Rugeley Villa Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 1 minute ago, HanoiVillan said: That's shitty, I'm sorry to hear that pal. Tbf I don't feel anything at the moment. Obviously I don't want this to be happening, but I'm just past caring. I want to be with her and want to keep the family unit which is incredibly important to me, but I'm just worn out with everything at the moment. I can always find the energy and love for my kids but I'm struggling with my wife which is sad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post MakemineVanilla Posted June 25, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted June 25, 2017 8 minutes ago, Rugeley Villa said: Tbf I don't feel anything at the moment. Obviously I don't want this to be happening, but I'm just past caring. I want to be with her and want to keep the family unit which is incredibly important to me, but I'm just worn out with everything at the moment. I can always find the energy and love for my kids but I'm struggling with my wife which is sad. She's jet-lagged which means she is exhausted and has no defence against her insecurities brought on by her separation from you and the kids. You too have been in pain after your operation and so will be equally vulnerable. Give it a couple of days and you'll both feel differently as your better selves will reassert themselves. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 4 minutes ago, MakemineVanilla said: She's jet-lagged which means she is exhausted and has no defence against her insecurities brought on by her separation from you and the kids. You too have been in pain after your operation and so will be equally vulnerable. Give it a couple of days and you'll both feel differently as your better selves will reassert themselves. That's how it started. She said she was tired and was being ratty and I made a remark about New York and it all kicked off. Hope so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 You can only bang your head against the wall for so long Ruge. Granted we only ever hear one side but from what you tell us she has done well to last this far buddy which I'm sure you know anyway. You really need to sort your life out chap, 3 kids and a wife plus house and job etc.. You aren't a kid anymore. Time to grow up and take responsibility mate but you should know you have everyone on VT's support and best wishes bud. I'm rooting for you but **** hell you need to man up now. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 Sorry to hear that pal, but as VT's own Yeats @MakemineVanilla says, its could be the jet lag, combined with the realisation that she isn't in the Big Apple anymore and back to reality. Give it is a few days. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 She's calmed down a bit and realised she was maybe a bit too hasty. We've both spoken about how we both feel and she's mentioned relationship counselling which I'm against. Paying some clearing in the woods 50 quid to sit there for an hour and talk, **** that. May as well break up hadn't we. I said that I've been unhappy for a bit which she replied well I never knew because you never talk to me about how your feeling. Obviously the drug thing came up which has completely destroyed me over the last few months. She wants me to take the problem more seriously. We love each other and both want to be happy. We have three gorgeous kids, so yeah we are talking now. I'm probably going to spend a night or two away just to give us time to reflect. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post theboyangel Posted June 25, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted June 25, 2017 Ruge, if she wants you to go to relationship counselling, then consider it. I know it sounds awful but if it gets you both talking then it's a step in the right direction. You appear to find the ability to air your issues on here so go the next step and air them to someone who really matters. If that's what it takes to get things back on track and good between you both, then surely it's worth a go? Good luck btw. 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post brommy Posted June 25, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted June 25, 2017 6 minutes ago, Rugeley Villa said: She's calmed down a bit and realised she was maybe a bit too hasty. We've both spoken about how we both feel and she's mentioned relationship counselling which I'm against. Paying some clearing in the woods 50 quid to sit there for an hour and talk, **** that. May as well break up hadn't we. I said that I've been unhappy for a bit which she replied well I never knew because you never talk to me about how your feeling. Obviously the drug thing came up which has completely destroyed me over the last few months. She wants me to take the problem more seriously. We love each other and both want to be happy. We have three gorgeous kids, so yeah we are talking now. I'm probably going to spend a night or two away just to give us time to reflect. Unless you stop taking the drugs you are taking, nothing will change. Your relationship will continue to be average/poor interspersed with big rows and breakups. A rinse and repeat cycle that will damage your relationship until it is beyond repair, all the time increasing the damage you are doing to your children (even though you deny the extent to which they are/will be affected). Stopping the drug abuse all together won't guarantee your relationship will last but it will at least give it a chance and it will definitely improve your ability to be a better father, with or without your partner. I wish you all the best bud, but it really is about time you permanently stopped your personal abuse to break the cycle for good. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davkaus Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 Yup, no idea how old your kids are, but how are you going to feel when they realise their dad is a druggie? Sort yourself out for them and for yourself regardless of what happens with your relationship. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post lapal_fan Posted June 25, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted June 25, 2017 Ruge, if you can afford to 'do coke' every weekend then you can definitely afford to spend 50 quid trying to "keep my family together" - your words. If you cannot differentiate that amount of money once a month/week or whatever, then maybe YOU'RE the one who is in the wrong. Your WIFE has asked you for that tiny bit of commitment. Yes, it's probably going to be a little embarrassing (I too don't like airing 'dirty laundry'), but **** come on mate, this is your family. Whilst your wife isn't squeaky clean, she isn't the one pissing away good money up her nose when she's bringing up BOTH OF YOUR KIDS. Drugs are an absolutely horrible thing to susceptable people - but as lots of people on here have already said - you have to want to help yourself and change! - without that, your doomed to fail. Sorry for the blunt words, you seem (sometimes!) like a decent guy, but I won't have poor, innocent kids with absolutely no choice in this this situation wasting their endless potential. You'll either kill yourself or destroy your nearest and dearest. CHANGE FFS. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 3 minutes ago, lapal_fan said: Ruge, if you can afford to 'do coke' every weekend then you can definitely afford to spend 50 quid trying to "keep my family together" - your words. If you cannot differentiate that amount of money once a month/week or whatever, then maybe YOU'RE the one who is in the wrong. Your WIFE has asked you for that tiny bit of commitment. Yes, it's probably going to be a little embarrassing (I too don't like airing 'dirty laundry'), but **** come on mate, this is your family. Whilst your wife isn't squeaky clean, she isn't the one pissing away good money up her nose when she's bringing up BOTH OF YOUR KIDS. Drugs are an absolutely horrible thing to susceptable people - but as lots of people on here have already said - you have to want to help yourself and change! - without that, your doomed to fail. Sorry for the blunt words, you seem (sometimes!) like a decent guy, but I won't have poor, innocent kids with absolutely no choice in this this situation wasting their endless potential. You'll either kill yourself or destroy your nearest and dearest. CHANGE FFS. This Do the counselling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 1 hour ago, theboyangel said: Ruge, if she wants you to go to relationship counselling, then consider it. I know it sounds awful but if it gets you both talking then it's a step in the right direction. You appear to find the ability to air your issues on here so go the next step and air them to someone who really matters. If that's what it takes to get things back on track and good between you both, then surely it's worth a go? Good luck btw. Been to one before and had a bad experience. Talking online is different to being sat in a room with a stranger and your wife talking about shit you don't feel comfortable with. Maybe I could try it again. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 1 hour ago, brommy said: Unless you stop taking the drugs you are taking, nothing will change. Your relationship will continue to be average/poor interspersed with big rows and breakups. A rinse and repeat cycle that will damage your relationship until it is beyond repair, all the time increasing the damage you are doing to your children (even though you deny the extent to which they are/will be affected). Stopping the drug abuse all together won't guarantee your relationship will last but it will at least give it a chance and it will definitely improve your ability to be a better father, with or without your partner. I wish you all the best bud, but it really is about time you permanently stopped your personal abuse to break the cycle for good. I'm in the process of getting clean or atleast trying. It's not that I've done anything in particular it's just a build up of the drugs, drink, no love, no emotion etc. I do realise now that drugs make me miserable and I'm glad I can see I for what it is. I go through depression when trying to get clean and that of course has a negative impact on my relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 1 hour ago, Davkaus said: Yup, no idea how old your kids are, but how are you going to feel when they realise their dad is a druggie? Sort yourself out for them and for yourself regardless of what happens with your relationship. I don't look at myself as a druggie but yes that's what I am. Shameful really. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brommy Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 Just now, Rugeley Villa said: I'm in the process of getting clean or atleast trying. It's not that I've done anything in particular it's just a build up of the drugs, drink, no love, no emotion etc. I do realise now that drugs make me miserable and I'm glad I can see I for what it is. I go through depression when trying to get clean and that of course has a negative impact on my relationship. You know it's not going to be easy but unless you succeed you won't be giving your life a chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post chrisp65 Posted June 25, 2017 Popular Post Share Posted June 25, 2017 meh, rehab is for quitters 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 36 minutes ago, lapal_fan said: Ruge, if you can afford to 'do coke' every weekend then you can definitely afford to spend 50 quid trying to "keep my family together" - your words. If you cannot differentiate that amount of money once a month/week or whatever, then maybe YOU'RE the one who is in the wrong. Your WIFE has asked you for that tiny bit of commitment. Yes, it's probably going to be a little embarrassing (I too don't like airing 'dirty laundry'), but **** come on mate, this is your family. Whilst your wife isn't squeaky clean, she isn't the one pissing away good money up her nose when she's bringing up BOTH OF YOUR KIDS. Drugs are an absolutely horrible thing to susceptable people - but as lots of people on here have already said - you have to want to help yourself and change! - without that, your doomed to fail. Sorry for the blunt words, you seem (sometimes!) like a decent guy, but I won't have poor, innocent kids with absolutely no choice in this this situation wasting their endless potential. You'll either kill yourself or destroy your nearest and dearest. CHANGE FFS. It's not about the money mate, it's just the fact that I don't think it will do any good. Mate the guilt I feel the following day when I look at my kids destroys me, but obviously I quickly forget about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 4 minutes ago, brommy said: You know it's not going to be easy but unless you succeed you won't be giving your life a chance. I know mate. Never ever thought I'd end up where I am and feel so consumed by something like I do. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PompeyVillan Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 You're brave being so open on here Ruge, knowing full well that you're putting yourself up for criticism and you take it like a gent. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted June 25, 2017 Share Posted June 25, 2017 11 minutes ago, PompeyVillan said: You're brave being so open on here Ruge, knowing full well that you're putting yourself up for criticism and you take it like a gent. I don't see it as brave and I don't do it for attention, although being an addict I can be self centred and extremely selfish, but that's no excuse. I'm in the wrong mate, I've got three kids and I'm 34 not 21. I should be over the drug thing now as I took shit loads in my 20s. I'm open to criticism and I know all you lot on here are a good bunch. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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