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Irreverentad's Relationship Advice Thread


irreverentad

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right then im a bit nervous about opening myself up like this, but here it goes. before me and my mrs got together we knew of each other, I was 26 when I got with her and she was 21. we had fancied the arse off each other for years and I always wished I could get with her, but that's all it was in my eyes just a wish because she was and still is absolutely stunning. id never think she would look at me because I thought she was out of my league. im just a normal looking bloke, some women liked me and some didn't, everypne fancied my partner though. anyway we ended up getting together, at the time I was desperate to be in a relationship because id had enough of being single, id done a lot of drugs,drank a lot of booze and slept with a lot of women. but I was sick of that lifestyle and wanted to settle down . my partner had not long come out of a relationship, she was one of those people that had to be with someone. she hated being single, where I had been single for a bit. anyway I was known as a bit of a wild one and I hung around with riff raff. id been in trouble with the law and been to prison, a lot of my mates were the same. my mrs knew I was a bit of a lad but she liked it, she was a drinker and drug user at the time although she wernt addicted like me, and we used to binge a lot . its fair to say I could not handle being in a relationship with her at the start, I started drinking more to impress her and started playing the mad man to try and impress her because that's what I thought she expected. I had zero confidence without booze and drugs and could not see why she was with me, I did not have any love for myself what so ever. now I had a bad temper in my teens up until my mid 20s, I was a terrible drunk and things started getting out of control. things started getting violent between us and I was the one being violent, its fair to say when I was drunk she was scared of me. I would break down in tears after id hit her and would be a mess, I just could not deal with being in a relationship. plus id got a few issues from my childhood that were unanswered and still are to this day. no excuse I know but im just being as honest as I can. my drug use was escalating to a point which was bothering my partner so I did stop doing a few things I was doing at the time, I was heavily involved in injecting cocaine. I was really bad at one point, ive never touched heroin, cocaine was my drug. anyway a month into the relationship I stop injecting and im glad to say ive been clean from that ever since. I still crave it now and again but I know I cant go back down that road. even through all this we were in love and she ended up proposing, from when we got engaged to when we got un engaged we split up that many times it was unreal, mainly down to my drinking and being a clearing in the woods. fast forward a bit and now my partner was putting a ban on me going out or even drinking, imo she took it to far and she admits it. those few months were miserable as sin and in the end I ended up going on an all dayer which then turned into me cheating on her that night, she forgave me a week later and we got back together. fast forward a bit more and she cheated on me as payback because yet again id gone awol on a bender and she thought I was with another girl. I forgave her straight away and we tried to put all this shit behind us, the violence had stopped early in our relationship and ive never laid another finger on her since and never will again. sometimes she has attacked me in the past but I managed to control myself, id like to point out that I have gone to great lenghs to sorting out my temper and im a much better person now, don't get me wrong I still can be violent if someone pushes me to far but as a whole im very laid back now. anyway we decided we wanted kids and after 5 miscarriages which happened early in the pregnancy we eventually got lucky and had our little boy lenny, he means the world to us and is without doubt the best thing that has ever happened to us. we are both good parents I think, we have made mistakes especially me but he has a good life and upbringing. unfortunately my drug use still continued on and off and still does to this day, I only snort coke remember, I stopped injecting years ago. I admit there has been times when ive put drink and drugs infront of my family, this one time it happened my partner gpt this big blown up picture of me and my gran and ripped it up infront of me and my granddad. she purposely came up to where we were and ripped it up. she regreted it but that's the one thing I still to this day have trouble dealing with. me and my gran were very close, we were each others world. she died of a long battle with cancer 3 years ago. my partner was that angry at me she went to those lenghs to hurt me, and it did. fast forward even further and it came out that my partner had cheated again when I went off on another bender. yet again I forgave her because I loved her and still believed in us. fast forward to the last year and we have calmed down a lot and have tried to put all this behind us, the pregnancy this time was an accident but we decided to keep it and were happy about it. I hope you don't judge me or my partner for our mistakes, I haven't gone into detail about everything and I aint told everything purely because id be here all night. we have put up with a lot off each other but were still standing, we love each other and we love our family. shes helped me with my drinking and drug use and one or two other things which have happened in my life. she a caring person who adores me. I have changed a lot , I don't use drugs as much or drink as much nowadays and my temper is at a normal level. yeah we still scream and shout sometimes but that's normal. ive damaged the whole set up of my brain from heavy cocaine use. I struggle with my sex drive,emotional connection and depression at times from it. we believe we will be together forever and raise our family with a lot of love. we still have a lot of work to do to get where we want to be but im sure we will get there. ive been a bad person at times in the past but even in those bad times I wernt that bad as a person I just got messed up sometimes, I think im a much better person now and I think my partner is. sorry about the long post, just thought it would give a inside view of a turbulent relationship like ours. very nervous about peoples reactions but I wernt going to lie.

 

 

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My girlfriend's (I'm allowed to mention her in here, right?) supervisor at her work sounds like the most whipped guy I've ever heard of.

 

His wife doesn't work. yet she has total control over all of their finances. He gets pocket money every week that he's allowed to spend on whatever he likes. That was £10. It's now been cut to £5 because she wants to save for a new house.

To reiterate, she doesn't work. He brings in, at a guess, at least £40k a year. And he gets £5 a week to spend for himself.

 

He has to lie to his wife about my gf. he's told his wife that it's a bloke who works for him, not a girl, because she'd get angry.

 

They have a kid. She got pregnant when she deliberately came off the pill without consulting him.

 

He has secret takeaways. his wife doesn't let him eat them, so he goes out, buys one, and then eats it in the shed so that she can't smell it when she gets home.

 

He's not allowed to the pub. Every week he goes for the paper on a sunday and dashes to the pub and downs a pint because it's the only chance he gets.

 

They had a work meal the other week. He got a lift home from one of the women and she had to drop him down the road so that he could walk home and pretend he got a cab.

 

And finally, my gf passed him and his wife in her car the other day. Gave a beep and a wave. 

He gave her a bollocking on the Monday at work for nearly getting him in trouble. Because somebody he worked with waved at him.

 

I hate him. I've never met him. But I hate him.

Here's the latest.

 

His pocket money has been cut to nothing as she wants another baby. He has no spending money.

 

She went and got her nails done last week though and went for a spray tan because she's going on holiday next week with her mates. He's staying home to look after the kid.

 

They had a work night out on Friday. The company paid for the meal and drinks during the meal. But he couldn't afford to bring any money with him so was scared to order a beer during the meal in case they'd made a mistake and they ended up having to pay for the drinks themselves.

They were going for more drinks after, that they'd have to pay for themselves, so he couldn't go. The boss offered to buy him a beer if he went with them, but he snuck off when nobody was watching to get the bus back.

Edited by Stevo985
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That sounds like a horrible existence. I hate people that do that to their partners. You can bet she never started out olike that, she would have been turning up the heat slowly over a long period of time.
 
My wife's sister annoy's me, she talks to her bf like absolute crap, she never used too but I imagine over time she realised she could get away with it so does it all the more. 
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Rugely, would you ever consider stopping drugs all together?

Stevo, your girlfriend's supervisor sounds like he really needs to grow a pair of balls. If I was earning as much as he is, I would want a LOT more than £5 a week to spend on myself.

I spent £45 on the internet while in traffic on the way to work this morning!

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I spent £45 on the internet while in traffic on the way to work this morning!

 

Why on earth did you do that? Why not just ring the network and go onto a tarrif with a bigger data allowance?

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That's exactly where my friend is going to end up.

 

Also, another guy working with another friend of mine he's about 45, has no job, car, or home, rents a one bed apartment and has a bike, has about 40 hairs left on his head. Turns out anyway that this fairly hot 35 year old, who has a very good job has been having an affair with him, he's got absolutely nothing going for him, she's 3 kids with her husband who also has a great job, and now this guy working in a shop in a petrol station with absolutely nothing going for him has knocked her up, the husband is laughing stock of the town, and has zero intentions of leaving her, my friend has seen various home videos of her on his workmate's phone, I just can't get my head round it. 

 

Also my friend (which I may have to stop calling him soon) has instantly forgiven his cheating girlfriend and is acting like nothing happened. Fair play to her is all I can say, get's money off him, taxied everywhere, and can sleep with who she wants.

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