Risso Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 This morning while looking for a clean shirt I found my wife's secret diary. I was both delighted and aroused to read about her rough and dirty sexual fantasies, all involving anal. That was of course until I remembered she's dyslexic and my best mate's name is Alan. Ha ha, cracker! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted February 3, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted February 3, 2011 This morning while looking for a clean shirt I found my wife's secret diary. I was both delighted and aroused to read about her rough and dirty sexual fantasies, all involving anal. That was of course until I remembered she's dyslexic and my best mate's name is Alan. This is not a joke, it's true - I once had a mate (and I'm sorry guys, but he WAS Irish) who genuinely, honestly, thought that allen keys were called "anal keys". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mtb_wm Posted February 3, 2011 Share Posted February 3, 2011 I was shagging this fat bird last night. "Can I switch the light off?" "Why are you embarrassed?" she replied, "No, the bulbs burning my arse!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brumerican Posted February 4, 2011 Share Posted February 4, 2011 The Chinese version of Glee is very depressing, one of the songs they sing on that show is 'Don't Stop Bereaving'. (SICKIPEDIA) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted February 4, 2011 Moderator Share Posted February 4, 2011 This is not a joke, it's true - I once had a mate (and I'm sorry guys, but he WAS Irish) who genuinely, honestly, thought that allen keys were called "anal keys" How could he sphinc such a thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NibblyPig Posted February 16, 2011 Share Posted February 16, 2011 Woman to plastic surgeon: How much would it cost for you to reshape my body to look like Yankee Stadium? Plastic surgeon: Hmm, ball park figure . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted February 18, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted February 18, 2011 I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai bird. I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection." But she did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC_Hitz Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai bird. I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection." But she did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drat01 Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 Just seen a dyslexic Yorkshireman walking around with a cat flap on his head Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted February 21, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted February 21, 2011 At the end of the tax year, Inland Revenue sent an inspector to audit the books of a local hospital. While the agent was checking the books he turned to the CFO of the hospital and said, "I notice you buy a lot of bandages.. What do you do with the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?" "Good question," noted the CFO. "We save them up and send them back to the bandage company and every now and then they send us a free box of bandages." "Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way. "What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's left over after setting a cast on a patient?" "Ah, yes," replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We save it and send it back to the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of plaster." "I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all CFO. "Well," he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?" "Here, too, we do not waste," answered the CFO. "What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the Inland Revenue office and about once a year they send us a complete prick." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 Mike. Heard it before, but it's still one of my favorites. EDIT - Unfortunate typo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted February 21, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted February 21, 2011 tit's still one of my favorites.I like tit, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC_Hitz Posted February 21, 2011 Share Posted February 21, 2011 favorites Yee hah! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 favorites Yee hah! Glad someone picked up on it! Anyway, I'm going out with a bird with eczema. Cracking tits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted February 24, 2011 Moderator Share Posted February 24, 2011 Oh dear God. I did exhale an involuntary snot though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 I never fail to disappoint! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted February 24, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted February 24, 2011 Anyway, I'm going out with a bird with eczema. Cracking tits. That could well be my Facebook status before the day is up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted February 24, 2011 Moderator Share Posted February 24, 2011 That could well be my Facebook status before the day is up As I have a wife, I might have to modify mine somewhat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 For anyone wondering why My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding wasn't on last night, it's been moved to sunday at 4pm on BBC1 where you'll see 30,000 of them covered in burberry, hideous tattoos, gold chains with grubby blue tops on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted February 24, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted February 24, 2011 That could well be my Facebook status before the day is up As I have a wife, I might have to modify mine somewhat. Well modified, sir. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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