ClaretMahoney Posted September 20, 2010 Share Posted September 20, 2010 Rick Astley asked me if he could borrow my collection of Pixar films. "Okay," I said. "You can have Toy Story, Cars and Finding Nemo but I'm never gonna give you Up." Ahahahha another great one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orkneyvilla Posted October 1, 2010 Share Posted October 1, 2010 Ok, well, where do you go to find out how heavy a whale is ? At the Whale-weigh-station (I'll get me cloak) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
orkneyvilla Posted October 1, 2010 Share Posted October 1, 2010 The girlfriend was on a golfing holiday trying to improve her technique when on the last day she was attacked by a wasp. The Pro asked how she got on in the clubhouse to which she replied 'i was stung somewhere between the first and second hole' - 'Oh' he replied - 'you were probably standing with your legs too far apart'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 1, 2010 Share Posted October 1, 2010 Ok, well, where do you go to find out how heavy a whale is ? At the Whale-weigh-station (I'll get me cloak) **** hell mate, I didn't even laugh at that when I first heard it as a 5 year old Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gingerlad Posted October 1, 2010 Share Posted October 1, 2010 RJA1703 its wheelybin time I'm afraid Shit son, i checked the last 2 pages as well and it hadn't been posted. Is it too late to apologize? Page 245 by Gingerlad I'm afraid. Rob will be along shortly. :winkold: Beaten too it by a ginger as well, how depressing. 'A' Ginger? Do you know who I am, boy??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 1, 2010 Share Posted October 1, 2010 Bwahahahaaa :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for a present. "I'd like to be twelve again", she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to a theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Corkscrew, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to the cinema with popcorn, a huge Cola, and her favourite sweets... M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being twelve again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size, you **** tit" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Risso Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 I had concerns that that joke was heading into paedobear territory, but it's actually a cracker! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 I had concerns that that joke was heading into paedobear territory, but it's actually a cracker! Me too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
villa4europe Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 that joke is the sad truth: no matter how much you try you just can't please a **** woman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nobler Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 Hosted a bukkake party over the weekend. Was so disappointing though, nobody came. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Milfner Posted October 4, 2010 Share Posted October 4, 2010 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andykeenan Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 Cheryl Cole, Louis Walsh and Simon Cowell are walking along the street when Cheryl trip, falls forward and jams her head in some railings. Simon, quick as a flash pulls down her knickers and bangs her senseless from behind. Slapping her tight little arse, he turns to Louis and says "your turn", Louis starts crying. "Whats wrong ?" says simon. Louis Sobs "My head wont fit in the railings!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stevo985 Posted October 11, 2010 VT Supporter Share Posted October 11, 2010 My mate's Facebook status is "I love my girlfriend <3" I knew he liked them young but that's **** ridiculous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 Stevo.... (I dunno whether this has bindunne....) What do you call a monkey in a minefield? A baboom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sparey16 Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 I heard that, but said differently - what do you call an exploding monkey? A baboom! I think that one better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theunderstudy Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 (I know I'll get the bindunne for this one - or no laughs) Apparently Mahatma Gandhi had lots of blisters, was wise, quite frail, and had an annoying case of bad breath. Making him a "Super callussed fragile mystic vexed with halitosis" I'll get my coat. Has anyone done the two lads with battery acid and fireworks? Two lads were caught the other day, one was drinking battery acid, and the other stealing fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. *awaits bindunne* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 Cheryl Cole, Louis Walsh and Simon Cowell are walking along the street when Cheryl trip, falls forward and jams her head in some railings. Simon, quick as a flash pulls down her knickers and bangs her senseless from behind. Slapping her tight little arse, he turns to Louis and says "your turn", Louis starts crying. "Whats wrong ?" says simon. Louis Sobs "My head wont fit in the railings!" But with other names, usually members of Take That, or was it Boyzone? Who cares they're all shirtlifters Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC-Prideofbrum Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 Thinking of getting a tattoo soon of a dragon. Just not sure though, which one is best? Peter Jones or Duncan Bannantyne? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonno_2004 Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 ^ I like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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