Straggler Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 4 hours ago, choffer said: Had a long tube journey yesterday so thought I'd teach my dog how to play the trumpet. It took an hour and a half from Barking to Tooting. I wish I didn't like that joke but I do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colhint Posted December 17, 2018 Share Posted December 17, 2018 Bought a Jehovas witness advent calendar. Every door that opens tells you to piss off. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 Michael O’Leary, Chief Executive of Ryanair after arriving in a hotel in Manchester went to the bar and asked for a pint of Guinness. The barman said, "That will be £1 please, Mr. O’Leary." Taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money. "We do try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "We have the cheapest beer in England". "That is remarkable value", Michael comments. "I see you don't have a glass, you'll need one of ours. That will be £3 please." O'Leary scowled, but paid up. He took his drink and walked towards a seat. "Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra £2. If you'd pre-booked it would have cost £1." O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up. "I see you've brought your laptop" added the barman. "That wasn't pre-booked either, that's another £3." O'Leary was so incensed and his face was red with rage. "I've had enough! I insist on speaking to a manager!" "Here is his e-mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9.00 am and 9.01am every morning, Monday to Tuesday. Calls are free, unless answered, then there is a charge of only £1 per second". "I will never use this bar again". "OK but do remember, we are the only hotel in England selling pints for £1." 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 4 minutes ago, Demitri_C said: Michael O’Leary, Chief Executive of Ryanair after arriving in a hotel in Manchester went to the bar and asked for a pint of Guinness. The barman said, "That will be £1 please, Mr. O’Leary." Taken aback, O'Leary replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money. "We do try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "We have the cheapest beer in England". "That is remarkable value", Michael comments. "I see you don't have a glass, you'll need one of ours. That will be £3 please." O'Leary scowled, but paid up. He took his drink and walked towards a seat. "Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra £2. If you'd pre-booked it would have cost £1." O'Leary swore to himself, but paid up. "I see you've brought your laptop" added the barman. "That wasn't pre-booked either, that's another £3." O'Leary was so incensed and his face was red with rage. "I've had enough! I insist on speaking to a manager!" "Here is his e-mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9.00 am and 9.01am every morning, Monday to Tuesday. Calls are free, unless answered, then there is a charge of only £1 per second". "I will never use this bar again". "OK but do remember, we are the only hotel in England selling pints for £1." You just know the person who wrote that Joke is a complete dickhead Awful! 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 3 minutes ago, lapal_fan said: You just know the person who wrote that Joke is a complete dickhead Awful! Haha why ? That's how ryanair are though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lapal_fan Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 3 minutes ago, Demitri_C said: Haha why ? That's how ryanair are though Because it's not even funny! It's just what Ryanair do, but in a pub.. to the owner of Ryanair. There's no irony or anything. Honestly dem, that joke has upset me 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 38 minutes ago, lapal_fan said: Because it's not even funny! It's just what Ryanair do, but in a pub.. to the owner of Ryanair. There's no irony or anything. Honestly dem, that joke has upset me Mr o Leary I didn't realise you support aston villa 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted December 21, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted December 21, 2018 It isn't funny because it has no punchline. Or it does, but it's in the first paragraph - the bit about paying for the glass. Everything after that was merely repetition. How could it be improved? Don't mention that the customer is O'Leary until the very end. But it still wouldn't be much good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 (edited) 44 minutes ago, mjmooney said: It isn't funny because it has no punchline. Or any other customers present it would appear... Edited December 21, 2018 by AvfcRigo82 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 A pirate walks into a bar (not in Manchester) with a ship’s steering wheel hanging from his crotch. Bartender says, what the hell is that? Pirate says, I dunno mehodges, but it’s drivin’ me nuts! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Designer1 Posted December 21, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted December 21, 2018 Where did the happy pirate go to keep fit? "Haha! The gym lad!" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 23 minutes ago, Designer1 said: Where did the happy pirate go to keep fit? "Haha! The gym lad!" 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Designer1 Posted December 21, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted December 21, 2018 8 minutes ago, rjw63 said: You heartless bastard Roberto! I bloody wrote that one myself 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted December 21, 2018 Share Posted December 21, 2018 8 hours ago, AvfcRigo82 said: Or any other customers present it would appear... If the pub was really like Ryanair, it would be full of drunk chavs 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post il_serpente Posted December 21, 2018 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted December 21, 2018 8 hours ago, mjmooney said: It isn't funny because it has no punchline. Or it does, but it's in the first paragraph - the bit about paying for the glass. Everything after that was merely repetition. How could it be improved? Don't mention that the customer is O'Leary until the very end. But it still wouldn't be much good. It originally was going to have a punchline, but someone on a football forum said it would be better without one. 1 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demitri_C Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 22 hours ago, mjmooney said: It isn't funny because it has no punchline. Or it does, but it's in the first paragraph - the bit about paying for the glass. Everything after that was merely repetition. How could it be improved? Don't mention that the customer is O'Leary until the very end. But it still wouldn't be much good. Meh miserable Git How about this one then. What kind of paper likes music? Wrapping paper Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 (edited) 14 hours ago, Xela said: If the pub was really like Ryanair, it would be full of drunk chavs or, like the Hungry Horse in Corby. Edited December 22, 2018 by AvfcRigo82 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted December 22, 2018 Share Posted December 22, 2018 1 hour ago, AvfcRigo82 said: or, like the Hungry Horse in Corby. Touché 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blandy Posted December 22, 2018 Moderator Share Posted December 22, 2018 23 hours ago, Designer1 said: Where did the happy pirate go to keep fit? "Haha! The gym lad!" What did he do there Si? lift pieces of Weight? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post veloman Posted December 22, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted December 22, 2018 How do you turn a fox into an elephant ? Marry her. 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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