Childish things you can't help but laugh about.

[sidcow]

20 hours ago, May-Z said:

I will never find farts unfunny. There is no situation where I wouldn't laugh. 

Absolutely. One Christmas day we had my by then very very aged Grandfather round. 

You have to remember he was almost like the Viz Victorian Dad character when younger. So extremely stern. My Mum had toys thrown away if she left them around. Not a threat to, or taken away a while then returned. Straight into the bin. 

Anyway in the middle of Christmas Dinner he suddenly (suddenly for a man of his age) stood up randomly, but let rip a long, loud fart until he was stood up. Then slowly shuffled out of the room. 

You could see everyone around the table barely keeping it together, like the centurions in The Life of Brian. 

As soon as he left the room my Dad pipes up "Blimey, seems Grandad has developed Rocket Assist lift off". The room exploded with suppressed laughted.

Still brings a smile to my face thinking back on it now. 

Edited December 11, 2023 by sidcow

[choffer]

Hiding things in the house for the other half. 
She tells me she’s very observant so I sneak things in to see if she notices (kw). 
After a recent trip, I printed off all the selfies she made must take onto little one inch square magnets. Anything and everything that a magnet will stick to had a tiny photo of me and her stuck to it. It made me laugh, it made her sigh. Still took her five weeks to find them all and she has no idea of she’s got them all or not. 
Oh and her carefully curated Christmas tree also has some new ornaments. One of a mooning Santa and one a cat licking his bum.

I’m a 50 year old man who hides nonsense around the house for nothing but my own amusement. 

[luckyeddie]

Me and my partner have nicknames for most of our neighbours. Some are

Captain Cockwash (no blind at his bathroom window when he has a shower) 

Sheila (from Shameless as he cleans like he's on speed) 

Uncle Colm (from Derry Girls as she is boring) 

Lilo Lil (from Bread as she is a tart)

Peter (Stringfellow, as he is 80 years old and walks round his garden in just Speedos in summer)

Maffu (his name is Matthew and is a bit thick)

Olive (Oyl from Popeye as she is very tall and skinny)

[Genie]

2 minutes ago, luckyeddie said:

Me and my partner have nicknames for most of our neighbours. Some are

Captain Cockwash (no blind at his bathroom window when he has a shower) 

Sheila (from Shameless as he cleans like he's on speed) 

Uncle Colm (from Derry Girls as she is boring) 

Lilo Lil (from Bread as she is a tart)

Peter (Stringfellow, as he is 80 years old and walks round his garden in just Speedos in summer)

Maffu (his name is Matthew and is a bit thick)

Olive (Oyl from Popeye as she is very tall and skinny)

I posted similar a while back. 

We’ve created alternative personalities for them all too.

 

[fightoffyour]

2 hours ago, sidcow said:

My father in law used to insist to Mrs Sidcow that sheep had longer front legs than rear legs so they could stand up properly on hills. 

That’s haggis not sheep. If you want to catch them just chase them up to the peak and they’ll just tumble over when they’re in the wrong side.

[Seat68]

We have in this house a drawer for the stick on Googly eyes. 

[blandy]

11 hours ago, May-Z said:

I will never find farts unfunny. There is no situation where I wouldn't laugh. 

There was a bloke at work (RIP Phil) who farted a lot. It would go like this: loud raspberry parp.  Phil goes bright red, starts giggling sheepishly, shoulders heaving. Everyone else “kinell Phil”.

someone put a magic tree air freshener on his chair.

[Wainy316]

Wee wee willies and poo poo bums!

[mjmooney]

1 hour ago, Wainy316 said:

Wee wee willies and poo poo bums!

 

[Anthony]

14 hours ago, sidcow said:

Oh, also from my father. When playing monopoly it's Pickawilly for Piccadilly and Free Farting for Free Parking. 

Always Pick a Willy for me too.

Also St Ockwell and St Reatham.

Vauxhall is pronounced Vaux Halles, like French.

It's like I can't not do it.

I think my other half finds it mildly entertaining, but also completely exhausting.

[bickster]

18 minutes ago, Anthony said:

Vauxhall is pronounced Vaux Halles, like French

Vawe Al?

[Anthony]

1 minute ago, bickster said:

Vawe Al?

Bloody Philistine.

[colhint]

What. he's a stamp collector too.

[sidcow]

5 minutes ago, colhint said:

What. he's a stamp collector too.

Reminds me of the playground stunt. 

"Do you collect stamps?" 

"Yes" 

"Have this one then" 

Stamp on their foot. 

[mjmooney]

15 minutes ago, sidcow said:

Reminds me of the playground stunt. 

"Do you collect stamps?" 

"Yes" 

"Have this one then" 

Stamp on their foot. 

Bloody hell, I'd forgotten that one. 

[Chindie]

Something that comes to mind that always makes me smile when I think of it.

I had started a new job. In my first week another person on the team was leaving, a middle aged woman who was very nice but the definition of a cuddly toy lady - didn't have a sharp edge on her, been with partner for many years, no kids and sex was safest when it happened to other people kind of person. She was clearly at that point where nobody is going to give her anything important to do so she was in charge of getting all the kit, back office stuff etc ready for me when I joined. Which she did - literally the only job I've ever had where I walked in and the computer was there, working, and I could actually log in and access the stuff I needed to when I sat down without needing to call 15 departments to get passwords etc.

Anyway at the end of the week it was decided they'd do a leaving lunch thing, so we all went down to a local restaurant and had an extended lunch on the corporate card and did all the send off stuff, and it was also a chance for me to get to know people more personally. So the meal is had, we all chat and whatnot, and as it's winding down the leaving person gives a bit of a proto-speech about how lovely things have been and how nice everyone is and they'll miss us all and it's lovely to have a new person coming in etc etc. All very nice. She then acknowledged me and 'and you've got all your equipment and it's working properly?' to which I quickly responded 'well that's a very personal question...' and smiled, which had the entire table absolutely roaring and the leaving lady go a very, very, very distinctly bright red and look for all the world like she wanted to disappear. I actually felt bad a little because she was clearly the kind of person who would never, ever make even a slightly risque joke, so on the way back to the office apologised, which wasn't really needed but she was so embarrassed it felt right. Became one of those office stories after that, remember when that happened kind of thing.

[DaveAV1]

3 hours ago, blandy said:

There was a bloke at work (RIP Phil) who farted a lot. It would go like this: loud raspberry parp.  Phil goes bright red, starts giggling sheepishly, shoulders heaving. Everyone else “kinell Phil”.

someone put a magic tree air freshener on his chair.

My mate is a noted farter at home, at work and in the pub noted for both volume in sound and the horrendous stink he can proudly produce. His wife still loves him though! Although he pushes his luck at times. He largely blames me if he gets home late and/or particularly pissed! His reason being, in his own words, “she can see no fault in you”  and so instead of convincing her otherwise he uses my status as resident angel, to his advantage! My wife holds him in similar esteem but he’s careful never to inflict his rancid farts on her, which for the same self preservation reasons I encourage too! That and we’re often all in the same car together!

[DaveAV1]

4 hours ago, blandy said:

There was a bloke at work (RIP Phil) who farted a lot. It would go like this: loud raspberry parp.  Phil goes bright red, starts giggling sheepishly, shoulders heaving. Everyone else “kinell Phil”.

someone put a magic tree air freshener on his chair.

I also used to know a bloke who due ro the end of his todger getting narrower at times, could generate very high pressure piss and could piss over the top of the cubicle in the pub toilet. You had to keep an eye on who’d gone to the bog before you went  so you could stay away from the trap in his range! He was also quite horsey and used to drive horse carriages like Prince Philip who he was friends with. I’ve heard stories of him winning bets with people l, not the Duke of Edinburgh, that he could clear his horse box with a piss. He was one of those blokes who could make you laugh,  just by walking into the room, usually a pub! He was a successful industrialist so he had a few quid and used to have an impressive collection of Jags and would often drive a very nice,  wire wheel, red E Type. He also claimed when he bought his wife a new Jag estate, that it was saving him a fortune as she could get much fewer plants in the Jag, on a trip to the garden centre, than she used to get in her Mitsubishi pick up! Man maths at it’s finest!

Edited December 11, 2023 by DaveAV1

[Seat68]

3 minutes ago, DaveAV1 said:

I also used to know a bloke who due ro the end of his todger getting narrower at times, could generate very high pressure piss and could piss over the top of the cubicle in the pub toilet. You had to keep an eye on who’d gone to the big before you went  son you could stay away from the trap in his range! He was also quite horsey and used to drive horse carriages like Prince Philip who he was friends with. I’ve heard stories of him winning bets with people l, not the Duke of Edinburgh, that he could clear his horse box with a piss. He was one of those blokes who could make you laugh,  just by walking into the room, usually a pub! 

[Xann]

An Anus appeared at the end of the road.

Then they were everywhere.