Are you comparably compassionate or callous?

[Marka Ragnos]

Are you comparably compassionate or callous?

I'm very interested in how people attempt to answer this (purposely oversimplified) question.

Since it's decidedly not a public poll, answers may be a little less coloured by people's self-presentation among Villa Talk peers. I think a "public" poll would be interesting, too, but might include a lot of posturing (which is fair enough). All that said, please feel free to reveal and explain yourself below.

[Marka Ragnos]

I think I'm often considered compassionate, but I've surprised myself at how brutally cold I can be in certain instances. When 9/11 happened, I was working at a newspaper, and all I wanted to do was keep working. People were crying and stuff, and I was just like, "We need to finish the edition." So I don't know. But a lot of people say I'm compassionate, but I feel like they just don't know me very well. 

[bickster]

Most people are both, it just depends on the circumstances.

Example. 
Someone manages to assassinate  Putin- I’m completely not arsed

Someone manages to assassinate Zelensky- that would bother me

[fruitvilla]

I just voted callous ... in that I am more neutral than indifferent. I am not saying I don't have mirror neurons just that I think of myself as rational than emotional. 

 

 

 

Difficult to explain.

[ender4]

I’m not callous. I’m probably not that compassionate compared to some others. So I’m probably somewhere in the middle or maybe neither.

I’d like to be kinder than I think I am, and have been making a conscious effort since Covid to be.

[villa4europe]

Compassionate for friends, family, people within my life

Callous with people and things that arent

Same with empathy and sympathy, I'm under no illusion just how shitty the world is for the vast majority of people in it and dont see the benefit to my mental health to open myself up to things that I have no direct impact on, shut it all out, the Queen now being a prime example, I'm completely cold to it all by choice

I do like to think that then means I am usually kind, polite and well mannered to people because you never know what's going on in strangers lives 

[leemond2008]

Callous, I struggle with normal emotions, I find it tough to feel sympathy for people in most situations, someone dies close to them, I find it difficult to feel sorry for them, I put a good show on because I know that is what you are supposed to do but inside, I very rarely feel anything.

The one thing that I will say though, those two girls that were killed recently (the one that was stabbed outside the shop and the one that was shot in Liverpool) that did genuinely upset me to read about it, a few years back it wouldn't have bothered me at all, maybe I'm actually starting to soften in my old age I don't know.

It isn't even a case of softening, its just the way that I am, the last time I was truly upset was when my dog died, that broke my heart, that was about 7 years ago now...maybe even a little more.

 

[KentVillan]

Think I can be both, like most people. Can be a bit quick to rise to perceived slights or injustices, but don’t really bear grudges and don’t like to see anyone in a bad way.

But also fairly cynical about how the world works, how people get ahead, how selfish people can be.

And sometimes (probably too often) overstep the mark with jokes and digs. Think it’s harmless banter and it offends someone or catches them at a bad moment.

I don’t know, it’s all shades of grey isn’t it. There’s a very big spectrum between Vladimir Putin and the Dalai Lama, and most people deserve a certain amount of compassion most of the time… but are also capable of being pretty mean and unfair… or just stupid / reckless / incompetent… and if that impacts upon other people, then you can’t always completely roll over for people.

Getting that balance right all the time is very difficult. Better to err on the side of compassion if you can, but I understand why some people’s life experiences make them err on the side of being tough and untrusting.

At work I’m compassionate with colleagues but our key client is a massive snake who routinely reneges on promises and talks down fees. We make a lot of money off them so just have to suck it up, but that’s the kind of situation where I haven’t found compassion/empathy to be particularly useful. Better to think “how is this **** word removed trying to **** me” and planning around it, while smiling politely.

 

[rjw63]

Pretty much zero empathy or sympathy for humans, yet I get upset when animals get run over out here in the sticks. Work that out... 

[HongKongVillan]

Weird one for me. I had to make someone who I worked for 2 months only redundant recently, and deep down I was quite upset by it even though there wasn't much I could have done. But then again, I'm one of those who just move on from things very quickly, does it make me Callous? I selected callous. 

[PussEKatt]

I agree with bickster,.As far as the above post goes.I was a forman at work and every single person that I had to sack,deserved it because I always gave them a couple of warnings first.

[Amsterdam_Neil_D]

13 hours ago, rjw63 said:

Pretty much zero empathy or sympathy for humans, yet I get upset when animals get run over out here in the sticks. Work that out... 

I am 100% the same.  If I see for example a Elephant get abused or killed on TV,  I am about 4 different emotions all at the same time and I stop watching.  

I can watch Russian soldiers getting blown to bits all day long and not raise an eyebrow.  I could fly the drones and drop the grenades and never ever think about it again.

 

[lapal_fan]

I go out of my way to be considerate, to be helpful and to try and be as kind as I can. On Thursday I saw a lady walking incredibly slowly, so I asked her if everything was ok.

Turns out she was walking home from a shopping trip, but she was walking on an open ulcer.  I picked her trolley up and held her hand and walked her home.  On my way towards her I saw several people just walk past.  One guy came running BACK towards her when he saw me talking to her to say "I was going to help, but its too hard when I'm walking my dog.." "ok?"

When my neighbor fell over twice in the heatwave, I got to know a lady down the road called Joan.  We were talking and I found out she lives alone since her husband died and I've made an effort to be available for her.

I apologise for things that aren't my fault, I try and be funny to new people, even though I'm quite shy when around people for the first times.

I'd consider myself kinder and more empathetic than most people I see, who try to give a threatening and tough persona.  I don't get it.

However, there are instances where I do think cruel things, if I feel wronged.

I find as I get older I get more tolerant and think about other people's situations and why they may act like they are at the time.

 

[TDR V2]

I'm a fairly compassionate person, unless you're a complete and utter clearing in the woods.

I lake patience though

[theboyangel]

14 minutes ago, Talldarkandransome said:

I'm a fairly compassionate person, unless you're a complete and utter clearing in the woods.

I lake patience though

So Placid then? 

[Ingram85]

2 hours ago, PussEKatt said:

I agree with bickster,.As far as the above post goes.I was a forman at work and every single person that I had to sack,deserved it because I always gave them a couple of warnings first.

Anyone who has no sympathy for sacking someone is a word removed. They may be not very good at their job but that’s someone with a personal life, kids, a mortgage etc… no compassion for affecting those factors detrimentally makes you a clearing. Probably why most people hate their bosses. 

[rjw63]

47 minutes ago, lapal_fan said:

I go out of my way to be considerate, to be helpful and to try and be as kind as I can. On Thursday I saw a lady walking incredibly slowly, so I asked her if everything was ok.

Turns out she was walking home from a shopping trip, but she was walking on an open ulcer.  I picked her trolley up and held her hand and walked her home.  On my way towards her I saw several people just walk past.  One guy came running BACK towards her when he saw me talking to her to say "I was going to help, but its too hard when I'm walking my dog.." "ok?"

When my neighbor fell over twice in the heatwave, I got to know a lady down the road called Joan.  We were talking and I found out she lives alone since her husband died and I've made an effort to be available for her.

I apologise for things that aren't my fault, I try and be funny to new people, even though I'm quite shy when around people for the first times.

I'd consider myself kinder and more empathetic than most people I see, who try to give a threatening and tough persona.  I don't get it.

However, there are instances where I do think cruel things, if I feel wronged.

I find as I get older I get more tolerant and think about other people's situations and why they may act like they are at the time.

 

You sound really nice.

Strange, as you're a huge nobber on VT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Hobsons Choice]

16 minutes ago, Ingram85 said:

Anyone who has no sympathy for sacking someone is a word removed. They may be not very good at their job but that’s someone with a personal life, kids, a mortgage etc… no compassion for affecting those factors detrimentally makes you a clearing. Probably why most people hate their bosses. 

I've been a boss of many folks, and I can't imagine having that position without compassion. Everyone has personal issues to a lesser or greater degree, and sacking someone (which I've had to do) is a horrible experience for any right thinking boss. 

[PussEKatt]

15 minutes ago, Ingram85 said:

Anyone who has no sympathy for sacking someone is a word removed. They may be not very good at their job but that’s someone with a personal life, kids, a mortgage etc… no compassion for affecting those factors detrimentally makes you a clearing. Probably why most people hate their bosses. 

You have not thought that for one moment I might have warned him for bieng lazy,for not doing his job properly,for upsetting the rest of his team,But, most of all for completely ignoring the first 2 warnings that I gave him.Maybe I should have kept warning him indefinately so as to be a decent boss ?!

[lapal_fan]

9 minutes ago, rjw63 said:

You sound really nice.

Strange, as you're a huge nobber on VT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is my outlet