soprano Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 Not a joke as such , but this made me laugh earlier not very nice but bloody funny. I was clicking on the AOL news stories and on one (unfortunately I can't find it now) said the following:-- 'Allelujah or Alopetia - is Alexandra Burke losing her hair ? Fecking bloody funny headline that Not sure about the headline but couldn't agree more with your avatar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cracker1234 Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 My friend told me the other day that he stuck his cock in some lard. The fat ****! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 How does a blind man know when he's about to hit the ground when skydiving? His lead goes slack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 A kid gave his teacher a blank piece of paper. Teacher: What is this? Kid: It's a drawing of a cow eating grass. Teacher: (looked at the paper) Where's the grass? Kid: The cow ate all of it. ...Teacher: (looked at the paper again)Then, where's the cow? Kid: It left because there was no more grass Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 A Jehovas Witness knocked on my door last night. I asked him in, sat him down and said "Right, what do you want to talk about ?" He said "**** knows - I've never got this far before Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ikantcpell Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 What do police cars and women have in common ?.. They both make a lot of noise if you do something wrong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LancsVillan Posted December 14, 2010 Moderator Share Posted December 14, 2010 Just got xmas decs out of loft found an unopened xmas present from last year for kids thought i'll let them open it should of seen their little faces when they found it was a puppy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 Lancs that is brilliant... I am using that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YLN Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 A Jehovas Witness knocked on my door last night. I asked him in, sat him down and said "Right, what do you want to talk about ?" He said "**** knows - I've never got this far before Black Books S01E01 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 A Jehovas Witness knocked on my door last night. I asked him in, sat him down and said "Right, what do you want to talk about ?" He said "**** knows - I've never got this far before Black Books S01E01 FTW "I expect better service" - "Well expect away" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonno_2004 Posted December 14, 2010 Share Posted December 14, 2010 Been some crackers these last two pages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LancsVillan Posted December 14, 2010 Moderator Share Posted December 14, 2010 I went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my arse. Do u think I should change dentists? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 I threw my advent calendar in the bin this morning.As soon as anything gets to 15 I lose interest.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 I like my strategy for a date like my strategy for Pokemon. I use "Charm" as my opening move. When the moment is right, I unleash my "Sleeping Powder". I follow by preparing myself with "Harden" Then "Pound" repeatedly for the rest of the encounter. After, I cycle off on my bike leaving them unconscious in the grass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 Just saw a facebook group: "Hi, I'm a bra. I touch your girlfriends boobs everyday... Jealous yet? ;D" Jokes on them, my girlfriend doesn't need a bra yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 I threw my advent calendar in the bin this morning.As soon as anything gets to 15 I lose interest.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Banger75 Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 what do an eskimo and tupperware have in common? they both like a tight seal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
veloman Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 Hope this hasnt been done before. Crackhead breaks into a house one night, switches on his torch and starts going through drawers. Suddenly a voice says; "Jesus is watching you" Crackhead switches off torch and stands petrified. After some time nothing happens so he starts again, only to hear a voice say "Jesus is watching you". Crackhead spins round and looks where voice had come from only to see a parrott in a cage. "Did you say that? asks crackhead. " Yes" says parrott, "He is watching you" "That scared me shitless" says crackhead, "Who are you anyway"? "my name is Moses" says parrott "What sort of clearing in the woods calls a parrott Moses" says crackhead "The same person that called the rottweiller Jesus" says parrott. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ONO Posted December 15, 2010 Share Posted December 15, 2010 What's the difference between Diana an Casper the ghost? Casper can go through walls, Diana can't Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Designer1 Posted December 15, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted December 15, 2010 When I was a kid my uncle was a terrible ventriloquist, he used to sit me on his knee, shove his hand up my arse and tell me not to say anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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