Robtaylor200 Posted June 1, 2019 Share Posted June 1, 2019 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-7RFLp0QUk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Robtaylor200 Posted June 1, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted June 1, 2019 On 19/05/2019 at 18:20, V01 said: If I had a pound for everytime I've heard a variation of this joke I could buy a 65" TV with the leads. My mate was selling a 65 inch TV for only £50, he said it was a second because the volume button was broken But I thought at £50 you cant turn that down 3 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post imavillan Posted June 6, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted June 6, 2019 I have to give a huge thank you to my neighbour for letting me borrow her large sheet of plastic covering... Ta Pauline 5 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BOF Posted June 6, 2019 Moderator Popular Post Share Posted June 6, 2019 Speaking of neighbours, my neighbours have just made a sex tape. Obviously they don't know this yet. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post imavillan Posted June 9, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted June 9, 2019 Sad news to report the bloke who invented predictive text as pissed away. His funfair is next monkey. 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BOF Posted June 10, 2019 Moderator Popular Post Share Posted June 10, 2019 16 hours ago, imavillan said: Sad news to report the bloke who invented predictive text as pissed away. His funfair is next monkey. I didn't even know he was I'll. 7 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 10, 2019 Share Posted June 10, 2019 There was a cat by the lake and a sausage came floating by the cat put its paw in and wet its paw. Then a few minutes later a bigger sausage came floating by and the cat fell in. The moral of this story the bigger the sausage the wetter the pussy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted June 10, 2019 Share Posted June 10, 2019 On 09/06/2019 at 17:25, imavillan said: Sad news to report the bloke who invented predictive text as pissed away. His funfair is next monkey. Bet Dem id as hippy is Lorry! Other the moan aboat tit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted June 11, 2019 Share Posted June 11, 2019 Similar to predictive text is the way blokes hear things - for instance My wife says She is weaving me for a mother plan because I dont listen last week she said " Your not even listening are you" I thought what a strange way to start a conversation 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
magnkarl Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 I broke my finger last week, on the other hand I'm okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sharkyvilla Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 10 hours ago, magnkarl said: I broke my finger last week, on the other hand I'm okay. Reminds me of the old joke Apparently Jeremy Beadle had a small knob, but on the other hand it was massive 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xela Posted June 12, 2019 Share Posted June 12, 2019 28 minutes ago, sharkyvilla said: Apparently Jeremy Beadle had a small knob, but on the other hand it was massive Classic! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Mandy Lifeboats Posted June 20, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted June 20, 2019 I've spent the day birdwatching with Sinead O'Connor. We've seen 7 owls and 16 jays. 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 Middle aged guy walks into a pub with an attractive young East Asian girl. "Punching above your weight aren't you, pal? Where did you find her?" says the barman. "Thailand. We're getting married". "You don't want to get married, that's when the blowjobs stop". "I don't mind that; I hate giving her them anyway." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 Bob finishes off his lunch in the restaurant and goes to get his coat, but is unable to find it. "Waiter?" he says. "Did you by any chance see someone stealing my coat?" "Yes" says the waiter "I did". "Well?" says Bob "Out with it! What the **** did he look like?" The waiter shrugs his shoulders and says "Absolutely ridiculous. It was tight across the back and the sleeves were much too short for him". 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted June 20, 2019 Share Posted June 20, 2019 I gradually came to. Stiff as a board and in pain in the hospital's ICU with tubes up my nose and down my throat, wires monitoring every function, what felt like broken ribs, and both legs plastered to the upper thigh... and a gorgeous nurse hovering over me. It was obvious I'd been in a serious incident. She gave me a deep and steady heartfelt look straight in the eyes and I heard her slowly say "You may not feel anything from the waist down". I somehow managed to mumble in reply "Can I feel your tits, then?" 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post choffer Posted June 20, 2019 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted June 20, 2019 What’s made of leather, is about a foot long and sounds like a sneeze? A shoe. 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 Keep them coming @rjw63 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post AvfcRigo82 Posted June 21, 2019 Popular Post Share Posted June 21, 2019 Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back to sleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour?," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck the pin in her again. "JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR ARSE!" The Teacher fainted. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ferguson1 Posted June 21, 2019 Share Posted June 21, 2019 Being dyslexic, I once turned up to a toga party dressed as a goat! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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