AvfcRigo82 Posted July 21, 2023 Share Posted July 21, 2023 Little Jonny was in class when the subject of the day fell on the word 'contagious'. "Samantha" said the teacher, "give me a sentence containing the word contagious." "My grandma had the flu last week and we couldn't visit her because it was contagious" said Samantha. "Well done Samantha, very good. Barry, your turn" said the teacher. Barry tells the teacher that "sometimes there are other viruses that are contagious." "That's right Barry" and the teacher as she then turns and asks little Jonny to give her an example of the word contagious. Little Jonny bursting with excitement proceeds to tell the teacher that "My dad was watching the man across the road painting his house last week. He was laughing at the man because he was only using a small brush and he said that will take the contagious". 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colhint Posted July 23, 2023 Share Posted July 23, 2023 In the news this week both Ryan Giggs and Harry Kanes houses were broken into they got 8 champions medals a champions league medal and three FA cup medals. From Harry Kanes they got a TV and a toaster. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post mjmooney Posted August 3, 2023 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted August 3, 2023 The Astley Paradox: If you ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie 'Up', he cannot give it to you as he's never gonna give you Up. However, in doing so he lets you down. Thus creating the Astley Paradox. 7 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tegis Posted August 11, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted August 11, 2023 Two fish are in a tank One look at the other and says: You know how to drive this thing? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post mjmooney Posted August 23, 2023 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted August 23, 2023 I've just bought a Van Gogh coffee table. Although it has got a bit of veneer missing. 5 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
colhint Posted August 25, 2023 Share Posted August 25, 2023 I bought a signed photo of Harry Kane for my local pub landlord, He's only gone and put it over the bar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted August 25, 2023 Share Posted August 25, 2023 2 minutes ago, colhint said: I bought a signed photo of Harry Kane for my local pub landlord, He's only gone and put it over the bar. That joke would have worked better about 8 months ago 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post VILLAMARV Posted August 25, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted August 25, 2023 1 hour ago, Genie said: That joke would have worked better about 8 months ago 8 months ago I bought a signed photo of Harry Kane for my local pub landlord, He's only gone and put it over the bar. 2 1 15 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Genie Posted August 25, 2023 Share Posted August 25, 2023 1 hour ago, colhint said: I bought a signed photo of Harry Kane for my local pub landlord, He's only gone and put it over the bar. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted August 25, 2023 Share Posted August 25, 2023 I've just seen Jamie Oliver making a salad with watercress and lollo rosso. Although I'm not sure where his other son was. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted August 25, 2023 Share Posted August 25, 2023 Mission control in India have seen the first images taken by the lunar rover, assessed the surface & decided to bat first. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted August 25, 2023 Share Posted August 25, 2023 I got one of those Humpty Dumpty toys from Aldi for my granddaughter. It's brilliant. It comes with Aldi King's horse's and Aldi King's men. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post rjw63 Posted August 25, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted August 25, 2023 Mason Greenwood leaves Manchester United by mutual consent. He had to ask his lawyer what consent meant. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rjw63 Posted August 25, 2023 Share Posted August 25, 2023 Wife. "What will we do if Russia fires nuclear bombs at us?" Me "We'll fire cruise missiles at them!" Wife "I didn't know Crewe had any missiles" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post sidcow Posted September 14, 2023 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted September 14, 2023 The worst thing about living next door to MC Hammer was the constant DIY noise. I shouted "STOP" but if anything, it made it worse 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidcow Posted September 14, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted September 14, 2023 Say what you like about waiters, but I think they bring a lot to the table! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BOF Posted September 14, 2023 Moderator Share Posted September 14, 2023 12 minutes ago, sidcow said: The worst thing about living next door to MC Hammer was the constant DIY noise. I shouted "STOP" but if anything, it made it worse I found it to be quite constructive when living next to Vanilla Ice. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidcow Posted September 14, 2023 VT Supporter Share Posted September 14, 2023 15 minutes ago, BOF said: I found it to be quite constructive when living next to Vanilla Ice. Did you check out his hook? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post mjmooney Posted October 11, 2023 VT Supporter Popular Post Share Posted October 11, 2023 An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery. The Englishman steals three buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman: "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me." "That's just simple thievery," the Irishman replied. "I'll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results." The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says: "Sir, I want to show you a magic trick." The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick. The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it. He asked two more times and after eating them again the owner says: "Okay my friend, where's the magic trick?" The Irishman then said: "Look in the Englishman's pockets." 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leemond2008 Posted October 11, 2023 Share Posted October 11, 2023 5 minutes ago, mjmooney said: An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery. The Englishman steals three buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman: "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me." "That's just simple thievery," the Irishman replied. "I'll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results." The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says: "Sir, I want to show you a magic trick." The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magic trick. The Irishman asked him for a bun and then he proceeded to eat it. He asked two more times and after eating them again the owner says: "Okay my friend, where's the magic trick?" The Irishman then said: "Look in the Englishman's pockets." He sounds far too intelligent to be an Irishman Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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