regular_john Posted June 30, 2013 Share Posted June 30, 2013 The world's longest joke Actually read the whole thing (anything but revision, amiright??) and forgot I was reading a joke after about five minutes. Still quite enjoyed it though! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Troglodyte Posted June 30, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted June 30, 2013 The dogs in my area are so clumsy. I've just had to untie yet another one from a post outside the corner shop. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Troglodyte Posted June 30, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted June 30, 2013 (edited) Edit: wrong thread. Bloody tabs. Edited June 30, 2013 by Troglodyte Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwivillan Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 Edit: wrong thread. Terrible joke Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 I've just tried reading that really really really long joke, I thought I had pretty much finished it and realised that I was only just 1/4 through it and gave up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meath_Villan Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 I recently surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. Ninety Eight of them asked, "How the hell did you get into my Bathroom?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Meath_Villan Posted July 1, 2013 Share Posted July 1, 2013 The wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. ..........She hit the roof. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Troglodyte Posted July 1, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted July 1, 2013 Edit: wrong thread. Terrible joke Better than some on here! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness announced today that the climate in the UK should no longer be referred to as "English Weather". Rather than offend a sizeable portion of the UK population, it will now be referred to as "Muslim Weather". Partly Sunni, but mostly Shi'ite. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted July 4, 2013 VT Supporter Share Posted July 4, 2013 That long joke doesn't even work in British English. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Some guy told me "Denial is not just a river in Egypt, you know!" I replied "No, it's also in Tanzania, Uganda, Rwanda, Burundi, Congo, Kenya, Ethiopia, Eritrea, and Sudan, you smug word removed." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 I kept getting really strange looks in the shopping centre today, just because of the way I was carrying my bag in my left hand. Honestly, you'd think some people had never seen a scrotum before. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 This is a story to inspire you to reach for your dreams. Many years ago I came a close 2nd in the Miss Brazil 1949 competition. Later that year I emigrated and was beset by a long period of bad luck. I suffered years of drug and alcohol abuse and a series of eating disorders. I lost a leg and needed facial reconstruction surgery after a road traffic accident. Later, I suffered 90% burns in an unprovoked acid attack. Several of my teeth were knocked out and an eye gouged in a bitch fight outside a Burger King. The stress caused severe hair loss and facial warts. But I never stopped believing. And then finally last week I was crowned Miss Birmingham City FC 2013. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 Here's one for Don't Do It Doug (sorry Dave!) They say you should never take a bone out of a dogs mouth. Unless your wife walks in then you pull your trousers up and wipe the cum from around it's snout. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwivillan Posted July 4, 2013 Share Posted July 4, 2013 This is the nerdiest joke ever. Q: What does the 'B' in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stand for? A: Benoit B. Mandelbrot. Haha. Love it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarewsEyebrowDesigner Posted July 8, 2013 Share Posted July 8, 2013 What do Japanese pigeons sing? High Coos Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Folski Posted July 10, 2013 Popular Post Share Posted July 10, 2013 The first rule of thesaurus club is; you don't talk about, mention, discuss, speak about, chat about, converse about thesaurus club. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drat01 Posted July 10, 2013 Share Posted July 10, 2013 A girl from Prague stopped me in town earlier and asked where the best shop for clothes was. I told her to check Republic. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StefanAVFC Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 WHat did the Dyslexic, Agnostic, Insomniac do? Lay awake all night wondering if there's a dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PussEKatt Posted July 11, 2013 Share Posted July 11, 2013 A hillybilly family take their kids into the big city for the first time ever. they are fascinated by the sights and all the stuff around them... The father and son are at one end of a building when they notice an old woman staring at a wall. She pushes a button and a part of the wall slides aside and the old woman steps inside a small room. The wall closes up again and they see lights going on and off. Then the wall slides back again and a beautiful blond walks out. Father: Son, go fetch your maw 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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