CarewsEyebrowDesigner Posted July 14, 2013 Share Posted July 14, 2013 V Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted July 14, 2013 Share Posted July 14, 2013 (edited) Think Mike told this one a while back, but it's one of my favourites - Werner Heisenberg is stopped for speeding on the autobahn by a police officer. “Professor Heisenberg,” the officer says, "do you know how fast you were going"?” “No,” Heisenberg replies “but I know exactly where I am" Edited July 14, 2013 by theunderstudy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted July 14, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted July 14, 2013 Wasn't me. Good one though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarewsEyebrowDesigner Posted July 14, 2013 Share Posted July 14, 2013 What's the best way to carve wood? Whittle by whittle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted July 15, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted July 15, 2013 Think Mike told this one a while back, but it's one of my favourites - Werner Heisenberg is stopped for speeding on the autobahn by a police officer. “Professor Heisenberg,” the officer says, "do you know how fast you were going"?” “No,” Heisenberg replies “but I know exactly where I am" It's half a joke. He also had Schroedinger travelling with him. The officer opens the trunk and says "Do you know you've got a dead cat back here?" Schroedinger replies "Well I do now!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villaajax Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Science has proven that neither of those jokes are funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Yup, and too often are they used by smartarses so that when the person they tell it to says they don't get it, they get that smug sense of satisfaction and can show off by explaining it. **** off witcha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8pints Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 The Killing Joke 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claretman Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 "Hi, I'm Jane," she said."I'm Christopher," I replied, "but everyone calls me Dick for short.""How do you get Dick from Christopher?" she asked."You ask nicely," I said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginko Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 The Killing Joke Even Batman lol'd if I remember correctly. Ah, Alan Moore. You write some good stuff but you're kind of a bellend. He's pretty badass though, he and his wife share a lover (female I believe). Get in there Alan, you creepy, bearded bastard. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8pints Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 The Killing Joke Even Batman lol'd if I remember correctly. Ah, Alan Moore. You write some good stuff but you're kind of a bellend. He's pretty badass though, he and his wife share a lover (female I believe). Get in there Alan, you creepy, bearded bastard. Yep you're right. About Batman laughing at it anyway. I didn't know anything about him and his wife having a lover, sounds fun though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Risso Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 Alan Moore knows the score. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tonyh29 Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 It's encouraging to see that the England women's football team plays the style of football best suited to them. Unattractive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowychap Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 (edited) Edit: It's one thing to nick your jokes from drat but Inverdale is stooping too low. Edited July 18, 2013 by snowychap 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 A woman was standing at the edge of a cliff trying to get the nerve to jump off. A homeless drunk stopped and mumbled "If you're about to kill yourself, how about a shag before you go?" The woman screamed... "No! **** off you filthy old bastard". The tramp turned to leave and said "No problems, I'll just go wait at the bottom then". 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted July 19, 2013 Share Posted July 19, 2013 A Rolls Royce pulls up in to an expensive restaurant. A sheik emerges, followed by a harem of women and a rooster. After ordering for himself and his harem, the sheik requests a basket of apples for the rooster. The rooster proceeds to eats three baskets of apples. The waiter asks the sheik about the voracious appetite of the rooster. The sheik explains "A genie granted me three wishes. My first wish was to have an endless supply of money. My second wish was to have many beautiful women. And my third wish was to have an insatiable cock". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted July 19, 2013 Moderator Share Posted July 19, 2013 Two good ones Rob Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted August 8, 2013 Share Posted August 8, 2013 I wish people would stop making so many racist jokes. I mean, growing up I had lots of black friends. Until my dad sold them. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K-Carlsen Posted August 8, 2013 Share Posted August 8, 2013 Birmingham City. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K-Carlsen Posted August 8, 2013 Share Posted August 8, 2013 A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you." 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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