rjw63 Posted November 23, 2018 Share Posted November 23, 2018 55 minutes ago, hippo said: A very much bindunne but here goes:- Doctor: Sir, your wife has acute angina Husband: Yeah, .....her tits ain't bad either ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
il_serpente Posted November 24, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted November 24, 2018 Doctor, putting stethoscope on young lady's chest: Big breaths. Girl: Yeth, and I'm only thickthteen! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Robtaylor200 Posted November 24, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted November 24, 2018 Nicked this one. I thought it was funny enough to share I got home to find my dog playing on the lawn. He was covered in dirt and had a dead Rabbit in his mouth Shit. I thought, The only rabbits I know of belong to next door,. They breed Blue ribbon rabbits and take them to shows every week. I took it off the dog, washed it in the sink and dried it with the wife's hair dryer. Then before they came home. I nipped over the fence and put it one of their cages They had only been home 30 minutes when I herd her screaming in the garden Whats the matter I said in my concerned voice, is everything OK No she said its my favourite rabbit It died yesterday and I buried it in the garden and now its back in its cage 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TB Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 On 18/11/2018 at 11:18, theboyangel said: A warning to all you , be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas and the Police are out there in their numbers checking on people. Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing led to another and I had a few too many beers and then went onto Whiskey. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car where it was and took a bus home. Sure enough, I passed a Police control where they were pulling over drivers and performing breathalyser tests. Because I was in a bus they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and I am not even sure where I got it from. I'm nicking (and reworking into Norwegian) that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TB Posted November 26, 2018 Share Posted November 26, 2018 On 24/11/2018 at 12:07, Robtaylor200 said: Nicked this one. I thought it was funny enough to share I got home to find my dog playing on the lawn. He was covered in dirt and had a dead Rabbit in his mouth Shit. I thought, The only rabbits I know of belong to next door,. They breed Blue ribbon rabbits and take them to shows every week. I took it off the dog, washed it in the sink and dried it with the wife's hair dryer. Then before they came home. I nipped over the fence and put it one of their cages They had only been home 30 minutes when I herd her screaming in the garden Whats the matter I said in my concerned voice, is everything OK No she said its my favourite rabbit It died yesterday and I buried it in the garden and now its back in its cage And I nicked this one too. I sometimes end up laughing out loud at jokes in this topic, wishing I could tell that particular joke in exactly the same manner at home, then realising that any attempt to translate the joke would simply fail, and I'd have to tell it in English if there were to be something even remotely resembling a punchline. Thanks! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post MrDuck Posted November 27, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted November 27, 2018 My wife kicked me out of the house because my Arnold Schwarzenegger impression was really bad. But don’t worry... I’ll return. 7 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nigel Posted November 27, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted November 27, 2018 (edited) "What do we want?""A cure for Tourette's""When do we want it?""Sweaty Boll*cks" Edited November 27, 2018 by Nigel 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted November 30, 2018 Share Posted November 30, 2018 I popped into the cake shop on the way home today, I thought I would get Mrs T a cream cake Looking at the prices I said why all the cakes 50p except that one for £2 He said that's Maderia cake 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 A woman brings 8 year old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her 8 year old daughter. Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age." "Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her **** appendix out!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted December 2, 2018 Share Posted December 2, 2018 Dont tease a dwarf with down syndrome It isn't big and it isn't clever oooooh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Paddywhack Posted December 3, 2018 Popular Post Share Posted December 3, 2018 I've just downloaded the new Queen movie, Bohemian Rhapsody. I think it was filmed in the cinema though, as I see a little silhouetto of a man. 4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted December 8, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted December 8, 2018 No matter how intelligent they may be, dogs cannot operate MRI machines. But cats can. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Robtaylor200 Posted December 9, 2018 Share Posted December 9, 2018 23 hours ago, mjmooney said: No matter how intelligent they may be, dogs cannot operate MRI machines. But cats can. Although some of them can fill out a Lab report 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted December 12, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted December 12, 2018 I asked for the specials at my local Chinese restaurant. I got too much Foo Yung 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted December 12, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted December 12, 2018 We heard you the first time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
choffer Posted December 12, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted December 12, 2018 20 minutes ago, mjmooney said: We heard you the first time. The perils of posting at the traffic lights. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
il_serpente Posted December 13, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted December 13, 2018 12 hours ago, choffer said: The perils of posting at the traffic lights. Much better to save it for when you're moving! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvfcRigo82 Posted December 13, 2018 Share Posted December 13, 2018 17 hours ago, choffer said: The perils of posting at the traffic lights. ****'ell.. you must have been stuck at those lights for hours! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjmooney Posted December 13, 2018 VT Supporter Share Posted December 13, 2018 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post choffer Posted December 17, 2018 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted December 17, 2018 Had a long tube journey yesterday so thought I'd teach my dog how to play the trumpet. It took an hour and a half from Barking to Tooting. 11 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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