August 26, 2021 Share Posted August 26, 2021 1 minute ago, rjw63 said: Indeed. Long time VT members might remember the name "Toonlass"... That may be before my time; what happened there? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted August 26, 2021 Share Posted August 26, 2021 Just now, HanoiVillan said: That may be before my time; what happened there? heh, not sure I should go there. She was a Newcastle fan after all (but not a Jawdee). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted August 26, 2021 Share Posted August 26, 2021 26 minutes ago, rjw63 said: heh, not sure I should go there. She was a Newcastle fan after all (but not a Jawdee). You can't do that you big fanny tease! Spill the bean. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Designer1 Posted August 26, 2021 VT Supporter Share Posted August 26, 2021 34 minutes ago, rjw63 said: Indeed. Long time VT members might remember the name "Toonlass"... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post rjw63 Posted August 26, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted August 26, 2021 42 minutes ago, lapal_fan said: You can't do that you big fanny tease! Spill the bean. Well...she joined this site as a Jawdee fan. We got chatting via PM, next thing I know I'm getting a load of tasty nude pics in my inbox. It was pretty obvious what she wanted, so I gave it to her. All in my murky past, I don't do shit like that anymore 1 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted August 26, 2021 Share Posted August 26, 2021 5 minutes ago, rjw63 said: Well...she joined this site as a Jawdee fan. We got chatting via PM, next thing I know I'm getting a load of tasty nude pics in my inbox. It was pretty obvious what she wanted, so I gave it to her. All in my murky past, I don't do shit like that anymore And now she's a Sunderland fan? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Xela Posted August 26, 2021 Popular Post Share Posted August 26, 2021 6 hours ago, rjw63 said: Well...she joined this site as a Jawdee fan. We got chatting via PM, next thing I know I'm getting a load of tasty nude pics in my inbox. It was pretty obvious what she wanted, so I gave it to her. All in my murky past, I don't do shit like that anymore Then she got something in her box (KW.gif) AMIRITE lads? Lads? 2 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted August 26, 2021 Share Posted August 26, 2021 Rob is the man 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted August 26, 2021 Share Posted August 26, 2021 1 hour ago, Rugeley Villa said: Rob is the man Not all heroes wear capes. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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