Popular Post BOF Posted March 23, 2016 Moderator Popular Post Share Posted March 23, 2016 Lapal_fan goes to the library and asks for a book about tiny penises. The librarian says "I don't think it's in yet". He says "Yes, that's the one". 12 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PussEKatt Posted March 24, 2016 Share Posted March 24, 2016 As its easter, I thought I would let all those on VT know what really happened all those years ago. God was on the cross and there was a throng of people all around him, cheering and jeering and yelling etc. God: Peter,Peter Peter was at the back and he called out,Im comming my lord Im comming and he started to fight his way through the crowd. A couple of minutes later god called out again. Peter,Peter. Peter was half way through and he answered. In comming my lord, Im comming. A few minutes later God called out again. Peter,Peter. Just then Peter burst through the throng of people.His clothes were all torn,his hair was all messed up and he was cut and bleeding.He knelt down at the foot of the cross and said. Im here my lord,Im here. God: Peter, I can see the roof of your house from here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted March 25, 2016 VT Supporter Share Posted March 25, 2016 It was Jesus on the cross... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xann Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted March 25, 2016 Share Posted March 25, 2016 4 hours ago, Stevo985 said: It was Jesus on the cross... Yeah, you kinda knew it was doomed from the start really, didn't you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post choffer Posted April 1, 2016 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted April 1, 2016 In honour of the passing of the second Ronnie yesterday, one of my favourite jokes of his: A man was marooned on a desert island. One day a beautiful woman arrives in a wet suit. 'When did you last have a smoke?' she asks. 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a cigar and he smokes it. She unzips her wet suit a bit and says, 'When did you last have a drink?' He said, 'Five years ago.' So she gets out a bottle of Scotch and he has a drink. Then she unzips her wet suit a bit more and says, 'And when was the last time you played around?' He looks at her in amazement and says: 'You're not telling me you've got a set of golf clubs in there?' 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PussEKatt Posted April 2, 2016 Share Posted April 2, 2016 John is just about to go home from work when he gets a call from his dumb blond girlfriend. Girl: Can you come over and help me with this jijsaw puzzle ? John;Im really tired, can it wait till tomorrow. Girl: I really want to at least get started tonight.Can you come over and just help me to get it started. John goes over to his girl friends place and as soon as he gets in the door he says.First of all lets get all those corn flakes back in the box.You`r never going to make a rooster out of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nobler Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 My business making clothes out of cheese has gone bust.... Turns out that fromage frays. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted April 8, 2016 Share Posted April 8, 2016 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted April 21, 2016 Share Posted April 21, 2016 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post rjw63 Posted April 22, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted April 22, 2016 When I heard that they had found a cure for dyslexia, it was like music to my arse. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post StefanAVFC Posted April 25, 2016 Popular Post Share Posted April 25, 2016 How do you think the unthinkable? With an itheberg 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted April 27, 2016 Share Posted April 27, 2016 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidcow Posted April 27, 2016 VT Supporter Share Posted April 27, 2016 (edited) What do you call a tramp without legs? A low down bum Edited April 27, 2016 by sidcow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted April 28, 2016 VT Supporter Share Posted April 28, 2016 (edited) There's been reports of a man attacking a cow in a rice field armed only with two small porcelain figures. It's possible this is the first real life case of a knick knack paddy whack I'm sorry Edited April 28, 2016 by Stevo985 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted April 28, 2016 VT Supporter Share Posted April 28, 2016 8 minutes ago, Stevo985 said: There's been reports of a man attacking a cow in a rice field armed only with two small porcelain figures. It's possible this is the first real life case of a knick knack paddy whack I'm sorry Contrived to avoid the more obvious Irish joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 On 22/04/2016 at 18:52, rjw63 said: When I heard that they had found a cure for dyslexia, it was like music to my arse. I thought I had " sex daily" , until I realised I had " dyslexia" What does an agnostic, dyslexic insomniac think of in the middle of the night? " Is there a dog?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ Posted April 28, 2016 Share Posted April 28, 2016 Walking along the beach, as you do, I spotted an old style coke bottle had been washed up. I picked it up and gave it a quick wipe, when out flies this genie! he says that due to cutbacks, I cant have the standard 3 wishes, but instead I have a choice. I can either have the greatest memory in living history, or a 14 inch penis. I have no recollection of what I chose. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted June 2, 2016 VT Supporter Share Posted June 2, 2016 I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Lifeboats Posted June 2, 2016 Share Posted June 2, 2016 Randy Lerner was driving along the motorway and suddenly pulls over to the side of the road, jumps out of the car and bursts into tears. By an amazing coincidence a coach of Villa fans sees this happen and stops to see what's going on. "I'm ruined" wails Randy. "My wife left me and took half my money. I had to sell my father's business, I ruined the Cleveland Browns and lost a load of money. Then I did the same with the Villa. I'm a laughing stock and haven'the got a cent to my name. I was going to drive to a secluded spot and end it all by pouring petrol over myself and setting myself alight. But I can't even do that right. I'm out of petrol." The Villa fans generously held a whip round for Randy to help him out. Do you know how much they raised? 27 litres of unleaded. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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