StigVillan Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 they reckon John Lennon would have loved online shopping........ Imagine all the paypal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wainy316 Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 they reckon John Lennon would have loved online shopping........ Imagine all the paypal I'm going to type the acronym 'lol' for the first time in my life. Bravo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post villa4europe Posted October 14, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted October 14, 2013 Chinese takeaway £14. Petrol to pick it up £2. Getting home to discover the bastards have forgot to put one of the containers in... Rice less. 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted October 15, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted October 15, 2013 I came home after a night out with work. "You're early," my wife sneered. "I thought you'd be out all night flirting with that Tracy." "Actually, she invited me back to her place, but I said there's no point going for a burger when I can have steak at home." "Aww, you do love me really, don't you..." "Shut up and cook me a steak." 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted October 15, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted October 15, 2013 (edited) I was giving my young son a wash when all of a sudden he shat in the tub. "Bath turd!" I yelled as he sat there giggling. Little fecker wont laugh so much when i fix my lisp! Edited October 15, 2013 by Nigel 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post stewiek2 Posted October 15, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted October 15, 2013 SSN Breaking news: a man was reported to be selling burning effigees of Wayne Rooney outside Wembley stadium tonight. However, on closer inspection police say it was a baked potato stall. 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyh29 Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 Kate and Gerry McCann insisted on manning the phones themselves last night after the Crimewatch appeal, but they apparently missed a vital call when the kidnapper phoned in - they were grabbing a beer and burger at the Wetherspoon over the road. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meath_Villan Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Why did Lt. Uhura cry?Because William Shatner Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meath_Villan Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Got in touch with my inner self today.... last time I buy cheap toilet paper.... Broke into the home of a Goodfellas actor, but got caught by his children. I'd have got away with it too, if it wasn't for those Pesci kids. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meath_Villan Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 How easy is it to get a fat girl into bed ?A piece of cake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Kate and Gerry McCann insisted on manning the phones themselves last night after the Crimewatch appeal, but they apparently missed a vital call when the kidnapper phoned in - they were grabbing a beer and burger at the Wetherspoon over the road. *Maddie McCann turns up at Kate and Gerry's press conference* "... I just got a double cheeseburger for 99p" *Reporters nod approvingly* 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFCforever1991 Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted October 18, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted October 18, 2013 I got stopped in the street by an American with a bank card. He said, "Which way is Natwest?" I said, "East." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StigVillan Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 http://www.bcfc.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnbull Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 http://www.bcfc.com Heard it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StigVillan Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 http://www.bcfc.com Heard it. Bugger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyh29 Posted October 18, 2013 Share Posted October 18, 2013 Harold Shipman will be spinning in his grave when he sees how many grannies British Gas murder this winter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 It happened at a New York Airport. This is hilarious. I wish I had the guts of this girl. An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probablydeserved to fly as cargo. For all of you out there who have had to deal with an irate customer, this one is for you. A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, “I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.” The agent replied, “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these folks first; and then I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.” The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?” Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. “May I have your attention, please?”, she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. “We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14″. With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, “F*** You!” Without flinching, she smiled and said, “I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to get in line for that, too.” 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post AVFC_Hitz Posted October 24, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted October 24, 2013 To the French man who translated 'Beaucoup' to me earlier. Thanks, it means a lot. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post tonyh29 Posted October 25, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted October 25, 2013 I've been trying to finish Alex Ferguson's autobiography, but every time I get near the end Howard Webb adds another 5 pages. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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