Are you comparably compassionate or callous?

[PussEKatt]

2 minutes ago, HKP90 said:

I've been a boss of many folks, and I can't imagine having that position without compassion. Everyone has personal issues to a lesser or greater degree, and sacking someone (which I've had to do) is a horrible experience for any right thinking boss. 

I have been a boss for about 30 years and I do not like it if I have to sack someone,but,you can only give a person so many warnings,then you have no choice but to sack him otherwise no one else will do their job properly.

[Ingram85]

8 minutes ago, PussEKatt said:

You have not thought that for one moment I might have warned him for bieng lazy,for not doing his job properly,for upsetting the rest of his team,But, most of all for completely ignoring the first 2 warnings that I gave him.Maybe I should have kept warning him indefinately so as to be a decent boss ?!

That’s not what I said. The topic is about a choice between being compassionate or callous. Your post alluded to a lack of compassion which means it was done callously. That’s why I posted. People lose their jobs, I get that, that wasn’t my point. If you were compassionate about it then that’s great, if you did it coldly and were glad about it that makes you a word removed. 

[HKP90]

6 minutes ago, PussEKatt said:

I have been a boss for about 30 years and I do not like it if I have to sack someone,but,you can only give a person so many warnings,then you have no choice but to sack him otherwise no one else will do their job properly.

Well yeah. It's a bad business, but sometimes it needs to be done. As long as it's done in the right way it can be good for all involved.

[Ingram85]

6 minutes ago, PussEKatt said:

I have been a boss for about 30 years and I do not like it if I have to sack someone,but,you can only give a person so many warnings,then you have no choice but to sack him otherwise no one else will do their job properly.

There you go, so you did care as it doesn’t feel nice to do it. Your original post made it sound like you enjoyed doing it. That was all I was saying. You’re not a word removed .

[Rds1983]

It's not a black and white choice. Everyone is compassionate and callous to varying degrees and in different situations. 

[OutByEaster?]

22 hours ago, Marka Ragnos said:

Are you comparably compassionate or callous?

I'm very interested in how people attempt to answer this (purposely oversimplified) question.

I'll respond in kind, with a purposely oversimplified answer.

Yes.

 

[El Zen]

I thought I was a very compassionate person, but a recent post in a different thread made me take a long, hard look at myself and realise I’m actually a terrible person.

[Talldarkandransome]

2 hours ago, theboyangel said:

So Placid then? 

Did that without me glasses on

[ender4]

4 hours ago, HKP90 said:

I've been a boss of many folks, and I can't imagine having that position without compassion. Everyone has personal issues to a lesser or greater degree, and sacking someone (which I've had to do) is a horrible experience for any right thinking boss. 

I try to give staff as many chances as I can… to the point other staff threaten to quit if they have to keep working with them… but in the end some people just aren’t interested in working while at work and you have to end up sacking them. 

[Xela]

I think i'm genuinely compassionate. I'll always be polite and understanding with new people I meet and i'm loyal to friends. 

**** around with me or try and do me over, then I'll cut you off and thats it. Perhaps a little bit callous, but no time for people who aren't genuine. 

[ender4]

On 18/09/2022 at 19:20, Marka Ragnos said:

Are you comparably compassionate or callous?

I'm very interested in how people attempt to answer this (purposely oversimplified) question.

Since it's decidedly not a public poll, answers may be a little less coloured by people's self-presentation among Villa Talk peers. I think a "public" poll would be interesting, too, but might include a lot of posturing (which is fair enough). All that said, please feel free to reveal and explain yourself below.

So are you going to tell us what this means and why you asked?

[Marka Ragnos]

1 hour ago, ender4 said:

So are you going to tell us what this means and why you asked?

Oh, @ender4, I wish I had some interesting answer for your understandable question. I'm fascinated by the subject because I find it confusing and tricky, and particularly by British people from the Midlands and questions of social ethics, etc. probably down to deep daddy issues or something Freud would better answer. I do like to hear about how you all think. Overall, after reading the responses, I feel like you lot are generally a very kindly group who struggle with difficult people just like the rest of the world. Maybe even nicer than most.

Edited September 20, 2022 by Marka Ragnos

[lapal_fan]

 

8 minutes ago, Marka Ragnos said:

Oh, @ender4, I wish I had some interesting answer for your understandable question. I'm fascinated by the subject because I find it confusing and tricky, and particularly by British people from the Midlands and questions of social ethics, etc. probably down to deep daddy issues or something Freud would better answer. I do like to hear about how you all think. Overall, after reading the responses, I feel like you lot are generally a very kindly group who struggle with difficult people just like the rest of us.

We still get arseholes, like @rjw63 in the grealish thread

I think people are generally tolerant of poor behaviour, and are generally reluctant to call the offenders out on their arseholery.  Especially compared to Americans who love to shout people down "what an asshole!" if mildly inconvenienced.  

I guess we'd rather the idiot say his piece and then be on his merry way, rather than "dealing with them".  There are risks to calling people out that don't need to be realised.

We moan about stuff AFTERWARDS, like cowards of course.

Saying all that, there is something Brits have in them when called upon we all stand up and want to be counted on.. I think generally being seen as a good team player is a British trait.

[Marka Ragnos]

31 minutes ago, lapal_fan said:

....

I guess we'd rather the idiot say his piece and then be on his merry way, rather than "dealing with them".  There are risks to calling people out that don't need to be realised. 

Reminds me of a line from that famous Desiderata prose poem from the 1920s: 

Quote

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. 

Plus, British people are like the funniest on earth maybe, at least in my experience. 

Edited September 20, 2022 by Marka Ragnos

[lapal_fan]

52 minutes ago, Marka Ragnos said:

Reminds me of a line from that famous Desiderata prose poem from the 1920s: 

Plus, British people are like the funniest on earth maybe, at least in my experience. 

That's true of me, but @Stevo985 is incredibly dull (accountant).

I'm **** hilarious.

[Stevo985]

1 hour ago, lapal_fan said:

That's true of me, but @Stevo985 is incredibly dull (accountant).

I'm **** hilarious.

Who are you again?

[Chindie]

It's complicated. In short I'm both, but the split isn't hard and fast.

I can be incredibly compassionate, both in my own view and from what I've been told by people before. I can empathise with people quite easily, and I can be touched by things that aren't really anything to do with me directly - my girlfriend had an elderly relative die who I never met and I was upset at her upset, for instance. I have a basic stance of right and wrong, fair and unfair, morality, and when someone is on the wrong side of those I feel strongly to support them. I go out of my way to be nice to people, I'll help them where I can - I'm still the first person to give up a seat on a train or bus, I'll let someone in a rush go ahead of me in a queue in a shop, I've bought homeless people food, give change when asked, tip in many cases like at the barber. One of the things that most hurt me in a remark from someone was hearing they were afraid of me - I was devastated that someone felt I was scary, for some reason.

But I can be pretty callous. I don't have that much interest in people's personal issues, generally. In the office I really didn't take any notice of people's chat about their home lives and I didn't speak about my own. Pregnancies in the office, for instance, literally couldn't care less. People talking about their relationships, don't care. People talking about their kids, don't care. I have to make an effort to do the usual pre-meeting small talk, because I don't care, and I don't expect anyone to care about my personal life either. I'll never be the person to ask 'how are you?'. 

Further to that, I bear grudges and do not forgive easily. If I'm wronged by someone they are done as far as my going out of my way for them. A friend made what a lot of people would think is a fairly minor faux pas (or perhaps might be considered completely fine by some people) to my detriment when we were at school, the better part of 20yrs ago, but I still wouldn't ever go out of my way for them ever again, and it kinda knocked them down in my 'friendship hierarchy' from then. Not that that matters as I basically don't have friends these days.

It's interesting how much this is mirrored in the way my dad was. He was empathetic, older relatives remarked that my dad was 'open to his emotions', which I think meant he would get tearful at moments of great emotion on TV or in a film. He would help anyone, be that as simple as lending some money or as involved as doing some manual work for them. But if he was slighted, even in the smallest way, you were done in his view. A distant relative once 'forgot' they owed him a small amount money - he never spoke to then again. He asked a friend to help with a job he had on that they had expertise in, someone he'd lent his skills to before, who turned him down - that person never got help from him again and was never asked for help ever again.

I don't know if any of that is a good thing or indicative that I've got a disorder of some sort.

[A'Villan]

I am compassionate. Always.

Even in the moments where I choose to reveal that my kind and supportive approach can change swiftly to ruthless and determined fight, and any assumptions that I am inherently weak or meek as a consequence of my being gentle and giving in spirit, only serve as fuel to ignite my desire to engage the conflict so that it's dealt with as I see necessary. 

Thinking I won't go there because of my kindness, means you're less prepared when shit hits the fan and it all kicks off.

While I am capable of anything and everything that the worst of us do, it's this awareness and understanding that allows me compassion when I deal with anybody and everybody. Even the inherently evil, it's not wise to succumb to temptation and indulge anger and hate.

If I was to kill, I'd want to do it as kindly as I could. Unfortunately the word kind isn't really synonymous with killing when the executioner hasn't honed his ability to be so, unless they have a rare and natural talent for it. Without a refined ability and a circumstance that allows for it, battle and arguments are generally fairly brutal and unforgiving. When I say kill and fight here, I'm not only talking about physical combat, I also mean a task at hand or something that needs addressing.

I don't see why one must assume a certain level of degradation to be dominant. Being callous just because we are fighting someone who is dangerously unable to muster any concerns for wellbeing, hell, they may even get off on seeing it eroded and diminished, is a sure way to see that you've earned yourself an enemy for life, that's until death, you know?

It takes all kinds though and every kind has their take.

Not everyone is concerned with my values, and equally my values aren't concerned with everyone else and how they choose to live.

Edited September 21, 2022 by A'Villan

[A'Villan]

I've said for years now..

Life isn't difficult, it's what we are all here to be involved in and belong to.

It's people that are predominantly difficult.

Equally, life is fair, when you choose to be so yourself. You are after all, life. And you have influence.

 

[Xann]

Two very different ladies.