Demitri_C Posted October 9, 2023 Share Posted October 9, 2023 29 minutes ago, Jonesy7211 said: Just a follow up on my previous posts. My wife and I had a tearful conversation when I came out of hospital last week, but the main thing is we're ok. She asked for the divorce because of how she thinks I don't respect her enough, but whilst I was in hospital it put things in perspective. No divorce. There are things I definitely need to work on though. I've always used my grandad as a big inspiration, he was my hero. I always remember him playfully teasing my grandma. Never nasty, never trying to cause harm, but just a childish teasing like asking where his tea was. He never, ever, meant it. I do the same, and for years my wife has put up with it and has had enough. There's also irony in it as I cook 90% of the time. She also cited my sense of humour as big issue, as I try to mask bad situations with humour, including things that affect her. She said she never feels supported because if it, which I understand. Regarding the illness, the problem is with my liver, not my head. Currently waiting for liver screen blood results, along with a test for different flavours of hepatitis amongst other things. Should know by the end of the week. Had every test imaginable, full body MRI, loads of CT scans, ultrasound of my liver, x-rays, and a lumbar puncture. That was the most painful experience ever. I do not recommend one. I was let out of hospital when my spiking temp finally came down and remained stable. However my blood test levels for my liver at the last count were 12 times above the normal level. I very rarely drink, but I have been on prescribed drugs that affect my liver for over 12 years, so I suspect that's the cause. Also been referred as an emergency outpatient to a liver specialist, appointment in 8 weeks. Good to see you and your wife are in a better place. Sounds like you both need to improve in areas not just you. All the best with your liver pal hope all works out for you 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KentVillan Posted October 9, 2023 Share Posted October 9, 2023 30 minutes ago, Jonesy7211 said: Just a follow up on my previous posts. My wife and I had a tearful conversation when I came out of hospital last week, but the main thing is we're ok. She asked for the divorce because of how she thinks I don't respect her enough, but whilst I was in hospital it put things in perspective. No divorce. There are things I definitely need to work on though. I've always used my grandad as a big inspiration, he was my hero. I always remember him playfully teasing my grandma. Never nasty, never trying to cause harm, but just a childish teasing like asking where his tea was. He never, ever, meant it. I do the same, and for years my wife has put up with it and has had enough. There's also irony in it as I cook 90% of the time. She also cited my sense of humour as big issue, as I try to mask bad situations with humour, including things that affect her. She said she never feels supported because if it, which I understand. Regarding the illness, the problem is with my liver, not my head. Currently waiting for liver screen blood results, along with a test for different flavours of hepatitis amongst other things. Should know by the end of the week. Had every test imaginable, full body MRI, loads of CT scans, ultrasound of my liver, x-rays, and a lumbar puncture. That was the most painful experience ever. I do not recommend one. I was let out of hospital when my spiking temp finally came down and remained stable. However my blood test levels for my liver at the last count were 12 times above the normal level. I very rarely drink, but I have been on prescribed drugs that affect my liver for over 12 years, so I suspect that's the cause. Also been referred as an emergency outpatient to a liver specialist, appointment in 8 weeks. I'll be honest with you, my assumption when you first shared all of this was that your side of the story was lacking a few details that would have explained her behaviour better. You're clearly having a tough time, especially with the health problems, but she must be too. Looks like she's left the door wide open for some conversations which could rescue and hopefully improve your marriage. Hope you make the most of that opportunity, and wish you all the best with the illness. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Lifeboats Posted October 9, 2023 Share Posted October 9, 2023 @Jonesy7211 It's great to hear that there is good news on both fronts. I hope the good news continues. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted October 9, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted October 9, 2023 Win The Day, Jonesey. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted October 9, 2023 Share Posted October 9, 2023 Great update @Jonesy7211 Hopefully it’s onwards and upwards from here. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted October 10, 2023 Share Posted October 10, 2023 Glad to hear @Jonesy7211, seems like things are on the mend. I'm very similar with my humour NOT matching my wife's humour, she gets really annoyed with some things I say, which I just think are playful. But when I think about it, I can understand why it's annoying and tiring, so I've tried to alter my humour to not have an affect on her (or the kids!). Hopefully we can both learn not to keep cracking jokes at inappropriate times! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonesy7211 Posted October 10, 2023 Share Posted October 10, 2023 1 hour ago, lapal_fan said: Glad to hear @Jonesy7211, seems like things are on the mend. I'm very similar with my humour NOT matching my wife's humour, she gets really annoyed with some things I say, which I just think are playful. But when I think about it, I can understand why it's annoying and tiring, so I've tried to alter my humour to not have an affect on her (or the kids!). Hopefully we can both learn not to keep cracking jokes at inappropriate times! I wish my wife had told me before how much it was upsetting her before it got this far. I probably should have read the signals far better, and that's also something I need to improve. I always thought of myself as a good husband who tries really hard though. I've got a lot of self-reflection to do, as I'm obviously very wrong. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StefanAVFC Posted October 10, 2023 Share Posted October 10, 2023 2 hours ago, lapal_fan said: Glad to hear @Jonesy7211, seems like things are on the mend. I'm very similar with my humour NOT matching my wife's humour, she gets really annoyed with some things I say, which I just think are playful. But when I think about it, I can understand why it's annoying and tiring, so I've tried to alter my humour to not have an affect on her (or the kids!). Hopefully we can both learn not to keep cracking jokes at inappropriate times! If you send her gay porn on Messenger on a regular basis like you do to me then I'm not surprised your humour doesn't match. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted October 10, 2023 Share Posted October 10, 2023 1 minute ago, StefanAVFC said: If you send her gay porn on Messenger on a regular basis like you do to me then I'm not surprised your humour doesn't match. Ooh, you just reminded me. Cheers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bickster Posted October 10, 2023 Moderator Share Posted October 10, 2023 3 hours ago, lapal_fan said: Glad to hear @Jonesy7211, seems like things are on the mend. I'm very similar with my humour NOT matching my wife's humour, she gets really annoyed with some things I say, which I just think are playful. But when I think about it, I can understand why it's annoying and tiring, so I've tried to alter my humour to not have an affect on her (or the kids!). Hopefully we can both learn not to keep cracking jokes at inappropriate times! You appear to have substituted VT for your wife. Please find a small heath forum 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted October 10, 2023 Share Posted October 10, 2023 7 minutes ago, bickster said: You appear to have substituted VT for your wife. Please find a small heath forum I'd be banned. You guys are too forgiving. Idiots. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomav84 Posted October 10, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted October 10, 2023 1 hour ago, Jonesy7211 said: I wish my wife had told me before how much it was upsetting her before it got this far. I probably should have read the signals far better, and that's also something I need to improve. I always thought of myself as a good husband who tries really hard though. I've got a lot of self-reflection to do, as I'm obviously very wrong. it's quite surprising that she didn't...ok, if you go on a couple of dates with someone and they have a few really annoying traits you just sack it off but when you're married you tend to work through things. sounds like things are on the mend at least though which is the main thing 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post KentVillan Posted October 10, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted October 10, 2023 4 hours ago, lapal_fan said: I'm very similar with my humour NOT matching my wife's humour, she gets really annoyed with some things I say, which I just think are playful. Shocked to hear this 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wainy316 Posted October 10, 2023 Share Posted October 10, 2023 2 hours ago, Jonesy7211 said: I wish my wife had told me before how much it was upsetting her before it got this far. I probably should have read the signals far better, and that's also something I need to improve. I always thought of myself as a good husband who tries really hard though. I've got a lot of self-reflection to do, as I'm obviously very wrong. Don't take it all on you. Sounds like she had some self reflection to do too. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KentVillan Posted October 10, 2023 Share Posted October 10, 2023 3 hours ago, tomav84 said: it's quite surprising that she didn't...ok, if you go on a couple of dates with someone and they have a few really annoying traits you just sack it off but when you're married you tend to work through things. sounds like things are on the mend at least though which is the main thing Communication breakdowns and resentment can fester for years and then you need something big and drastic to happen for everything to come out and the air to clear. I agree she didn’t handle it correctly, and that responsibility needs to be shared out and accepted equally, rather than placed on one guilty party. But feels like it’s taken a positive turn, and that’s the main thing. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugeley Villa Posted October 10, 2023 Share Posted October 10, 2023 Great news Mr Jones 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted October 10, 2023 Share Posted October 10, 2023 (edited) 8 hours ago, Jonesy7211 said: I wish my wife had told me before how much it was upsetting her before it got this far. I probably should have read the signals far better, and that's also something I need to improve. I always thought of myself as a good husband who tries really hard though. I've got a lot of self-reflection to do, as I'm obviously very wrong. Don't be too hard on yourself mate, she did cheat on you in the past. Its not a case of you being wrong and her being right. Discuss, reflect, repair and heal together. Sorry if that sounds harsh, its not meant to be, I just don't want you thinking you are to blame for everything. Edited October 10, 2023 by Xela Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jonesy7211 Posted October 10, 2023 Share Posted October 10, 2023 1 minute ago, Xela said: Don't be too hard on yourself mate, she did cheat on you in the past. Its not a case of you being wrong and her being right. Discuss, reflect, repair and heal together. I truly agree with the sentiment, but if I threw the "you cheated" line at her I'd be a eunuch in seconds. I'd agreed to move past it, so I can't do that now. I mentioned this to someone else on here in the past though, the thought of what she did never really goes away and forgiveness is a daily struggle. Also, I'd just like to take this chance to thank everyone for responding. It makes a bigger difference than you know. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leighavfc Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 (edited) Hi all really struggling too sleep tonight due to a bit of a situation I have got myself into over the last week. Quick background to the situation, I split up with my partner of 13 years around 3 months ago for the second time in last 12 months with a 3 month period of us being together again and trying to make it work. I have struggled with addiction to drugs for a while now but even more so over the last 12 months, resulting In is splitting. This last split she said would be it and there is no turning back and trying again etc as she can’t do it anymore. Basically it’s over for good. i of course was upset and down about it for a few weeks and in denial about it thought it would ease over time and me getting better etc. She is still standing firm about it all and I’ve been taken off tenancy agreement etc this time round so I know she’s not messing. We are getting on well etc and no issues but no talk of relationships etc either. It is still very early into the breakup and too so it’s not all really settled fully as of yet either. A few weeks back my best mate asked me to come to a charity football match he was playing in, during the game I found his missus and went a stood with her and a few women she was stood by. As the game went on I got chatting to one the women and we were having a laugh, bit of flirting etc. I liked her but it never even crossed my mind about anything other than the chat we was having. After the game I was going to go home but a few people said come back to the pub with us, I said to my mate il come back for a coke but I’m going shortly after as I cannot be around alcohol for too long. In the pub we continued chatting and flirting before the convo started to turn to about our love life... she was single and I told her my story... shortly after she said how about I give you my number... I told her that I wasn’t really looking for anybody or dates etc at the moment due to eveything going on. Her reply was too take her number and if and when I’m ready we can maybe arrange something then. For about a week it and she was constantly on my mind. I did like her and we had a good laugh etc on that day... and with my ex constantly reminding me that was it I decided to drop her a text... I knew I would be creating a situation that I could really do without right now. We have been talking a lot via text and phone calls and in all honesty I really really like her, looks, personality everything so far. But I just don’t know whether to pursue it further with a date etc. She’s keen to go on a date etc and part of me really wants to ... but at the same time I also get a vibe off my ex that despite what she says there will be a chance with a lot of work put in etc and in all honesty I never wanted to lose her. Bearing in mind this is just my hunch and nothing has been said to confirm this. I’m just in pure limbo as part of me wants to see what goes on with the new woman as she is somebody I could see things going well with but at the same time that will without any question be the end of me and my previous partner for good.... and I’m not even sure so soon after breaking up I’m ready for anything whilst trying to stay in recovery . im really sorry for the long message, I’ve tried to explain the situation as best as I can, and I know it’s a hard one to maybe advise or offer opinion on as I think I need to decide where I’m at... but any feedback or comments would be appreciated. Edited October 15, 2023 by leighavfc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mandy Lifeboats Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 @leighavfc I think you need to address your drug problem before moving forward with relationships. It's going to be tough time sorting yourself out. You probably will not be at your best. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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