b6bloke Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Thanks for all advice guys. I am sorry to say that after we talked last night the marriage is over. I cannot do anything unless she wants to try. She says it would be giving me false hope. I could see in her eyes that there was nothing there but friendship. It is the most painful thing that has ever happened. 48 hours ago I thought my marriage was perfect and now it is gone. We have agreed to sell the house and car and I will lose the dog we have had since it was a puppy. It hurts more that I cannot be angry with her as I love her. The crazy thing is that I AK the one comforting her eg seeing if she has people to talk to, telling her not to be upset, saying to her that if she is leaving me then she better do something great with her life. It would be much easier if I could call her every name under the sun. The one thing I take out if this is that I will never fully commit to someone again. As now when I think things are going well I will be doubtful and paranoid that they are not and I cannot open myself up to this pain again. I am 29 and I have not been in the.dating game since I was 18 and I am scared I will never find anyone else. It is a bit self pitying but I now have no clue on how to handle a relationship. Sorry are you being hard on yourself for how you handled this? **** me mate you handled that brilliantly! Who says that you have to swear and insult because of what she has done? because its the ego beaten man thing to do? No you have kept your dignity, respect and at the same time laid the foundation for the sale of the house and car to be done fairly with no bitterness. I tell you now that I think that she would have been glad about your reaction at first but after she will be wishing that you had been a bastard about it as it would have made it easier for her to walk away. Now you have to be prepared for the fact that she may have these moments of second thoughts, DONT GET YOUR HOPES UP! The amount of times in the past me and an ex have tried to "stay friends" and ending up in bed, asnd as you start to think you may be getting back together you get the "things havent changed and I still want out" line Actually this happened twice and the rest of the times it happened I just went along with it knowing that line was going to come just so I could get the shag Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oaks Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Have to say ive seen all this before. It happens a lot with couples who get together young. She hasn't tried a few burgers to realize if she has a steak or not. It will go 1 of 2 ways. She will have a few burgers enjoy herself but realize in 6 months to a year that you were steak and realize you really truly did have something special. You will also do the same, if you take her back could be up to you. Or she finds out she can find her steak and be truly happy. Ive seen it with a few friends who got together young, all but 1 have stayed apart(not to give you any false hope) but quite a few wanted to get back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irreverentad Posted July 14, 2011 Share Posted July 14, 2011 Even if she wanted to I could not take her back in the future. It would always be in the back of my mind that she was not happy. And I would try to over compensate to make her happy. I think someone should love you for who you are. I hope I have handled it well but I do feel like a wimpy clearing in the woods in trying to make sure she is ok before handling my own feelings. But as I said how can I be angry at someone for being honest to me. I love her too much for that. I drove down to my parents yesterday night arrived at 4am. They have been great in helping put me back together although I know it will be a long process. I need to find out how to enjoy 'me' . I need to discover who I am. As all I have known is what 'we' like and our shared goals. I am going to do an open uni course (already have economics degree) and some charity work to try and find me! I know things will be amicable and we have agreed on on of the stuff we have and our lowest price for the house so there will be no arguments in the future. We will just have to pigeons with each other until it is sold. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dante_Lockhart Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 I hope I have handled it well but I do feel like a wimpy clearing in the woods in trying to make sure she is ok before handling my own feelings. But as I said how can I be angry at someone for being honest to me. I love her too much for that. Dude, from what I've read she HASN'T been honest with you. She's not told you the route of the problem(s), just given you a bunch of non committal answers that really doesn't tell you why it's all happening. You need to concentrate on you and let her concentrate on her. Don't pussy foot around and make sure she's OK. She's made her decision and she's the one who should feel bad for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mottaloo Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 erm.........erm.....take her up the wrong un ? :? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b6bloke Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Carry on what you are doing but draw a line in the sand as you dont want her to walk all over you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted July 15, 2011 Share Posted July 15, 2011 Right need some advice, how do you 'approach' someone on facebook that you havent spoken to for a number of years without it sounding weird because its out of the blue? Want to ask a girl out for a drink that I used to go to school with but have no way of getting to know her at the moment apart from facebook. My mate said its possible but very tricky and not worth it. Best just to leave it as its a bit too weird? Or is it possible? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LincsVilla Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 Right need some advice, how do you 'approach' someone on facebook that you havent spoken to for a number of years without it sounding weird because its out of the blue? Want to ask a girl out for a drink that I used to go to school with but have no way of getting to know her at the moment apart from facebook. My mate said its possible but very tricky and not worth it. Best just to leave it as its a bit too weird? Or is it possible? Poke her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AVFC-Prideofbrum Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 Right need some advice, how do you 'approach' someone on facebook that you havent spoken to for a number of years without it sounding weird because its out of the blue? Want to ask a girl out for a drink that I used to go to school with but have no way of getting to know her at the moment apart from facebook. My mate said its possible but very tricky and not worth it. Best just to leave it as its a bit too weird? Or is it possible? Can be done, I managed a date from Fbook with some girl I'd never spoken too before but was at my school (year below in 6th form) Just get past the awkward stage. Maybe start it off with an old memory or something, to be fair though, once your past the first 5 mins of saying "miss those days, blah, blah, blah"....then surely it's just normal conversation ...but with a quicker route to success as she already knows you and knows you're not some weird freak. I guess have no real experience but doesn't seem that complicated. Considering you'll be sitting on the internet, at least you have to make zero effort to do anything but chat...worst that can happen is a quick chat on fbook comes to very little. if she started chatting to you first, asking how you were, what you been getting upto, what do you do, talking about old memories of school, would you think she's a weirdo or just an old friend catching up and being like any other person? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oaks Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 Right need some advice, how do you 'approach' someone on facebook that you havent spoken to for a number of years without it sounding weird because its out of the blue? Want to ask a girl out for a drink that I used to go to school with but have no way of getting to know her at the moment apart from facebook. My mate said its possible but very tricky and not worth it. Best just to leave it as its a bit too weird? Or is it possible? Can be done, I managed a date from Fbook with some girl I'd never spoken too before but was at my school (year below in 6th form) Just get past the awkward stage. Maybe start it off with an old memory or something, to be fair though, once your past the first 5 mins of saying "miss those days, blah, blah, blah"....then surely it's just normal conversation ...but with a quicker route to success as she already knows you and knows you're not some weird freak. I guess have no real experience but doesn't seem that complicated. Considering you'll be sitting on the internet, at least you have to make zero effort to do anything but chat...worst that can happen is a quick chat on fbook comes to very little. if she started chatting to you first, asking how you were, what you been getting upto, what do you do, talking about old memories of school, would you think she's a weirdo or just an old friend catching up and being like any other person? Yeah just did all that with some bird, then i asked her out for a drink, she bloody tells be shes 6 months pregnant. What a **** waste of time and effort that was. Even if i do wait 3 months to poing her it will be like trying to find change in a clowns pocket. I mean most women never stop talking about being pregnant on FB... i mean WTF. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b6bloke Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 Will let you know tomorrow but she is a red head :winkold: (no she is not 5ft Rob!!) Does she have tiny feet and dirty shoes though? :winkold: No she was bigger than her pic (fell for the head shot pic) and she seemed moody and I seemed to keep the conversation going. She has 2 dogs which she NEVER leaves alone and she even had to find someone to look after them while on date!! Her 81 year old mom has them while she is at work and my comment of "**** me you have the commitment of two permanent new born's!" Thought it didnt go well and she is texting me even more saying what a fab evening she had! :shock: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b6bloke Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 ok a conundrum from me! I dated this girl online and fell for her big time, I was getting a gut feeling that there was more to her than it seemed and after a trip to France followed by radio silence and mind games I got rid as dont do mind games for nobody. A year later she adds me to facebook, apologies for her behaviour and wants to be just friends which is cool with me as I was seeing some other girl at the time. Anyway 2 months in she calls and tells me that I have always been the only one and wants me back and begs for another chance, even though single I said no way as my gut instinct was still going mad but fair play she never asked again apart from a few risqué comments on my facebook page whenever a girl posted on my wall. Anyway last week she started chatting to me and when asking what she was up to she told me she was "investigating her dark side" and eventually sent me a link to a fetish site! I managed to get out of her that she likes to be a submissive and a few other things but went offline when I delved further as I was asking questions to link this behaviour to when we were together and before. Anyway I joined the site just to see if I could find her and I did! **** me!!!!! there were some obvious things in that she did this with her ex husband, and she has a master who although went off with someone else is still her guardian! He lives in France which answered another question! A lot of the other stuff on there was eye opening too. There are all different levels of submission and hers although not extreme must be part of a serious relationship. I told her I had joined and found her profile but instead of being angry she asked if I liked it and admitted to my accusations but said that nothing happened between her and the guy (my arse!) Well my conundrum!! she said she wants rid of him as a master and thinks I would be a natural replacement :shock: She wants to come over (with some stuff!) and for me to dominate her "and if you like it you may decide to keep me" :shock: Now! I havent had the shag in a couple of months so this try before you buy offer sounds tempting in a way of buying something from Argos just to use it once and take back but part of me is like "stay away!!" She is a White Witch too and I have to say that finishing with her the first time around was not as easy as I made out above as she is not only attractive but very deviously persuasive. What to do? Yes I know you would all just shag her anyway but seriously! :shock: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gillz Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 Right need some advice, how do you 'approach' someone on facebook that you havent spoken to for a number of years without it sounding weird because its out of the blue? Want to ask a girl out for a drink that I used to go to school with but have no way of getting to know her at the moment apart from facebook. My mate said its possible but very tricky and not worth it. Best just to leave it as its a bit too weird? Or is it possible? start slowly. Maybe leave a comment on a old pic of you both followed by 'we should chat and catch up sometime' post on her wall and take it from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
legov Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 I always think of striking up conservations (just normal ones like "hi how are you") with cute girls I see on the streets or on the bus but it never ever materialises. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GarethRDR Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 ok a conundrum from me! I dated this girl online and fell for her big time, I was getting a gut feeling that there was more to her than it seemed and after a trip to France followed by radio silence and mind games I got rid as dont do mind games for nobody. A year later she adds me to facebook, apologies for her behaviour and wants to be just friends which is cool with me as I was seeing some other girl at the time. Anyway 2 months in she calls and tells me that I have always been the only one and wants me back and begs for another chance, even though single I said no way as my gut instinct was still going mad but fair play she never asked again apart from a few risqué comments on my facebook page whenever a girl posted on my wall. Anyway last week she started chatting to me and when asking what she was up to she told me she was "investigating her dark side" and eventually sent me a link to a fetish site! I managed to get out of her that she likes to be a submissive and a few other things but went offline when I delved further as I was asking questions to link this behaviour to when we were together and before. Anyway I joined the site just to see if I could find her and I did! **** me!!!!! there were some obvious things in that she did this with her ex husband, and she has a master who although went off with someone else is still her guardian! He lives in France which answered another question! A lot of the other stuff on there was eye opening too. There are all different levels of submission and hers although not extreme must be part of a serious relationship. I told her I had joined and found her profile but instead of being angry she asked if I liked it and admitted to my accusations but said that nothing happened between her and the guy (my arse!) Well my conundrum!! she said she wants rid of him as a master and thinks I would be a natural replacement :shock: She wants to come over (with some stuff!) and for me to dominate her "and if you like it you may decide to keep me" :shock: Now! I havent had the shag in a couple of months so this try before you buy offer sounds tempting in a way of buying something from Argos just to use it once and take back but part of me is like "stay away!!" She is a White Witch too and I have to say that finishing with her the first time around was not as easy as I made out above as she is not only attractive but very deviously persuasive. What to do? Yes I know you would all just shag her anyway but seriously! :shock: POTY. Seriously, b6, how the ever-loving **** do you get yourself into these situations? I suppose you'd be mad not to try something once, you may even like it. That shit's too weird for me, but what have you got to lose? Obviously, you will have to report the experience in graphic detail back here when you're done, so we can better advise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tegis Posted July 16, 2011 VT Supporter Share Posted July 16, 2011 What to do? Yes I know you would all just shag her anyway but seriously! How the flipping flying broomstick do you get hold of these nutcases Anyway, DO IT! And post results! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
b6bloke Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 its a numbers game i guess! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oaks Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 Has she suggested it's try before you buy and no strings (I know a lot of women do say that and don't mean it)? If so go for it, even if you like it, you can always use it as a, it's not really my bag, but I gave it a go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djdabush Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 its a numbers game i guess! Is this another online dating one? (That was you wasn't it) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ingram85 Posted July 16, 2011 Share Posted July 16, 2011 Cheers for the advice guys, im worried about it seeming odd because I havent spoken to her for about 10 years, she keeps liking my status updates that are to do with being single and I think she has been single for a while aswell. I guess randomly chatting on fb is no different from chatting to someone in a club but it seems alot less personal and more weird than chatting face to face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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