GarethRDR Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 Two blokes go into a pub. Well, I say two. But this is supposed to be a three bloke joke. So they had a couple of ales and ploughmans to wait for the third bloke. After a while, a woman walks up and says, "Maybe I can help." One bloke replies: "Sorry, this is a three bloke joke. Two man and a woman wouldn't really work out." Then woman says, "Actually, I am a bloke. I'm just waiting for a transvestite innuendo routine that hasn't shown up yet." So the blokes go "Oh, thank you," and they start the joke. So: three blokes go into a pub. Well, I say three. One's actually dressed as a woman, but he's actually a man underneath, so we're alright on paper. So they go into the pub and who shall they run into but the bloke that was supposed to be in the joke in the first place. The two blokes go "Where have you been? We've been waiting for you for half an hour!" The late bloke apologisis: "Sorry I'm late. I was stuck in a shaggy dog story. The guy milked it and I couldn't get out of it!" Then he sees the woman. "Who's this woman?" "She had to fill in for you because you were late!" And the late bloke says, "You're not going to kick me out of the joke are you? I've been doing the third bloke in the three-blokes-go-into-a-pub joke for 20 years!" The two blokes says, "Yes, we are kicking you out. Now sit down and shut up!" So the first bloke goes up to the bar. The late bloke starts heckling him. He shouts out: "HEARD IT!!" The first bloke says "Well of COURSE you've heard it! You've beenn doing the joke for 20 years!" At this point the late bloke pulls out a gun. "Right! I'm hijacking this old routine! I'm taking us on a surrealist ramble!" The second bloke says "You idiot! By pulling out that gun, you've already taken us on a surrealist ramble! You're taking us to where we already are! We're now trapped! We're in Gibb's Paradox! We're in a self-defeating two-dimensional continuum from which we can no longer justify our existence!" And as they said that, they started to melt away and their words faded into a delicate hanging cadence... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted March 5, 2011 Moderator Share Posted March 5, 2011 How wonderfully weird Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legov Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 Did you literature professor write that? :? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DiegoD Posted March 5, 2011 Share Posted March 5, 2011 meta jokes ftw! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NibblyPig Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I bought the "Shield of Zeus" on-line a few months ago, and it still hasn't arrived... I've been waiting for aegis! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NibblyPig Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 ^^^ I put that joke on a big banner pulled along by a plane... ... unfortunately, it went over most people's heads. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NibblyPig Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 When I was younger, I had this bad habit of stretching out my legs on with a rack... ... thankfully, I grew out of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NibblyPig Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 If it weren't for all those warts on her palms, I would definitely go out with that girl . . . . . . she is, hands down, the most beautiful girl I've ever seen! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NibblyPig Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 My friend, who got sacked from his HR job, just got re-hired in a new department. He's back... and this time, it's Personnel! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Did you literature professor write that? :? © Bill Bailey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LancsVillan Posted March 8, 2011 Moderator Share Posted March 8, 2011 Statistics say women think they are smarter than men because they can fake orgasms for the relationship. Men say, "Big **** deal, try faking a relationship just for the shag!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 Did you literature professor write that? :? © Bill Bailey This. Bill Bailey FTW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 My friend got a massive pack of cards, big deal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thecraft Posted March 8, 2011 Share Posted March 8, 2011 As I stepped out of the cold shower the Mrs laughed and told me that my penis closely resembled a tic tac. "If that's the case", I joked, "why does your sister still have bad breath?" She didn't laugh then.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted March 8, 2011 Moderator Share Posted March 8, 2011 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LancsVillan Posted March 10, 2011 Moderator Share Posted March 10, 2011 I told the wife that i kept getting a burning sensation in my arse and didn't know what it was. She said 'ring sting'. I said 'what makes you think he'll **** know?'? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wiggyrichard Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Stolen for FB! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I bought the "Shield of Zeus" on-line a few months ago, and it still hasn't arrived... I've been waiting for aegis! Absolute quality Mr Pig! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Don't you hate it when you're driving along, smoking a cigarette, and you flick your cigarette out the window, and you drive for a couple more miles, and you smell something funny, and you look over into the back seat, and, sure enough... ...Grandma's fingering herself again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guus Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 ^^^Thats rank...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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