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Break Ups ( need to vent! )


Rodders
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Suck.

First long term relationship came to an end this morning.18 months of good times and then. "Whoa, what?!"

Last week we were fine she said sometihng about feeling a bit odd and down over the relationship so I just suggested a bit of space, 3 nights later where she's gone out with friends ( not texting me whether she's coming back or not obviously ) and it's kaput.

Now I have no reason to stay in Cardiff, my job is still shit and I've realised how few friends I actually have. I spent yesterday ( when I feared the worst ) moping about town trying to chat to a shop manager I'd spoken to a few times as there was no other alternatives.

I have a close friend nearby but I can't dump on him all the time. The house I live in at the moment is quite a large 3 bed - we share with two other housemates - who are / have both not been living there for a while. So big empty house syndrome, and despair = single worst feeling I've ever experienced - apologies for the emo tone - but i'm just massively at a loss right now.

my future was fine ish last week - though I was planning on sorting out my career plans anyway - now - I went to the careers centre about an hour after being dumped and waffled loads on what I want to do but I don't really feel like focusing on that today?

I just want this feeling to emptiness to go. How long does it last and any tips for getting through it.

Thanks all.

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I feel for ya dude. I broke up with my missus back in November. 2 and a half years, engaged, planning a wedding... then boom. Gone.

She'd started going out more and more, a couple of nights she didn't come home and said she stayed at a friends. (pissed me off).

I still feel upset by it. But I've been going out with my mates a bit more, treated myself to a few luxuries, kept myself busy etc... It's also given me more motivation. I saw her out with someone else not too long after we broke up so since then I've been trying to better myself. Already lost a stone and firmed up a bit. Feeling better about myself.

I'm getting over it and I'm getting better in myself. Could be the best thing thats ever happened to me.

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I remember your thread Dante - good for you!

My head is just a mess at the moment - now having to think about the future like where I'm living ( do I renew my current place ). I don't want to waste time moping too much but it really saps your willpower! I want to think it can be easy and I can take the best lessons from the relationship and move on but I'm bloody impatient!

I'm torn between wanting the warmth and security of the relationship and swearing off ever putting myself at risk again!

oh and she's still living here for a few months and she just asked me to confirm if her tits were getting bigger - which I thought more than a trifle harsh in the circumstances but then, I thought, when next will I see intimate flesh and agreed!

Not looking forward to the evenings though :(

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Just keep reminding yourself it was better now than later.

I know a couple of ‘couples’ that got engaged and got married but in reality one partner had cooled off and went through with it rather than disappoint friends and family. Twelve months down the line, two shiny but sham marriages were over and nobody talks to anybody and there are new mortgages, cars and pets to sort out. Absolute carnage. Better to front up now, no matter how gutting it feels at the time.

Look on it as your chance for a fresh start. Ever promised yourself a crack at London or a summer knocking around France? This is your chance.

Get yourself out of the house and down to Cardiff vs Stoke tomorrow night and shout at people you don’t know in a game with a result you don’t care about. It’s liberating.

It will be fine.

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Although well past all this sort of thing now - married 30 years - I can remember exactly how this felt; in fact in my teens I was covered in bruises where girls HAD touched me with a 10 foot bargepole !

You have my sympathy Rodders and remember the words of the Neil Young song (you may be a bit young to know of him) but he wrote a prophetic number called "Only Love Can Break Your Heart" .

So true.

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she's gone out with friends ( not texting me whether she's coming back or not obviously ) and it's kaput.

Sounds like she bumped into Daz316 on that night out. :shock:

Seriously though, try to focus on the postives: You've now got nowt holding you back from doing/going wherever you like. **** Cardiff, rent a place in Birmingham and buy that Villa season ticket you've always promised yourself; it'll be cheaper then keeping a lady-ho in bells and baubles, and for all the pain and misery you'll still suffer at least you know the club will always be there.

Plus now you can wank when you like, where you like and wipe it on what you like. :thumb:

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So you would still be living with her? **** that for a game of soldiers. Get the hell out of there and start afresh. Go on holiday, travel Europe for a few weeks if you can afford it. Get your head around it and sort yourself out.

This is an opportunity, be selfish and please yourself.

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How long it lasts depends on the person. Some people get over it in a few weeks. It's been 3 going on 4 years for me and I'm still not right. I really liked that girl.

Time is the greatest healer though as cliche as it sounds. Whilst I do still think about her it's rarely with any pain or sadness anymore.

You'll be alright. Just keep busy.

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feel for you mate my relationship of 5 years ended last year. Amazing how women can go from loving and emotional to heartless bitches in no time.

You'll get over it though it may take time, im only just starting to get over it after 7 months. Concentrate on the things YOU enjoy. No more compromise for you

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dont go back it will only end the same way. Dont beg or shower her with gifts either in an attempt to get her back it gets u nowhere.

in a few months time u wont even be bothered just keep yourself busy in the mean time

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Sorry to hear about your situation mate. Split up with a woman I was with for 7 years over a year ago now - Now am with a new woman who is the best thing that ever happened to me and couldnt be happier. Things will get better mate, just takes time.

And anyway - youve got Darren Bent to take your mind off things for a bit now (in a non gay way of course)

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Best advice I can give is to move away, keep yourself occupied and go out with mates as much as you can... happened to me two months ago and it's still **** shit, won't get over it for a while but I'm just trying to do all the right things to do to get over it in time. You'll find someone else, everyone always does. And we're about to sign Darren Bent anyway so that can take your mind off it all for a while. Hope you feel better soon.

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thanks for the support.

I'm crashing at a mates for a few days then going home. It's just so sudden and as a friend put it, it's probably she's been preparing for this for about two months, with me it was barely a few days and it's numbing.

Come into work today and just had another hit. The assault on the routine and plans I've had is incredible.

Dunno if I can move away, just want to turn back time. Feels like my identity has been so much defined by my relationship with her I'm just lost as to who i am and what I want.

but thanks for the advice.

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Hey man!

My girl finished with me about 2 months ago and I felt the same. I think it was the first time I've ever felt that cliched 'broken heart'.

It's a weird feeling and it made me do odd things like type in the word 'broken heart' into google. But it defintely helps to know that millions of people are feeling the same thing all around the world at the same time. This goes to show that life, relationships and emotions are always in a state of transition and nothing has any real solidity.

This is a good thing because once you realise how all of your focus is revolving around one thing - her - and all your energy is taken up by negative emotions - such as desire and envy, once you realise this and realise the enormity of the world and everything your missing outside of your focus, you can let your current negative state of mind dissolve because it has no permenance and is all simply a figment of your imagination.

Just let all the negativity go then get out into the world because life is way to short to spend weeks brooding. You may find yourself brooding for a month and that month could have been the month you took a jaunt to Spain and met a lovely little spanish senorita, or maybe a little jaunt over to morrocco to encounter a beautiful african princess. Maybe just a little meditation on the peaceful slopes of Nepal!

The world's your oyster my friend so don't spend any more time caught up in that same thought and enjoy life while you have it. Just keep this old Lebanese proverb in mind:

The one who is not dead still has a chance.

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Sounds like the situation sucks mate!

I know it's easier said than done, but completely cutting the cord is probably the best thing you can do. living with her, or trying to be friends will be incredibly hard for you. it will prolong the pain.

You can be friends in the future, if that's what you want, but my advice would be to cut her out of your life until you're over her. If you don't move on before you see her on a regular basis then the feelings won't go away.

I haven't been in a situation as sever as yours, i.e. living with someone. But I've had a break up where I wasn't ready to break up, stayed friends with the girl and was basically still in love with her 2 years later, and it was horrible. luckily I'm still friends with her and I'm now completely over her. But that would have been a lot easier had I cut her out of my life earlier on.

So my advice is get her out of your life and your head as quickly as you can. occupy yourself with other things. if you're afraid of losing her as a friend, don't be. Explain to her how you feel and she should, unless she's a bitch, be fine with it.

If you aren't bothered about keeping her as a friend then the sooner she's out of your life the better.

Also, if you're still thinking there's a chance you could get back together, then spending time away from her will be the quickest way for her to discover whether she thinks she's made a mistake. if you stay around then she's keeping your company whilst stil being broken up.

Bottom line is, you need to get away from her. it'll be tough, but it's like pulling off a plaster, do it quickly, it might hurt more at first but the pain will go away a lot quicker than if you drag it out.

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